Lilly of the Forest

I like the idea for this story. I think that is a really targeted audience for the story, but that’s fine. I’m just not sure how many others of that age that are going to find this story or even this web site, but hopefully some will, because that would be nice. I can appreciate the limited number of options as well because as you point out; too many options might make it too confusing for the target audience.

The options themselves were interesting because there really was a path through the story where you don’t do anything, don’t really see anything, and just go home. I’m not sure what that would say about your reader who selected that path. I mean, I can kind of see why it’s there, but that path leads to, well, a story where nothing happens, and what’s the point of a story where nothing happens, even if the story is for very young children?

Overall, this is a nice story considering the target audience for the story. I also like how actions earlier in the story can affect the story later on (hi, mama bear!). Thank you for sharing the story with the site.

For a young child, I think it's a very good game. It has a storybook-like atmosphere to it, and the vocabulary is well-chosen. For a four~five year old, there maybe are a few words they don't know, but that would make this game an even better learning experience. Nice job!

For a game created for a four- to five- year old, it was great. The correct choices all reflect morals of altruism, determination, perseverance, etc. Perhaps because this site has already conditioned me to expect 'continue or die' choices, I was constantly paranoid that something horrible was about to happen to the main character, but that ultimately proved not to be the case, haha. It was well-written with good grammar and spelling, and at a level that I think toddlers can easily understand what is going on. Pictures would have vastly improved the experience.

Outside of the context of a game for a toddler, however, I found it cute but ultimately without any sort of suspense (not counting my own overly paranoid brain). The descriptions were quite skimpy, and some of the choices such as 'keep climbing' were a little repetitive and felt a bit tedious. It didn't really bother me much and I felt that it was worth playing through at least once, but I probably won't be replaying this.

All in all, good job. I'd love to see you make a game targeted at an older audience, because you seem to have an excellent grasp of literacy and a knack for building up a great atmosphere for your story.

I thought it was cute. I liked the story, and for a 5 year old, it's perfect. I'm obviously not going to judge this one like I would a different story. For its purposes and for what it's trying to do, the story did well.

I would add a few more characters, maybe a trickster character, maybe a comic relief character. Keep the same length of words on each page, but I would flesh it out a little.

Because it wasn’t the worst but not the best.

It was a good adventure

so much fun

I like my version. But, I think there must an addition scene after Lilly entranced fairy tale home. It will be fun and interesting, I hope.

This story`s plot was very interesting, we can make the story upon ourself.

i think lily is a brave girl, and she is kind. She helps the baby bear