A Zombie Night

This story is a nightmare/horror scenario that capably gives the reader the opportunity to make choices as they fight to escape an attack.

The narrative relies pretty heavily on telling the reader what's being felt ("The wet, sucking sound as she falls and the tool pulls free from her eye makes nausea roil in Jenny's stomach.") at moments when I think the narrative could sustain it. This author is good enough at writing to make their sentences tighter, and rely less on telling.

Another example: "The crunch is sickening and Jenny feels a pang in her stomach for killing the tiny child, but she doesn't have time to dwell on that." This is a really compelling moment, and the result of a pretty good choice, and I think it would be even more powerful if you just give us the crunch and maybe the fall of the body. Saying there's a "pang in her stomach" really slackens the tension the author has built up.

The choices are often interesting and varied. A few might be rephrased, like "Jenny asks Michael for help and trades fights with him since he has the longer weapon" which just hits my ear a bit clumsily.

The game felt a bit short, but I don't think that's necessarily a problem. There's some effective emotion, some excitement, and a bit of forking leading to a couple of endings. I might have liked to see a little more forking and tactical choices as I escaped, and maybe a little more emotional stuff, especially between Jenny and Michael.

A few minor things:
Lots of characters are introduced all at once--Jenny, Crazy Tom, Peggy, Maggie, Mindy, Mindy's father, old Henry, Hailee the postwoman, Michael the hot neighbor. These are not all important characters, but there are so many names thrown in all at once that it's overwhelming.
The scene after turning on the light is pretty confusing. There's a keen from outside, arms "throw out" from under the bed, an army crawls out (!), a head looks up, there's a thunk at the window, Peggy and Maggie are at the window, a head bangs on the frame as someone pushes her head through, someone falls on the floor, they grunt, moan, and bare their teeth.
That's a lot going on at a very high volume right away, and it's hard for a reader to grapple with, action-wise and perspective-wise all the same time. You might want to find a way to reveal more slowly. A creepy dude coming out from under the bed should be terrifying. So spend time on that moment rather than mix it in with so much other stuff going on.

Spelling: arms/army; the dress is properly spelled muumuu, not moo moo.

Best game ever!!!!!!!!!!!!

Um…kewl?

Was fun, however waaaay too short.

this is
poop

ur mum

It was a little boring and the plot line was a little dull.

This is the best horror storygame I’ve ever played! I enjoyed it A LOT!

Very good story i love the choices but i feel like their is a bit to much explaining going on (i prefare simple story's thats just me sorry)

It was amazing. Jenny got paranoid, but at least I didn't die! :)