Player Comments on Biscuits and Ghosts

Well, that was a unique ghost story, with an interesting voice and slight whimsicality that almost reminded me of Terry Pratchett. You even had Oberon speaking like Bill Door, with no quotation marks (although missing the all caps).

I really, really loved the prologue. First, Cynthia's grief and even denial rang true to me (like when she prayed to the gods to bring Zita back—something she knew was impossible). The best ghost stories have at least a hint of despair, and this one delivered. Well done with Cynthia beating herself over the head with her grief. "Sadness pinned me down on those sheets you and I shared so many nights" is a great line, because the implied intense intimacy amplifies the feeling of loss. Lesser writers might neglect statements like that, instead writing something like "I loved you so much, and now you're dead." That sort of thing alone won't cut it, but with lines like the one I mentioned above, it increases the immersion inside the protagonist's grief.

But not only was there a sense of loss from the separation, there was also a sense of loss from what never was: we find that Cynthia wishes her last name was Dacosta—Zita's last name—and later in the story we find that Zita is married. That had to burn Cynthia's heart so much, and it only would have been amplified by Zita's death. I imagine Cynthia might wonder why Zita never left her husband entirely (this is implied, but maybe I'm inaccurate here). Did she not love Cynthia enough? Whatever pressures there were that prevented Zita from fully embracing her relationship with Cynthia enough to give Cynthia her last name in a marriage, unfortunately, are not explored. At least not in the branches I went through. I would have liked this aspect of their relationship to be more deeply explored. I imagine Cynthia felt like a side-piece sometimes, and this could have created some nice conflict.

The writing itself was pretty good. In fact, it was exceptionally easy to read. The small paragraphs and short pages makes the reader feel like they are zipping along. Nice job on that. However, with respect to the writing CHOICES, I'm not so sure like the way swapping between POVs was done. It isn't immediately clear that the actor is Zita; at first I thought it was just some strange mistake the author was making by mixing the tenses and apparent POVs of the choices with the first person POV of Cynthia. And then later when third person perspective is shown to be Zita, it gave me a bit of whiplash as I had to spend two seconds thinking about whose perspective I was in. I understand this was an artistic choice by the author. I'm just not sure how much I like it.

I did like the call back about the slapping. It appeared early in the story to kind of be their "thing," where Zita bitch slaps Cynthia, but it's kind of an act of endearment. So late in the story where I had the choice to kiss Cynthia or bitch slap her, I think we all know which option I chose. Stories need symmetry. I slapped the symmetry into the story with that choice. Well done.

Of course, this got me thinking about the deeper dynamics of their relationship. Was it a BDSM thing? Was it a bully to lover thing? Was it all some old joke they shared? Was it a codependent, slightly abusing domestic violence situation? I suppose this would be found if I read the other stories in this series.

WHICH BRINGS me back to another good thing: this is a stand-alone story in a larger series. That's great. I didn't have to read the other stories to understand this one well enough, and consequently, I'm kind of interested to go back and read those. Maybe some lingering questions I have will be answered. Or perhaps the world and its mythology will be more deeply explored.

The only other thing I would say in a less than positive light is that I'm not so sure the epilogue helps the story. It might have been better without it. For a ghostly love story, I think I'd prefer to end on the two lovers reunited. But it's not too big of a deal.

Overall, I found this to be an excellent love story AND an excellent ghost story. Two for the price of one is usually a good thing. It's pretty clear why this one has such a high rating. Definitely two bitch-slapping thumbs up. Great work.

This storygame is like a watercolor or an Impressionist painting with blurred edges, colors and emotions shading into each other. There are a lot left to the reader's imagination--questions about death and loss and lack of control, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I guess it's no secret that I am a huge fan of MHD's writing, and this didn't disappoint.

What struck me most about this story was how the choices were usually relatively quiet verbs (flicker, touch) used to drive the narrative and the emotion because, well, more active verbs don't make any sense. We are watching the narrative, and propelling it, and then watching and waiting and hoping that they can do what we want them to do. In that context, rattling the shutters, for example is the only way we can express sorrow or the desire to communicate or a warning, or whatever.

All we've got here are some choices, and we want to say "I love you" and all we can do is make a book fall or something. The gigantic gap between our verbs, what we want to say, and the result of our choice is huge, and affecting, and I wish I had thought of it first, because it is brilliant. We spend so much time trying to make the reader feel like they are in the shoes and head of the main character of a storygame that one feels adrift and frustrated and sad when you have only these choices to affect things, and that's great.

I enjoyed that so much that when the exposition (Memories/Continue) happens in the middle, it felt like learning this information over someone's shoulder. And the verbs after that--at least on the paths I've played--start to become more powerful--opening, and unlocking, and speaking, and showing, and slapping... The game would have been spectacular without that movement, without that progression, but with it, the game feels like it has so much emotional momentum.

I think this is right up there with my very favorites on the site.

Before arriving at Bicuits and Ghosts' front page, I wasn't aware that I was a clever ghost. Seems I am though. I always knew it to be true. Anyway, the way BG is tied to the other stories, immediately piques my interest level. Edithe Zilonis was one of the best stories I've read on this site, so I entered BG with high hopes. And you know what? I left with them just as high.

