Player Comments on Grief

Intro: I will say that I love the direction of this story. It could have been an amazing story filled with tons of potential. However the word length crushes everything that it had to offer. The author even admits he wrote it in fifteen minutes. However for fifteen minutes of work the payoff is quite wonderful. This story exhibits almost all of the bad habits of writing a storygame. Minimal effort, liner, less than 400 words, and much more. However I still see it as a game that should stick around. The emotion and passion I sense from this story is astonishing. While that may not be easy to capture in a longer story, in this one it works. Another thing is the level of mystery surrounding the story. We have no idea about anything, and everything is vague. While this could be good here it is bad. Now without further ado let's begin with the review

Concept: The concept is the worst part of it all. It had so much potential to be something good. Something you could be proud of. All thrown away because you were too lazy to act on it. The story is not bad, but if you would have spent a few days fleshing it out it could have been so much better.

Plot: This is basically non existent. We have a idea of what happens, someone dies and you mourn for her relentlessly, but how did she die? Also at the end you get to choose your outlook. One makes you commit suicide, the other makes you move on. This is good, but I wish it was fleshed out more.

Characters: What characters? All we know of is the protagonist and a girl. They both are lacking names. This is a huge issue. All we know of is a girl who died and the protagonist got depressed by it. What is their back story. Are they lovers? I would assume so but it never tells me. How did they meet, what was their childhood like, just something anything that can help me know them better.

Structure: Well this was liner. It was one of those stories where you have a straight path and one choice at the end. Though there is one thing that sets this story apart from those structure wise. That is the fact that there are FOUR PAGES IN THE ENTIRE STORY. In one playthrough only three. Now do you see the big structure problem here?

Word count: This one is just sad. My review will be over 500 words but this story is less than 400. This and the structure are the things that have killed you story. They are the reason that it is so bad.

Sperling and grammar: Not bad at all.

Conclusion: Good game with lots of potential. Though the fact that its word count and structure are so bad makes it a three. If you were to fix it up a little bit I might have put a four but with this word count and four pages I don't know. Anyway hope you write more 3/8

Unfortunately, the story game was too short, but the quality and emotion in your writing was there. The ending was short but surprisingly heavy.

The most emotional part, the ending where one would choose to acknowledge that she is dead forever and is not coming back. I was actually supersized about how it ended. It was a sad and emotional moment. I knew what was implied, but you did not have to say it. The quality of writing is very good here.

I would surly enjoy a story game with more thought and choices put into it. This kind of writing is very immersive, and I understand that it could be difficult for anyone to put emotion into a longer piece, but I think you will manage to do so very well.This story is a positive foreshadowing of what is to come.

Wow, shortest story ever.

So, I decided to start not only rating but actually reviewing a random storygame when I log in, and I got this one.

Wow. This was short - so short that I am not even sure how it qualifies as a "storygame". It is all of 4 pages total including all branches, and there is just ONE choice in the whole thing. It's not really a story, and there is NO game whatsoever.

Quite honestly, I don't have a problem with short games in general, or even those that are not expansive in their writing. However, what is on the page needs to be able to get the job done. In fact if you desire a short story game with few words I would recommend Gower's "Sixteen Words". Each path brilliantly has only 16 words, but there are multiple branches and the story seems much more complete than this one.

The writing here, what there is of it, is not bad. It tries to convey the mood, but much more is needed.

So the options are suicide or never moving on? Really? how is this even really a choice?

It's nice! :3

Going threw grief myself right now this speaks to me. It is short and sad but heartfelt. Yes the way to heal grief is love. But so hard to fine.

The writing was okay, but this was the shortest thing ever. 2/8.

I liked the direction of the story, but it was too short. If the story was longer, then I definitely see a lot of potential in it. I like the writing, but it was too short to get fully immersed in the story. I would love to see this made into a story with more than one choice. Please make more.

very short, very sweet

... Wow. I mean I was expecting the game to be short, but holy fuck was that short. I mean, it was a really good premise for a game, but I don't think that one choice really counts as a game.

Short, but kinda sour in execution. This one seems more like a vent more than an actual attempt at a story. Good thing to cry for at 3 am, but bad anywhere else you didn’t want a wattpad vent one shot

Gaaaaaay

Please add a little bit of unzipping pants and lotion. I am very lonely and would like this added for my pleasure.

wow that was creepy, I liked it :) it was short and sweet

Far too short, but the writing was better than a good 60% of the content on this site, even if it was in an underdeveloped, sort of cliche way.

