Player Comments on Lilly of the Forest

I like the idea for this story. I think that is a really targeted audience for the story, but that’s fine. I’m just not sure how many others of that age that are going to find this story or even this web site, but hopefully some will, because that would be nice. I can appreciate the limited number of options as well because as you point out; too many options might make it too confusing for the target audience.

The options themselves were interesting because there really was a path through the story where you don’t do anything, don’t really see anything, and just go home. I’m not sure what that would say about your reader who selected that path. I mean, I can kind of see why it’s there, but that path leads to, well, a story where nothing happens, and what’s the point of a story where nothing happens, even if the story is for very young children?

Overall, this is a nice story considering the target audience for the story. I also like how actions earlier in the story can affect the story later on (hi, mama bear!). Thank you for sharing the story with the site.

For a young child, I think it's a very good game. It has a storybook-like atmosphere to it, and the vocabulary is well-chosen. For a four~five year old, there maybe are a few words they don't know, but that would make this game an even better learning experience. Nice job!

For a game created for a four- to five- year old, it was great. The correct choices all reflect morals of altruism, determination, perseverance, etc. Perhaps because this site has already conditioned me to expect 'continue or die' choices, I was constantly paranoid that something horrible was about to happen to the main character, but that ultimately proved not to be the case, haha. It was well-written with good grammar and spelling, and at a level that I think toddlers can easily understand what is going on. Pictures would have vastly improved the experience.

Outside of the context of a game for a toddler, however, I found it cute but ultimately without any sort of suspense (not counting my own overly paranoid brain). The descriptions were quite skimpy, and some of the choices such as 'keep climbing' were a little repetitive and felt a bit tedious. It didn't really bother me much and I felt that it was worth playing through at least once, but I probably won't be replaying this.

All in all, good job. I'd love to see you make a game targeted at an older audience, because you seem to have an excellent grasp of literacy and a knack for building up a great atmosphere for your story.

I thought it was cute. I liked the story, and for a 5 year old, it's perfect. I'm obviously not going to judge this one like I would a different story. For its purposes and for what it's trying to do, the story did well.

I would add a few more characters, maybe a trickster character, maybe a comic relief character. Keep the same length of words on each page, but I would flesh it out a little.

Because it wasn’t the worst but not the best.

It was a good adventure

so much fun

I like my version. But, I think there must an addition scene after Lilly entranced fairy tale home. It will be fun and interesting, I hope.

This story`s plot was very interesting, we can make the story upon ourself.

i think lily is a brave girl, and she is kind. She helps the baby bear

the story was fun because we can decide our own storyline

it's really interesting

its a great story

its a simple story but I'm interested for that

I rather reading story than doing homework

this story is fun

that was a great story

because this story not interesting enough

Is the story fun dan enjoy
I like this

Besides the interesting story, it's also an interesting way of reading for me, as I'm always interested in the plot.

The story is veru intersting, many adventures was lily passed. I like when she help a babby bear it's very kind of lily.

this is a great story. the plot twist is memorable

This story is very interesting and funny. I can choose my own plot to this story and it was really fun.

I like the story because the genre is so interesting

This story is very interesting and we can choose the plot ourselves so it's very fun

this was very interesting!! im so exited to determine how the next storyline.

The game's ending was too abrupt and sudden and it's virtually the same ending every time you play. I'm not sure if this was just a prototype experiment for your actual game, but this definitely can use a lot more development.

uh it was good but kinda plain

more fun than homework

not the best and not the worst either.

perfect story of my mind. Thank you for giving me a way to create my own plot story:)

pretty good, but not enough for me

The text is perfect, not too easy and not too difficult for me

there were very vague choices

It's such a great idea to make people more interesting to read a story. I hope the way like this can be continued to many days to come.

It is such a creative way to make us (the reader) find our own plot for the story. It is interesting to do.

It is fun

its fun

It was a nice little game and there are good characters in it.

It's cute and charming for a children's story.

I get that you were trying to make something for a little kid, but other than your granddaughter, I don't think that any other 4-5 year olds will find it here. But other than the fact that this is on a pretty much all adult website, the story was good, and this would definitely be a fun story for younger kids. It was almost like a fairytale, and was just the right amount of words and the right level of vocabulary for a little kid. Good job, this is better than most of the other stories this length on this site.

I am always looking for stories for my young ESL students. This was one that I can recommend.

i wanted her to not run and become friends with the wolf anyways it was a good story.

I like it but it should be more

it was awesome!

no commets

I like that you can pick your own adventure and I like what the options are, but I think there should be more excitement in the story. :)

I like that you gave us a chance to pick what we wanted to happen in the book! And I like that the mama bear saved Lily from the fox because Lily saved the baby bear. I also just really like the book. I would read this instead of going to recces!

I think it is a 5 because it didn't give much detail and
Lilly did not get to the bear to see if its OK but the good thing is that she helped the bear.

the story was good. not the best, but not the worst. if only it was longer

AWESOME#3!!!!!!!!!¬!!!!

it was very good!

i liked it but there should be a read alout button

I really liked this,it's fun and exciting.

I liked it was really interesting

A beautiful story! Even if it was short, there was no death, and I got food!

Your story inspired me to write my own adventure for children! It's created very nicely.

It was amazing! I liked being in charge.

relly bad

good

I may have underestimated my daughter. She loves this sort of thing though

Really nice for a short childs story.

Super short, super sweet. I enjoyed this.

LOVED IT

itys a really great game

it was ok

wonderful but I could of make it better but ok. it would be more funny if the baby bear kills her and eats her and make a voodoo doll and end up killing her granny :()

so fun I love it so much do another pone where she dies god bless ya xx

with the age group intended 8/8

For your intended audience, this was perfect. Exactly the sort of thing that a four-year-old girl would love. Heck, I would've loved this as a kid. Very cute :)

This was really cute. I would have written it higher if it had illustrations, something every children's story needs. But I think thus is underrated because I feel the author accomplished what was intended.

