Fear the Psyker

Let’s see if this actually works or if WIBN is Gandalf IRL: I’m going to get this comment featured. :)

Disclaimer: I feel inclined to mention that I have no idea what Warhammer is. Anything in here that could be a reference, went way over my head. If I critique something that was part of the Warhammer universe and not original content, you can disregard. That being said, a good fanfic should be able to stand on its own without relying too heavily on the reader’s lore knowledge (I realize the majority of fanfic readers usually will have plenty of knowledge). Alright here we go...

The first two things introduced are extremely interesting in my opinion. One being the main character, and the other is the world/your tribe. Ok, three things. Unlike the typical hero, the MC is frail, weak, and relies on his mental power rather than physical. Forget the Brad Pitt or Conan the Barbarian type MC, this one doesn’t have 22 inch biceps and abs of steel. And that’s not just due to the fact that he’s 12 in the beginning. It’s a cool dynamic to have the most important member of a tribe of hunters be the smart one, even though I identify more with the brainless brawn characters. In an early tribe setting, the leader is usually the baddest motherfucker in the room. Khal Drogo anyone? Very intriguing. The world introduced made me imagine an Amazonian setting. There were many primitive type themes: tribes, bows, jungle beasts, and the tribe members are idiots! Who needs armor? Real warriors fight with their ding-dongs exposed. Fight me if you disagree with that statement. You know what I’ll be wearing.

I’m guessing these are probably Warhammer creatures, but I found it refreshing to read sci-fi/fantasy without relying on the typical dwarves, elves, humans, and so on. Learning about the creatures (Puk, Gretchen, Greenskins) was like discovering a whole new world.

One thing I enjoy about Steve as an author is that there always seem to be decision-making during conflict occurrences. Plus, he’s really good at creating young characters without making them too grown-up or too much of a little shit. This is the third story of his that I’ve read and I’ve noticed the decision element in all stories so far. You think it should be a normal thing for a “choose” your own adventure, but it hasn’t been a common thing in a lot of the CYS games I’ve played. It definitely makes the game aspect of a “storygame” more enjoyable. Although he is by far my favorite author on this site, it would be a shame if every published game was “more story than game”. You know who I’m talking about. If you don’t, get the fuck outta here.

The first two characters you meet, besides the MC, are Duggin and Fay. I like Duggin’s lighthearted demeanor and ‘expertise’ when it comes to the MC’s condition. Duggin is somewhat of the typical dumb best friend, but you can’t help but feel for the guy. Fay is more mysterious. I am a bit confused why she is kept alive. If I’m not mistaken, wasn’t she was part of the enemy in the first combat scene? Little strange she would be allowed to watch over you sleep still armed with her sword. Then again if she’s willing to shit in the corner of the room just to watch you sleep, how dangerous can she really be? Can’t argue with that logic.

As with all of Steve’s writing, everything is well-written. The dialogue/banter is fun, engaging, and portrays the different character personalities in an accurate way. The way that Fay and the MC develop from kids to growing up is masterfully done. Instead of starting with fully formed characters, the reader gets to see (and experience!) character development. It pulls you into the story because there is sort of an investment you make into following the characters change and grow. I rated this one really high and even if you aren’t a Warhammer dweeb, I would recommend you play this storygame.

I'm going to get this comment featured. :)

Well, where to start... It's a good story like you always manage. I especially liked the humor and the daemon Mel... mel... oh Hell, I'll just call him M. He did remind me of Dendrin from Eternal, but I love both of those characters. I do wonder why M focused so much on our protagonist (though a bit was cleared up in a certain ending). I hope to see you developed their relationship if you ever make a sequel because I'd love to see more of our friendly daemon.

Fay is a bit of an interesting character. At first, I believed that you would take that character in plainly romantic directions due to... her original state of dress. Nonetheless, their relationship is mostly just two warriors and friends which I found refreshing (though there are ways to make their relationship a "relationship"). Her character development was lacking, for she was simply our protagonists' loyal, tough friend. The most interesting aspect of her that I found was *semi-spoilers* when she asked to be a couple. Regardless of the answer being yes or no, she would state that she agreed and wanted that answer *End Spoilers*. I believe that all she wanted was to make Karth happy which is a very nice thing to do in a very dark galaxy.

Speaking about the galaxy, I like the way you created this grimdark world. Everything's basically either corrupt, trying to kill, or doing both. The leaders of the various factions were all quite memorable which is a strong feat since there were so many of them. I was never lost or confused about the world, though I certainly have not much of a clue with what is beyond the very little of the universe that Karth has already seen.

The one major problem I have is the linear nature of the game. Much like Necromancers' non-demon path, the two options are either die and end the game or live and continue on with the storyline. Perhaps I missed something, but the only major variation that I found, from making opposite and surviving choices in two different play-throughs, was through on-page scripting. Nonetheless, your rather amazing writing abilities and the 8/8 length more than make up for this sole fault I can find with Fear the Psyker.

Finally, this is a fanficion... Damn, that's impressive. If it wasn't for the fact that you said that this is fanfiction (and my previous knowledge on Warhammer), I'd have no idea that this is FF. At least at the time of this posting, CYS needs some really good games to enter this category, and I am very thankful that you have. Hopefully, this shows that it is possible to actually write good ff in a choose your own story format. I give this an 8/8 especially since this is historically a less than stellar category.

Oh, also... Waaagh!

Kyros

I enjoyed it. A psyker MC was an interesting perspective and there were some different directions the story can branch. The characters were fun and entertainingly strange(as expected of Chaos). Would recommend giving it a try.

Fun!!!

Some spelling errors but other then that very good!!

This was a good bit of story, the grammar and spelling was alright, but not perfect. From someone who barely knows anything about Warhammer, this was a good piece nonetheless.

I liked it. Well written and thought out.

Some obvious spelling errors, but an definitely worthwhile.

10/10 Amazing storyline.