Forgotten Rose

It seems we skipped some important details here xD This game was written well, but there wasn't much depth to the actual story to say the least. I would've liked to see the relationship actually progress before seeing words like marriage and such :l

This story was decent for what it was, I suppose. Things just ended rather abrubtly, and more details about the love interest would've been much appreciated. The writing wasn't bad by any means, it just feels like quite a bit more could have been added to make this feel like more of a complete story.

Hmm... Where should I begin with this?

I don't normally play this storygames, but the name "Forgotten Rose" intrigued me enough, so I decided to head over and see what this is.

First of all, you can immediately tell the future of the storygame with your writing. With choices like "Do you go for coffee, or leave" or "Do you wait for them, or leave" You know exactly which one leads to true love, and which one doesn't. Also, the story was very short and therfore abrupt. One minute I'm having friendly coffee with someone, and then the next, I'm engaged, married, and living a good/better life.

The writing was okay-ish, with no grammar mistakes as far as I could see. However still, (and this is a common problem) there isn't much descriptivity. And I mean at all. The writing is bland enough, you don't describe anything. The reader doesn't know what the character is thinking, how the girl looks like, whether she has blue eyes or not, what the character thinks about traffic, what the assaliant looks like, whether the assaliant is a one-eyed lizard with pork chops for teeth...etc. I feel as though you could've added onto your writing and and made it more vivid, as to paint an image in the reader's mind. Try using descriptive tongue next time.

This last point is kind of short, but still important, and its the use of cliche things in this story. For example, let's look at your title, "Forgotten Rose". As far as I know, this story never mentions a character named "Rose"... or any characters at all. How is Rose forgetful? What does that even mean? It has no correlation to this story whatsoever, really. It just seems like a cliche, steamy romance-y Valentine's title.

So, with a short story, a title that is cliche and makes no sense, bland writing, I give this a 4/8. Keep trying, and please use descriptive writing.

Well the idea behind the game was good, but I think that if you're making a game about a character falling in love then the first part of the game should be about meeting them (unless they know them already), then the rest of the game should be about getting to know them and deciding if you like them or not. In this game all the character did was meet the man and then it skips right to the end where you fall in love and get married, which is kind of the important bit :p

WTF!

So by your reasoning a good love story entails suffering through the subway, meeting a guy who has trouble using a... what was it an ATM I think? Then you go for coffee and several months later you are engaged? Where is the date? the actual decision making? I am no love story enthusiast, I do not get the lovey dovey stuff at all, but even I could do better than that.

I would have liked to see more development or at least go through the "date" but overall, I can see the effort was put into it so good job!

Too easy.

It was a very well written story.

The title was very nice? But it feels wasted on this story which was over in two minutes with nothing much happening. I'm not sure why I got an ending about "hate intervening" when all I did was help someone with a ticket machine, agree to have coffee with them, then the story told me I married them and lived happily ever after.

I'm not trying to be rude but this was all very underwhelming and it didn't seem like much effort went into it.

The images are all broken by the way.

It was a sweet and short story but I really wish it had been longer but a really nice job on making it, it was really cute in a way! :)

I did a different rout this time. It was good. It most definitly would of ended shorter if I had chosen something else. I think there could of been some more detail but, over all, I think it was good.