Player Comments on Escaping The Pit of Sin

You’re going to get a couple critiques. A couple commendations. Some praise. A bit of harsh words. Some advice. Maybe some flattery. If you haven’t gotten it yet, let me spell it out for you. This is a storygame review. You’re supposed to read this and “take it” to heart.

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. The opening description was just felt so over-the-top.

I appreciate you taking your own twist to the bible prompt. I imagine it was hard to stand out in the contest with the multitude of writers with bible-knowledge in our little writing posse, (Malk) so I commend you for even trying (because I certainly wouldn’t try).

You can really tell you improved over the years with your writing. For the first couple of pages, there are quite a few awkward phrases and wording, but they seem to disappear as the story goes on as if you got a feel for it. I imagine this is because you updated the story after 2 years.

I can tell you wanted to balance a little bit of humor in with all of the death and torture but I’m not sure the execution was the best. The joke endings and how some of the angels were humorous felt a little out of place in an otherwise serious story. I did think it was funny how you opted out to describe the Lust layer of Hell and even more so with your punishment in that zone.

I like how detailed you made this story. All the little endings you got for your choice for what you see in the stars was a nice touch. I first read the quiz through without getting the item so it was a little added bonus to redo the whole thing and find the secret ending. It felt like something you would find in a videogame in New Game+

While I wouldn’t consider this storygame feature-worthy I do think it’s a cool snapshot to how much you’ve improved over the years, and I believe any progress at all is commendable. Nice job, Yummy.

Random thoughts when reading:

-“They seem to be making the sobbing sound.” awkward wording

-I wish we could see more of the protagonist’s inner thoughts to break up all of the world descriptions.

-The reset page and restart story links are a little redundant.

-I’m not sure if an angel saying ‘Yuck’ in a story like this fits

-Mr. Krab’s Wet Dream?

-Ohhh so that’s where you get that profile badge

I READ THE BIBLE OH YEAH! (As a non-religious person who did in fact read the bible once out of curiosity like a year ago I see this as an absolute win)

Rated this a four because the pages seemed long and there were options and such, though I only got to make one before dying. It was pretty fun, though I think Satan meant to say "Did you think I WOULD help you" instead of could, because I'm sure it's in his realm of capabilities but he js doesn't feel like it because he's Satan
The two pages I read were very funny and I'm looking forward to your PBJ and water concoction as payment for this comment

No significant SPAG issues and fairly well-written throughout. Decently hard bible quiz. Wrapping it around the concept of a reverse Paradise Lost was kind of interesting and the descriptions of most of the layers of hell was clear and well described. The one exception is what I believe was supposed to be the 2nd circle, Lust. While I understand not wanting to go in depth there both for site and perhaps personal guidelines, it really felt like it went too far in the other direction.

Interesting questions and fun little reward at the end.

Got very useful info which will probably help in the coming time.

I had to use the go button a lot

I loved where I got to show off my Greek Mythology knowledge, and the rest of this quiz was pretty fun! I know absolutely none of the answers, so I was just guessing the whole time.

I will say that this is the first time that a quiz has held my attention long enough to finish. The thing that sets this quiz apart from other quizzes I have seen (other than the 7/8 rating) is the descriptions. You definitely paint a picture of Inferno as in the Divine Comedy.

The inclusion of little details is definitely what does it for me. First the realization of who the devil is based on how much he hates God. Then the description of the layers (with one notable exception, lol) was enough to keep me distracted from the fact that it was a quiz. Of special note was your description of the ninth layer.

The quiz itself is also pretty good. For me, the questions did range from stupid easy to ones I had to think about (you got me with the kings of Judah and the Hercules question), and often times, the question seemed to fit the layer in question.

The last thing I’ve gotta mention is when you described the angel giving you a slow clap after correctly identifying the shortest book of the Bible. That was hilarious.

In short, if anyone wants to read a quiz, this is the first and only thing on my recommendations list. Congrats on staying out of the Pit yourself.

A quiz is perhaps the safest route to avoid the shame pit. So much so, that maybe it should be a rule implemented in contests that a quiz won't save the contestant anymore..?

Lol, I'm just kidding. I gave this a favorable rating because there was thematic elements that made it more interesting than that of some barebones quizzes that are just question/answer.

So for that, thanks for a read that was not dull by any means. I also found out that I'm not very privy on my religious information apparently, because I couldn’t make it past like three questions.

Oh well.

I got me some bibles

Well, it is what it is. And it is a quiz.

Not bad for a last minute contest entry. You should get some credit for coming up with something to publish in the last hours, even after you had resigned yourself to the fate of the SHAME pit.

The writing surrounding the quiz was decent, and I wish you would have taken the start on the first page and developed a complete story out of it rather than a quiz.

Also, I noticed that your appreciation of profile badges extended to you creating your own.

Overall, not SHAME.

Yeah… there were some spelling or grammar mistakes in quite a few places (angle instead of angel, missing punctuation) but you made this in like, a few hours, so that’s to be expected. It’s funny and short, worth the couple of minutes it took to read.