Capture the Flag

Synopsis:
Starting when a schoolmate steals your seat during recess, you must reclaim it via capture the flag to get revenge. Play as the leader of red team in this short but sweet CYOA!

Pros:
-For the amount of bad endings there are in this game, it never felt undeserved or unsatisfying. The movements of the enemy and your own team stayed consistent throughout, so even if I was unsure how I’d been tagged at first it became clearer in the other branches. When I finally fought my way to the ‘winning’ version of the finish it was more satisfying because of all the bad ending branches I’d fought through to get there.
-You write kids incredibly well (not in a Wibbons ‘I relate to them’ way though). This is difficult to do, but the dialogue of the characters definitely felt like something I would’ve tried to say as a child, albeit far less cool. The banter between the characters was very enjoyable; I liked the tangents where my characters would do something silly or random like slinging a stone into a stream or scaring squirrels, because that’s just what kids do: they can’t focus on a task for long. If anybody is looking on advice on how to write modern day children then this CYOA is a great example.
-Good SPAG. It’s always nice when I don’t have to worry about marking down a few pieces of punctuation to fix.

Things to improve:
These are mainly nitpicks, because I really like this game. But it wouldn’t be constructive criticism without the criticism.
-There are a lot of characters that are introduced relatively quickly. Most of them didn’t have distinctive personalities, minus the main rival, and simply existed for plot reasons. This is fine, but at first I was confused where each characters was due to the names all sort of blending into one another.
-This game would be even better if it were to have had a map or something showing my general location throughout. Even a simple sketch of the stream and the two sides would have sufficed, as sometimes as I was backtracking I forgot where I was. This may be me being dumb, and it is more of a request for an addition rather than a criticism.
-There are a lot of sentences in this game with two clauses cut in the middle by a comma, so much that I noticed it while reading. The shorter simple sentences and longer complex ones where a welcome relief from this: I just wish there were more of them

Overall this game is fun to play and is just the right length that it doesn't become boring. It has fun dialogue, a premise and plot (along with character motivations) anyone can understand, and a variety of different endings. If you’re feeling nostalgic for your childhood, give this game a go.

I’ll begin with a disclaimer: I’m not a professional writer by any means, nor am I a seasoned reviewer, so do conduct your own research and bear in mind that not everything here may be correct. As for potential readers, beware of spoilers galore.
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The humorous beginning takes a simple issue— regarding sitting plans in a cafeteria— and dramatizes it tenfold. With just a few lines of dialogue, the author manages to paint a picture of the different players and the setting. While I did initially agree with Future1 in regards to providing some information about the two characters we’ll have to choose from, reading back a second time, I notice the subtle foreshadowing that I missed on my previous playthrough. To state it plainly, we are given information on Corey’s ability to sneak up on people from the first page alone.

Since I’m not the most familiar with ‘capture the flag’, I appreciate the instructions at the start. The cave-of-time format really adds replayability. Another thing I like is that information is added in between dialogue and actions, preventing info-dumps from occurring, while still filling readers in on important details. The narrator’s personality shines through the story too.

One suggestion I might make would be to provide readers with more insight as to which choices are better to make. Lots of choices do make sense, of course, so this is only a minor issue. For instance, I chose a certain choice because it would give me a much better chance of escaping if I got caught. The next thing I know, whichever choice I picked, I didn’t escape. Still, the ending was reasonable and believable, so that’s just a nitpick. Or perhaps it’s a thematic decision to comment on the spontaneity of ‘capture the flag’ games.

This storygame incorporates suspense very well. In my opinion, it not only raises the stakes, but makes every choice seem all the more impactful. Combined with the cave-of-time structure, it makes for an entertaining and intriguing read. The mundane conversations are juxtaposed against the more dramatic action scenes. It adds breathing room between the tension-filled moments, which is great.

Getting a winning ending is rewarding! The author immerses readers in this storygame, allowing us to make a lot of important choices. I enjoy storygames like this, where readers’ opinions matter and we aren’t pigeonholed into picking a specific plot line without any variance in the storygame whatsoever. Even the losing endings are well-written and realistic. These motivate me to find the winning ones even more.

I’d also like to comment on how the main character and Alexsis are rather similar in a number of ways, which makes their ‘battle’ quite interesting to watch. Both are confident, stubborn kids who are utterly convinced of the other’s untrustworthiness. Yet, they are still able to communicate amiably at times, kind of like how children are in real life. As this paragraph is about the characters, I’ll add that managing a large cast isn’t easy, but the author handles it well. Most characters that you interact with generally have consistent personalities throughout.

When I first clicked this storygame, I expected a simple game of ‘capture the flag’. This turned out to be a game of strategy, prose alight with anticipation, and a fun way to spend my time. Reading carefully and deciding what makes the most sense is rewarded, while simply clicking links at random is not likely to work. Great storygame overall! That’s even more of an accomplishment considering that it’s your first.

I liked when it was rainy in the beginning and I like the game capture the flag but the characters had to much drama which was in my opinion the worst because there drama sentences were too short in my opinion but I kind of liked it but it’s definitely better than homework in my opinion.

The end.

it was pretty good

Hilarious! I lost! (welp it was funny at least!)

Anyways, good job. the grammar and spelling is great and it is fun to play. Really reminds me of my school days... sigh...

more story than I thought... very good

This was fun. The idea was simple and well executed. The way it is set up makes it even more gratifying if you find a victory ending.

This was a fun game. I lost five times before figuring out how to win though.

I LOST

i lost