In terms of proper grammar, there are certainly more than a few "mistakes." I hesitate to call them such as MHD's style tends to break the rules a bit. It's not because she lacks the understanding, though. Each story within the Blackwood Chronicles is written in the same way. Fragmented sentences, commas where they shouldn't be, untraditional paragraph breaks: it creates a unique setting for the reader, one in which I find myself drawn into (get it?). In fact, the entire read feels less like a novel, and more like an experienced story, like I'm sitting around a fireplace and being told a story.

As far as criticism goes, there's not much to offer in my opinion. Perhaps the main one mentioned will be the story's linear nature. It's similar in that regard to the other stories in the Chronicles, however, I don't think it takes away from the story at all. True, most people on the site would rather see several branches, complete with a 12 epilogue arsenal. MHD's writing is about perspective, which is fitting for her artistic nature. It's about viewing a story from different views, admiring the beauty of it from different angles. My rating wasn't affected negatively by the "lack of branching."

Most often, you're presented with two choices, none of which are END GAME links, to continue the story. MHD isn't out here to play "gotcha!" with a sudden death link. I can appreciate this as the reader as there's a sense of trust created, knowing full-well that a nonsensical death link isn't in my future. Often that's the case or mistake made by the author; they sense the story's linear and throw a few "sudden deaths" in the mix, which tend to be stupid, no-brainer choices to make. Instead, I'm corralled into a wonderful story with the option to experience it differently depending on the choices presented.

It's, in fact, quite as the title page suggests: a stunning conclusion to the Blackwood Chronicles. The story flows nicely, the characters are presented almost play-like, and it's a unique experience for a storygame. From one clever ghost to another, I *implore* you to give Biscuits and Ghosts a read.

loved it

Incredible story!! So the premise of the story being in letter form is unorthodox but appealing, and the dynamic of Death and Life as they help you navigate the story of how your love died had me smiling despite the dark undertones of the story.

I noticed and enjoyed the sharp contrast between the beginning, where the protagonist is depressed and unable to accept the death of their love, and the ending, where the protagonist, after meeting their departed sweetheart, is more accepting of what happened, even wishing her well in the afterlife.

I loved it

!!! Wow. Nice.

Like the other one I've read by MHD, the grammar is intentionally quirky in a good way (such as Oberon's dialog having no quotes). The story is interesting despite being very linear, though it's not really a problem. I liked it!

It's pretty good.

It is a really good story with very hooking plot. It kept me wondering what was going to happen next the whole time. There was a few parts where I was not sure who’s point of view it was in so it was a little confusing but others then that I really enjoyed reading it and think everyone should read it.

I really enjoyed this story even though I am not "a clever ghost". The writing was fun and descriptive, and even without the other Blackwood stories, I was able to get into the characters.

cute

OH MY GOD! WRITE MORE PLEASE! I NEED MORE!

I loved this story so much! It was so thrilling and interesting! I replayed it at least 5 times to use the other choices cause it was so fun! If this was an actual book I would definitely buy it! That is how amazing this story was!

YES! An adorable, sapphic love story that is incredibly well-written, humorous, and immersive. So sweet and absolutely made my day. It didn't seem to have many choices or paths, but was more so a pleasant short story. Still well worth a read in my opinion! :)

An awesome story! I really like the plot, the characters and the amazing description you have in the story :D

Some might complain about some grammar issues and the like. In my opinion none of that matters since this story really nails something that seems to get forgotten all to often. The story was actually enjoyable. Much to often people focus on the science of writing, but not the art. This story is a great example of " yet I still had a blast." Amazing story, that i highly recommend. Spectacular job by MHD. Nothing but respect for this.

I discovered this site very recently and this is the very first story I've read. Despite the intro, I didn't figure out I was a ghost until I was three or four pages in, but that "surprise" was actually quite delightful! Good story with good character development. The choices were fun to make and see I could make happen. This choose your own adventure story form seems particularly well suited to poltergeist stories like this. I will probably read through it again to explore the different characters more. Thanks for sharing it with us!

Ah. Like dark chocolate. Like rasberry tarts. Like having tea and biscuits with a phantom whom you share the unique understanding that tea is best served sugarless, creamless and hot enough to melt you teeth. It's pleasent, if a bit dark. Because it's written by you.
The prologue is dramatic. The figure speaking seems to siiiigh and stretch himself out upon every surface, waxing on about long-gone things in slightly lusty way. We move onto Chapter 1 and I'm somehow reminded of the opening of Pathologic-- The writing comes off a bit strange, almost like the characters are reading from a screenplay. I admit it was difficult for my brain to process at times, but that's to blame for the immense cerebral trauma I sustained from storming Viet cong villages, so disregard that. It must be because the lyrical quality. Everything seems to float.
It is linear, but I've never been one to harp on that because if the writing is decent than who am I to care? I feel silly now. I've been singing your praises with little valuble critisicm at all. Maybe I'm your fan. God forbid I enjoy your work...
It's delightful and fun to read. It's darkly sweet. You don't need my praise, but keep going with all your wonderfulness.

The writing in this story, like many of your others, is truly exceptional. Very character and dialogue-based it reminded me of a Shakespeare play with a small cast and your ability to create a very vivid story with words is considerable. I'd definitely recommend this excellent story from this genuinely gifted writer :D