Find a Date Before it's too Late

The premise of this game sounds good. There is certainly a great deal of potential based on the description. In fact, you could likely write a novel-length choose your own story with that idea. Sadly, I can see before I read this that the story has only a length of 3/8, so I’m not expecting a great deal from this one…

Ouch. The very first page has a misspelling on it. But then it gets worse because the first page appears to ask a question of me, the reader, but then doesn’t give me a choice, I have to click on the single option I’m presented with. Now I do think there’s times when you can end a page with a single choice. There are some instances when that makes perfect sense. But in this case, with one and a half lines via two sentences and a sentence fragment, that’s not the place to give me one option to move on. Instead, why not just include whatever is on the next page on this page until you reach the point where the reader actually has something to choose from?

I do like that the next page actually has a couple options and those options do appear to have an effect on the story – that’s what a CYOA is all about! Interesting enough, though, the very next page in both cases give me exactly one more selection again. Throughout the story, most page are just one line and sometimes there’s a choice, but more often there’s not. This would be much stronger if all those pages without choices were combined to the point where choices were available on every page.

I do like that some of the options clearly do have an effect on the story. There’s more than one path and different results, and that’s nice to see, especially in such a short story. Thank you for sharing this with the site!

There are three things I think you can improve on for this story.
1. The descriptions. Every page could use a bit more descriptive to get readers to stick around.
2. The choices. Most of the time there are no choices. Some of the choices are just so obvious. For example: Do you read the sticky note or do you ignore the sticky note? Well of course you read the sticky note! The other choices don't matter as they lead to the same page.
3. I suggest you don't use advanced editor. You didn't need it at all.
Overall, I rate this a 3/8

I'm rating it what I thought of it. It was okay - although it wasn't very descriptive and you didn't really get that much of a feel for the characters - it seemed a bit shallow, however you've put effort into it. I like that, so I've rated it up a bit too. You made it a bit longer than usual, but I think it's a bit easy (even though I'm a guy), and a bit of a coincidence that the character likes Johnny and what suddenly happens near the end.

Good work, though. Keep going on these storygames, I can see heaps of potential.

Please check grammar.

Meh it could be better

It was fun, but short, and not very dramatic. Cute though.

Shitty and annoying......no one is this clumsy

What did I just read?

that was really fun and short I loved it

This made me president of South Africa