Me my sister and Frozen

Wow...where do I begin with this.

First let me say that as shamed as I am to say this, I did enjoy the movie Frozen. Yes this is true, I am a fan of Frozen. So imagine my displeasure when I come across this story based on a movie that I actually enjoyed!

The grammar isn't dreadful, but it is bad. And it gets worse as you continue through the story. At first, I thought I could ignore it. I actually tried, but it's impossible! The punctuation really needs some work, and so does your spacing. Some parts of the story require me to reread it in order to figure out what is happening. That is not a good thing.

"So Danaos, if this story is based of a movie you liked you must have thought it was good!"

That couldn't be any further from the truth. The story can best be described as stale, bland, lacking any flavor. You are taking the role of a transgender person living in the Kingdom of Arrendale during the time of the new queen's rise to power. I say transgender because it seems like no one even knows whether or not I'm a boy or girl. Hell, they don't even know if I should wear a dress or a suit.

This WILL bother you throughout the whole story. You are referred to as a 'brother/sister', a 'son/daughter', and a 'girl/boy'. Apparently not even the author could decide what gender the main character should be. Not that is matters anyway. It adds NOTHING to the story at all.

Almost every page on in this storygame averages a few sentences each. Not only that, but the author has taken the liberty to explain everything to us in PARENTHESIS. How many times do we need to bring this up? Please refrain from using parenthesis when trying to add detail to a scene. You need to learn how to actually describe the see, paint a picture, create a sound. That will give some more depth and elaboration to your story. NOT adding parenthesis to every scene. On some pages, you ask if we [the reader] has gotten over something, or understands something. How can we even answer those questions if we don't even know what's happening? In fact, why are you [the author] even asking us these questions? It breaks immersion within the story constantly.

The dialogue, is cliché and boring. At several points it just makes no sense. On one page I openly say I don't like the queen. On the next, I'm defending her. Apparently, not only am I transgender, but I'm also bipolar.

My final verdict for this story is a 1/8. Stay away. Far, far away.

You are an amazing writer. It states that you are 10, and today that would make you 12. You are awesome to take so much time and create this game. You are awesome! I can not wait to read your books someday. To all the negative players try to give more constructive feedback and don't be mean. Good job kid!

I couldn't read it. The grammar was awful. :/

And "trek through the forest" is not an appropriate way to describe the difficulty. More like "boring conversation after boring conversation". The dialogue was not descriptive, and you couldn't even really tell what was going on.

amazing you should make a story of how you think frozen two should look like but with the main charter that i played and kate

I read about few chapters, when I decided:

"This would be glorious to review"

As such, it is now residing in my saves list, waiting for a proper moment.

I admit I've seen worse. But not much worse.

The thing that annoys me most is the grammar and spelling. I'm a bit of a grammar nazi, so this whole thing just makes me cringe. Maybe you can take some time to check over you work or have someone help you check over it because there is not one page that is grammar-perfect.

Another thing are the choices. On pretty much every page, there is only one or two choices. That gives the story a stiff plot, which pretty much destroys the whole point of a choose-your-own. It's not helped by the fact that only a certain choice lets you move forward. Mostly otherwise, it just says something like "Kate hates you now and never talks to you again."

All in all, I give this piece of c-- work a 2/8

. . . ok...... needs more work. the anna and kate both being so her
struck is unoriginal. but you did put some effort...sort of..... the grammar needs major work. here is your random rating
8/8

Frozen...is just...way too overrated these days...

I hate this.

That was quite cute. I've never seen Frozen but I do like the song Let it go which for some strange reason seems to be the most popular English-language song in China. Obviously you worked very hard on this but there was a lot of story there, a few more choices might increase the enjoyment factor? Still, I liked it :)