Grief

Intro: I will say that I love the direction of this story. It could have been an amazing story filled with tons of potential. However the word length crushes everything that it had to offer. The author even admits he wrote it in fifteen minutes. However for fifteen minutes of work the payoff is quite wonderful. This story exhibits almost all of the bad habits of writing a storygame. Minimal effort, liner, less than 400 words, and much more. However I still see it as a game that should stick around. The emotion and passion I sense from this story is astonishing. While that may not be easy to capture in a longer story, in this one it works. Another thing is the level of mystery surrounding the story. We have no idea about anything, and everything is vague. While this could be good here it is bad. Now without further ado let's begin with the review

Concept: The concept is the worst part of it all. It had so much potential to be something good. Something you could be proud of. All thrown away because you were too lazy to act on it. The story is not bad, but if you would have spent a few days fleshing it out it could have been so much better.

Plot: This is basically non existent. We have a idea of what happens, someone dies and you mourn for her relentlessly, but how did she die? Also at the end you get to choose your outlook. One makes you commit suicide, the other makes you move on. This is good, but I wish it was fleshed out more.

Characters: What characters? All we know of is the protagonist and a girl. They both are lacking names. This is a huge issue. All we know of is a girl who died and the protagonist got depressed by it. What is their back story. Are they lovers? I would assume so but it never tells me. How did they meet, what was their childhood like, just something anything that can help me know them better.

Structure: Well this was liner. It was one of those stories where you have a straight path and one choice at the end. Though there is one thing that sets this story apart from those structure wise. That is the fact that there are FOUR PAGES IN THE ENTIRE STORY. In one playthrough only three. Now do you see the big structure problem here?

Word count: This one is just sad. My review will be over 500 words but this story is less than 400. This and the structure are the things that have killed you story. They are the reason that it is so bad.

Sperling and grammar: Not bad at all.

Conclusion: Good game with lots of potential. Though the fact that its word count and structure are so bad makes it a three. If you were to fix it up a little bit I might have put a four but with this word count and four pages I don't know. Anyway hope you write more 3/8

Unfortunately, the story game was too short, but the quality and emotion in your writing was there. The ending was short but surprisingly heavy.

The most emotional part, the ending where one would choose to acknowledge that she is dead forever and is not coming back. I was actually supersized about how it ended. It was a sad and emotional moment. I knew what was implied, but you did not have to say it. The quality of writing is very good here.

I would surly enjoy a story game with more thought and choices put into it. This kind of writing is very immersive, and I understand that it could be difficult for anyone to put emotion into a longer piece, but I think you will manage to do so very well.This story is a positive foreshadowing of what is to come.

is this even a story game.

Wow, shortest story ever.

So, I decided to start not only rating but actually reviewing a random storygame when I log in, and I got this one.

Wow. This was short - so short that I am not even sure how it qualifies as a "storygame". It is all of 4 pages total including all branches, and there is just ONE choice in the whole thing. It's not really a story, and there is NO game whatsoever.

Quite honestly, I don't have a problem with short games in general, or even those that are not expansive in their writing. However, what is on the page needs to be able to get the job done. In fact if you desire a short story game with few words I would recommend Gower's "Sixteen Words". Each path brilliantly has only 16 words, but there are multiple branches and the story seems much more complete than this one.

The writing here, what there is of it, is not bad. It tries to convey the mood, but much more is needed.

So the options are suicide or never moving on? Really? how is this even really a choice?

It's nice! :3

Going threw grief myself right now this speaks to me. It is short and sad but heartfelt. Yes the way to heal grief is love. But so hard to fine.

The writing was okay, but this was the shortest thing ever. 2/8.

I liked the direction of the story, but it was too short. If the story was longer, then I definitely see a lot of potential in it. I like the writing, but it was too short to get fully immersed in the story. I would love to see this made into a story with more than one choice. Please make more.