The Story of the Mystery Mansion

1) 5 pages. Wow. Really?

2) Not a choose your own story. Instant 1/8.

3. Oh, and you called them Chapters per page. I think you're mistaken, as a page DOES NOT EQUAL a chapter.

4. Your story has plotholes.

5. You rated it 8/8... You do realize that doesn't affect your story's score, right?

6. Please, take more time on your story GAMESSSSSS G A M E S
and don't make them an utterly barebones story.

Okay, I have a serious question.

HOW THE FUCK DID HE WRITE THIS STORY IF HE'S DEAD? (spoilers: the main character dies)

The other issues this story has honestly aren't even worth bringing up since it's not a CYOA in the first place and will be removed shortly.

Sad Fact: someone who writes five pages of easy-to-read stuff will get dozens of reviews, comments and critiques. Someone who actually spends a month or two to write 100+ pages will get less than half the reviews and comments the story that took one hour to write did because it actually takes time and brain power to read a long story.

WHEN DID THE PEOPLE ON THIS SITE GET SO LAZY?

Uhh... what... was... this...? This is not a game. This is a story. If you want to make a story, go somewhere else.

Not only is each "chapter" one page long, but it's been given praise by its own author, who, while perfectly able to fake his name in a comment he wasn't logged in for, DOESN'T EVEN PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE ELSE, AND MAKES HIMSELF LOOK PATHETIC!

Return thee to Wattpad, Troll!

This website is called "Choose Your Story". You have a story that's petty good, but you're missing the "Choose" part of it. What you did is sort of like trying to drive a car that's out of gas. It won't work.

Why the heck are you writing this here? The story isn't even that long, anyway! go to the forums and post the story, this is for GAMES. okay? GAME. G.A.M.E.

This is not a game, it is a story and one without choices which calls pages chapters and is being praised as an 8/8 by the author. It's a damn shame because the writing itself shows potential, but as an addition to CYS, this is an utter failure.

It was alright, actually, it was really good, and I applaud you for this story, but when I made chapter stories without choices on my last story, I was told not to, and I now prefer the choices, so if you might be able to make this a story with choices, it might become so much more popular. It was great, but I give a 5/8

Well... this was not a storygame. This was an awful story. Also, pages are not chapters.