Chains

Honestly I think the fact that this got rated so low was that some choices made you have to redo everything besides giving you a endgame link, since the writing in this is actually really good and I feel it could have easily been a 4/8 besides some minor details.

The premise of the story is what I most liked and feel that it could have been expanded on but I think that wasn't what the author was going for and instead was just trying to push out as much raw emotion as possible as given to by the the summary of the story.

Didn't see all that many typos here so thats a plus too.

For what the story was it was enjoyable to read. Not something that I would read again though but I feel like that is the nature when it comes to a genre like this.

Enjoyed

The general idea of the story is nice, and it appeals to me in a certain way that is hard to describe. Unlike most, I can relate to the situation the character struggles with in the beginning, being alone and locked up in a room by myself. There are a few things that I found strange about the storygame p, however, so let's just get right into that.

The character has been stuck in the cell for months, yet when he first meets the girl, he doesn't no remember anything before waking up. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't know how long he's been locked up if he couldn't remember anything at all. There's a but too much development attempted with the characters too. He is immediately falling for her without even knowing if she's here to help or hurt him.

The coiled snake is introduced in a way that makes it seem like we've already come across it before, yet we haven't. We know nothing about it; why it's here, where it came from, and what the point of it is in the story. I think a better introduction should be assessed and inserted in an updated version if this story.

I also don't like how we are told to not give up, yet all of the choices say to "Give Up". Having more than one of the same choice is pointless and only confuses the reader, so I recommend taking care of that. I'm getting the feeling you lost motivation with the story after the boy and girl meet, and threw in the whole snake situation to put an end so that you can publish it.

Besides all of this, it isn't that bad of a storygame. It can be fixed very easily, and I also recommend changing the font. I hope to see more from the author in the future.

3/8

I'll be honest, I quite like this. I like the way it went around in circles and the harder you try to struggle the faster you sink. Depression is a spiral and I think this story was quite a clever way of giving an example of this way of thinking. It is depressing and it definitely won't be to everyone's taste but subject matter aside I like the way you wrote and presented this.

Personally I think the solution is to change perception and not see a prison but as many different means to escape that can be tried and tested continually, readapted and reattempted until you hit upon something that succeeds. Changing perception is not easy of course and this game doesn't offer any solutions (or if it did I didn't find them) it gives a realistic portrayal of effort and eventual despair. The message is a dark one but it's unfortunately a realistic one :)

I'll be interested to see what other people make of this :)

Fairly good, I like the connection between the two people.

Part of this reminded me of my first story. Part of it. I don't know, just going through 7 passages of "Give up" is a bit depressing (which I guess is the intention here).

I get the message that's being sent here - it's the feeling of helplessness. In that respect I think it was conveyed very well, but there wasn't much beyond that. Replaying this game a few times afterwards didn't really reveal anything else.

Either way, it reminded me more of a Twine game than anything else.

Also funny as hell when you think about it, but that might just be me.

Very clever, bit of a cruel result but I get that, very clever indeed.

Ok I tried to avoid giving up and it still ended with "give up"? Sirousness dude WTH?

I gave up the whole time. Over a dozen choices said, "Give up"
1/8
sorry, you had potential.

too much "give ups"