Wow...
I would have liked the story to have been longer, but amazing overall.

Holy crap. One click and gone. I've seen paragraphs longer than the whole of this story.

There was emotion behind the writing to some extent so props for that. Though the length could've definitely improved the quality and development of the story. I would love to see a continuation of this going into more detail.

Far too short but the writing was top-notch

Hm. Cool.

I can't tell if that was a good or bad ending. No closure... ???

I think it was way way to short I think if you made it like Longer it could be good.

Certainly not very long. Long stories are what get people interested, and a maybe 1-2 minute long storygame is not really what I look forward to. Other than that, the storyline is interesting. More backstory, perhaps, and longer, and you have a good story.

Oh shit. That was short but had a deep meaning, Grieving so much over someone that you would commit suicide? This is a really good game, no matter what someone else might say.

That was..... short.

This was not,, snazzy

It was well written for the time it was written in.

Very moving---very. I look forward to reading another story written by you.

Um. . . Defiantly a longer one next time please

God...so touching...

Its good for a first timer. But your right so you owe us one to make more effort and style until you could advance it okay?!

It was short...but it was powerful.

This is a good start, but that's what it is: a start. Make this longer, please.

The story was very short and I didn't really like how there was only a few options to take. I think it was boring but it was good for your first story I guess.

wack ass game.

It is too short to be of much interest. There's only a few choices. 4/8

Boring

Way too short but beautiful writing. It'd be nice to see this developed further

It was really a small one but I guess good effort in 15mins u did a good job I guess

Good job!

It was short and I didn't really understand it

Thats cool. but very short.

THIS WAS SAD!

FUCK. WHY THE HELL DID I READ THIS? DAMN IT. I AM SO SAD.

Kind of creepy I guess...

not bad. short and sweet.

i like it i have alot of grief in live and everybody needs help with it i had to many u know.....

My character committed suicide? How... boring.

Hmmm.... This was a promising introduction if anything.

Decent writing, but 3 pages with a paragraph each do not make much of a story.

Too short to even count as a game.. cant really get sad since I didnt know wth even happened. Nice writting though :)

So sad..

If it was longer, it would probably be really good.

Seriously? I went through both and one page? Come on dude

to short but good wondering what story's will be like hopefuly not as short as this one

Short but good.

Knowing what would happen, I chose the suicide ending for the lulz. I ruined the deepness of the whole thing for me, but I do suppose it would have been nice if I hadn't done that. (I have a tendency to ruin it for myself, my apologies.)

It's good for what it is

Wow... that was very, very good.

it tought me a life lesson. And of course, it brought me enlightenment

Short and sad... I liked it

very touching even though it is so short

In just 4 pages, you have created something so heart warming, I almost cried. You are an excellent author ,and I hope to see more from you in the future! :)

could've been longer.

Only three pages, yet enough beauty to make me shed a tear. I like it how in one ending, he kind of goes insane and decides to kill himself, while in the other, he finally accepts the truth.

I would LIKE to give this a proper critique, but since it's just three pages, I don't know what to say. I guess you have good grammar and content?

I definitely saw this as more of an excerpt to expose your writing than any sort of 'game', or even a full story. However, the emotional level of writing shows promise for future endeavors.

Wow...maybe a different genre here altogether: what you have here seems more like a poemgame or something.

still quite good, for being this short.

I want to know how you managed to make me this emotionally traumatized in under two minutes. 90% of me says congratulations, this is a great little blurb of a thing and I love it and the other 10% is in a corner depressed right now. So, despite the shortness, good job.

Definitely my favorite "Make sure not to blink" game I've read... That said, most games on this site rated 1 for length are along the lines of "you wak up and go downstairs to see yor grlfriend and she is really hot and OMG SHES DED! WHY IS SHE DED OMG ITS A ZOMBEE!" So, this is probably the only really short story game where I can genuinely say I'm looking forward to reading more of your work ^_^

I can't say I've ever played a better 4-page storygame.

The writing was not bad, but I didn't give it a higer rating because it was too short, and too little choices.

Short as hell, but certantly not bad. Writing was quite good, but that should be expected for a work of this length. I hope to see a longer work from you in the near future. 4/8