I am 8 years old and I want to be an author when I grow up. I've already written Lilly The Witch 1. I am thinking to do Lilly the witch 2 as an adventure book.

10/10 better than rise of iron

my favourite game ever!!!! please do more

Decent

bad, don't recommend

Pretty boring ngl, not really a game as such.

It was amazing

I found this interesting because you can end up with many endings.

It was good and I thought it was very clever

it was ok

Really cute! That looks awesome and great for little kids! When i grow up and have a kid, i will have to show them this story!

This is good, I'm only concerned about one thing: if a child comes across a wild animal, especially something like a baby bear, they should NOT approach. I'm not really one of those people who freaks out about these things, I can appreciate avoid story. Just thought I would point it out??

There was no grammar or punctuation errors I could find. But It is very, very short.

I chose to read this one to see how other people are putting thiers together. Honestly I thought it was fantastic for young readers. However the ending really wasn't my favorite part. Also it felt as though it had a broken record effect. Lilly was walking through the forest (next page) Lilly was walking through the forest. I think you should cut back on some of that line lol but over all it was enjoyable to read and use your story as a learning experience.

Kind of dull in my opinion. Just cause it's a kids story doesn't mean you can't make interesting characters or a more complex plot.

And this is more of an infant story. 3/8

A little dull...

Cute, but just because it's a kid's story does not mean that it has to be so linear.

I know it was for little kids, but tell me. What little kids go on this sight?

Malk, this is supposed to be read to children.

I'm afraid I had to rate this 3/8. The writing felt sort of average, and it quickly becomes apparent that this shouldn't be published on CYS. We don't actually have any five-year-olds on here.

Maybe I'll read it to my nephew; see what he thinks. I'm just observing from a critical standpoint.

its so cute! its a rating of 8 but i like peanut butter cups more then enlightning so i will show my sister this [shes 4 too] ^3^

Great book for younger kids! My little sister read it and truly seemed to enjoy it. Thanks!

So cute! Great for my lil sister when she gets older! I can't wait to read it to her!

I gave it a 6/8 because I felt merciful. The problem with this story lies in two contradicting facts:

1.You explicitly stated it was for 5 or 6 year olds.
2. 5 or 6 year olds are usually not on the internet, and they are usually too busy playing COD, if they are.

Still, it was fairly well written, so I must congratulate you.

Cute.

It's cute, but if you're trying to appeal to children (and I hope you are) then I highly recommend adding pictures.

Cute. :)

I loved it.
I'm an old man.

Um... this story had little detail and little story. I finished the game in literally 1 minute. Kind of short for 3/8 length. But... it still was neat and short 3/8

I love this!! I read it with my two small girls, who are two and four, and they had great fun. I liked the adventures in the forest - I think the little pastiches were perfect for the girls' attention spans and curiosity.

Very cute story, but I know my little sister would not touch it without pictures.

Played this with my baby brother, he liked it very much, so I boosted the rating a bit.
Thanks!

nice :)

And how the fuck is a child supposed to play this. When it has learned to read, it is already too old for this kind of game. Not complete shit, just inappropriate. 2/8

D'awhh. It's cute!

This is very good for a small child. I feel that it is very enjoyable, and if I had a child I would most defiantly let them play with it. I think that it was simple enough for them to navigate, while complex enough for them to challenge their mind.

That was a nice story for little kids.

I'm far too old for this, but I liked the ending, I thought it was sweet.

Is the question at the end intended to get a child's parents/caretakers to encourage the child to engage her/his imagination and describe the fairy dust and what its for? I liked how you built up a sense of safety and comfort before asking that question at the end.

As I went through the game, I kept going because I imagined that is what I was supposed to do. However, I figure a real child would have gone home pretty early. Perhaps if you provide some reason why the child need to get the fairy dust? Or at least needs to meet the fairy? Maybe a dream told her to climb the hill or something.

kitty story

i love it

it was magical very fun

So cute!

Awww! So adorable! I love how simple it is! If I had brain damage, this would totally be my favorite story!

Fun! ^_^

Very nice story

Interesting idea but not sure same effect not possible reading and discussing a "normal" picture book story. and I wonder about lack of visuals for a four year old. but I'd like to try it out

it's cute! and it is pretty good for a 4-5 year old. very simple and cute!

Good for the kids.

Well-written for a children's story. 6/8

It's so adorable:) I love innocence

It is pretty cute, but it's not for me. Just because I don't like it doesn't mean it's not a good story though, which is what I try to rate on. Bo approves

Clearly, the word that best sums this up is "cute."

This is a very adorable story. It contains common themes that young children would find fun and exciting. I think you set a good example for other parents and grandparents on the site for them to make their own stories for their loved ones.

That game is the best! Good job!

This is a very cute story. One that I think would be very amusing and adorable for young children. I think it would be awesome if you could find some pictures (or draw some if you're good at that), and it would make the story that much better.

very cute

it was cute and interesting, but i think you're meant to make a sequel am i right? you ended it like its the beginning of another book.

I think its a very sweet, but simple story. Its definatly a good story for small children. Good job!

I adjusted the story just a little bit so the princess recognizes both feats when they are completed. My granddaughter sailed through the story. When we talked about what the fairy dust might do, I suggested maybe I could sprinkle it on her to make her invisible. She waved at the top of my head and said that she would sprinkle it on my head to make my hair grow! I may try to lengthen the next story to see if she can stay with a longer one. Have to use only two choices though (evaluating and choosing from three alternatives is a lot for a young mind to handle).

I actually really enjoyed this, thanks for the contribution to the site.