You play a dog, who is about to be entered in a dog show. Can you win?

This is a fantasy game about children with powers. This is my first story game, and I apologize if it seems rough.

This game is different from the way most story games are, or even games in general. You can't really win.

This is a serious game about sickness and death. THIS IS A HEAVY GAME. There is nothing violent or inappropriate, just sad.

I hope you still enjoy this!

Note: Please don't comment that this game is "depressing" or likewise. I warned you! So please try to keep comments to constructive criticism or complements.

This game is basically a simulation of other games. It's simple, so it may be best for a younger child. The games are in categories of how hard they are.

What if you could go back to all the worst moments in you life, and redo them?
You play 15-year-old Alex, and you have had your fair share of embarrassing mess ups, bad choices, and just those awful little things life throws at you. And today is no different. Or is it?

I guess you're right. I'll do my best to not focus to much on gender, but will keep calling Alex "her".

I am debating between making my character being gender neutral or female (I chose "Alex" because it can be male or female). I am doing my best to make it not super gender oriented, but I still refer to her as, well, her. It is easier for me to write this way. Ideas?

On a similar note, she has a crush on a boy. This person isn't super important and is really only in the beginning (as of now). Should I refer to this person as s/he, or just use he?

I would like if someone could give me suggestions. I currently have it so Alex is a girl, and she likes a guy, but I have a little note a the beginning that says that you can think of her as a he. Is this too much, too little, or whatever?

I want to decide now so I can use that as I continue my story.

Yes, I was going to do that! (the grammar part I'm already working on) I plan to make this fairly complicated.

That's great!

That's good to hear! When it comes out I hope you enjoy it!

Okay! I appreciate your response. This is really good advice, thank you for sharing!

Thanks! This isn't actually the first page, there is quite a bit of back story, but that would be too much to post here. I know what I posted is confusing as a beginning, but I thought that was the best part to put in, since that's where the story truly begins.

I'm sorry about the spelling errors! I did use spell check, but it wasn't working very well. I'll be sure to fix those!

Thank you so much for responding, I will take all this into consideration.

Hi! I am a new writer, and haven't published anything. I am working on a story that I want to turn into  series (an actual series, where each story could be by its self and not a bunch a short chapters.) Of, course, I need to focus on this one first!

The premise is that you are a 15-year-old girl who's life kind of stinks. You face daily humiliation, and are haunted by your biggest mistakes in the past.

But a mysterious agency sends you on an adventure to ten different points in your life, where you have the chance to fix them. On these you realize that your life is much more than a social disaster, and you missed many opportunities to help people and yourself(hope that isn't to cheesy).

I really want some feed back, but HATE demos. So I was wondering if any one here could help? I'm not 100% sure how do this, so I'm just going to include one page:

Your journal is gone. In it's place is a white circle, about the size of your palm. You pick it up. It has a tree engraved on front, The... thing is as thick as your finger, and a white chain is dangling down.

You notice a latch and press it. The circle springs open, like a locket. On one side is a clock, with a small golden dial in the side. On the other is a screen. It has three green dots on it, with a blue back ground. Each has an emblem on it. One has a book, one has a leaf, and one has a star.

Welcome.

You nearly jump out of your skin at the robotic female voice.

I am Time History Alteration Device Assistant, or THADA. I am here to help ou through your journey, courtesy of Circe Industries.

"Where am I?" You ask.

Perhaps a more appropriate question would be "When am I?".

"Okay... WHEN am I?"

You are at 8:24 am, on May 21, In the year 3091.

"WHAT?!? But it should be 2016!"

In order for your wold to continue, you had to be pulled into a future zone.

"But this is my room!"

Yes, and no. This is an exact copy of your room, down to the atom.

"Crap, I have to get home!"

You can not. You are home.

"So this IS a dream?"

No. You are an exact copy of yourself, down to the atom. Your conscience is here.

"But what am I doing? The original me, I mean."

You are in frozen conscience standby.

"I'm what?"

You may recognize it better as a "comma".

"I'm in a comma?!?"

Yes.

"I have to get home."

You can not.

"So I'm stuck here?"

Yet.

"Yet?"

You can not go home yet.

You sigh, not even sure why you are talking to this robot. And worse yet, you actually are starting to believe it. "What do I have to do?"

Your life is too... full. You must correct ten events in your life, and then you may go home. These events affect you to much to stay unchanged.

"How long will that take?"

As long as it does. But your body will wait. Depending, of course.

"Depending on what?"

Whether your parents "pull the plug".

Oh no. "Let's get going then!"

I suggest you become more familiar with my systems first. Please click on an icon.

"Just tell me what I have to do!" You yell, but there is no response.

Please give me feed ack on whether this is a good idea, what I can do to improve it, etc. I really am a dedicated writer, so I'm as committed as a busy high schooler can be! I hope I am going about this in the right way, and sorry if I seem like a novice- 'cause I am!

-Ryndragonmaster