Player Comments on Brimstone
I really enjoyed this story; style-wise, at first, I was leery, because the prose was leaning so hard on archaic diction that I thought the story couldn't sustain it. I was all set to comment that story was going adjective crazy, and was having trouble balancing narrative and description.
But you know, as I read on, and played through several paths, I started to get into it. I think the story manages the difficult task of going for odd syntax and a few moments of seriously robust parataxis. Dante knew you could just throw your reader into these moments of horror and illuminate bits of it to create a larger terror, and this story does that too. This is good stuff.
I thought this story was at its best when it offered choices about emotion and the *way* you respond. That's what I want to see, especially in a story where you pretty much are not going to wholly get in your gut the whole of the narrative first time through, or even the third. Listen--the first time I read it, I was annoyed that that was the end, because I didn't know what what going on, and things felt shadowy and vague. Well, good. This is a story about shadows and vagueness, and the shape of the narrative bears it out. I mentioned Dante, but these are totally Odyssey-style shades, by the way, in the way that they speak.
on 3/7/2021 3:58:58 PM with a score of 0
Very minor plot spoilers throughout:
This story reads like a classic, as if F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote it. The writing and style is unique, and while old-fashioned, it's really damn good (almost zero grammatical or spelling errors as a cherry on top). The descriptions are vivid and fittingly disgusting, while the characters are all distinct in their personality. This style complements the theme of Greek mythology very well, and is also a change of pace from most stories on the site. Despite being inspired by Greek myth and presumably Dante's Inferno, there's some originality here that makes this story feel different to other renditions of Hell. Perhaps it's the mystery behind your lack of memories, perhaps it's the more revolting and nuanced tone (I got the feeling that some of the shades didn't deserve their fate, while others did).
The story itself is intriguing as hell, and I was frankly stunned at the sudden ending, because the story hooked me in and it felt like I was only getting into it. Presumably, since this is a contest story and the difficulty is a one, I didn't lose and it's simply unfinished. This is a plot worthy of an epic, and I really hope that it gets finished!
The only issues I had are with word choice. It's an odd change when the narrator goes from, "It reeked of excrement" to "It smelled like piss, sweat, and shit". In one of the layers of Hell, people are fucking, and once again, this wording feels off. It feels kind of vulgar. The characters could be saying this, but the narrator shouldn't be, because the tone of the writing is different from that of the characters. I know that this is probably an odd thing to notice and care about, but I feel that it's incongruous with the rest of the writing.
on 2/16/2021 11:55:25 PM with a score of 0
One thing that I have to applaud Brimstone for, is certainly how atmospheric that the story is. The writing, the poise, dialogue, and even the way the choices are laid out to be chosen, it all fits together to create something that I feel is a wholly unique experience.
Another thing, this isn't a story that you can skim through, or a miss a line or two, or here and there. The writing demands your attention, and that you take careful consideration of the choices that you are given. The choices themselves to me never felt like one was similar to the other, but another choice that could change how the story progressed in some manner or another.
I can say in all honesty, that this story is one that is told well. Things feel mysterious, but never to a point in which it becomes frustrating. It certainly left me more enamored with the story beneath the text, and being unraveled.
Kudos to you, enterpride.
on 2/6/2021 9:20:21 PM with a score of 0
Glad I returned to fully read this story. The sentence construction was refreshingly different to most stories, and evocative throughout.
A few spoilers below:
The way souls are passively compelled to speak as they feel was a neat quirk. On a sidenote, there's little way to intuit the best choice of which way to go among the three paths (pillar, stairs, waterway). Hopefully the game will also be expanded to reach a conclusion with the main plot, but it's pretty good as-is. It can only be considered success that I want to read more.
on 2/14/2021 10:39:16 PM with a score of 0
I do hope the full version of this gets published. For what's here, I enjoyed the overall setting, cryptic storygame window, and mannerism of the characters. There was almost a brutalized politeness that was displayed with how both friend and foe greeted and interacted with one another. Last thing, Enter has a flair for the complex sentence, something that is dreadfully missed in the majority of games I've read recently. Instead of "you go here, you do this," Brimstone is full of detail and description, fitting for the setting and flow of the story as it's heavily needed for first person past tense.
on 2/1/2021 6:08:16 PM with a score of 0