The 46th Annual Hunger Games

I'm afraid this story suffers from the same problems as your first.

Problem number one: my character just killed five or six other kids, but I, the reader, feel nothing. Why? Because I don't even know what they look like. You give at least some of them names, but nothing more than that. Why should I care if all I see of someone is their name? Make me care. Tell me that the boy I just speared is afraid of dying, blood seeping into his coat and his short brown hair, gurgling as his eyes go dark. Make me feel, not just scratch off names.

Almost none of the scenery is described either. What if, instead of going to the Hunger Games movie, you were given a radio show. "District Five boy just killed District One boy." And that was all you got. Would you care? Could you even visualize the scene? We're meant to be in the story. Tell us what we see, hear, and smell in the forest. When we climb the tree, tell us what the bark feels like. Give us scrapes and bruises, stickiness of the sap. Make us feel like we're there.

Finally, there aren't really any choices in this game. Everything is either "you live" or "you die." There is only one right path leading to one ending, so there's no point in playing the story more than once. Give us multiple branches of story to choose from and more control over the character than "right" or "wrong". Make us want to see what happens next when we click a choice instead of "one of these is game over. Probably that one. Ok, let's move on."

Try reading some of the highly rated stories on the site. Endmaster, BerkaZerka, JJJthebanisher, these people are successful for a reason. When you write something, ask yourself, "if this was a novel, would people buy it? If this wasn't my story, would I play it twice?" When the total text in all branches of the story adds up to a page at most and there is no emotion or description at all, the answer to both will be "no".

good

Too short.

not good, doesn't make sense

it is so addicting

its great

It happened so fast, it was boring

This was just bad and extremely unlikely to happen in an hunger games

It has a nice concept but it was too short to develop any nice plot

Umm. Ok we're to begin. Well I one the whole thing the second time I tried so it is so easy.