Player Comments on Goomba Village

This was even worse than the last one I reviewed. I have no words, other than the mods must be keeping this up so that members can get a free point. Thanks, mods!

It was OK, I guess.

yeah no

This story is god awful. It seems like it was made in 5 minutes! It's also absolute bullshit. The story is nonexistent, the grammar is terrible, and spelling is bad.
1/8 Disappointment.

I felt a deep spiritual connection to this story. I relate to the way that the Goomba struggles to fit in to the adult world, burdened by mundane things such as work and other aspects of adult life. 8/8

This game was terrible. Thanks for the free point!

This is so bad I'm honestly half convinced the author is just trolling us all. I would have been totally on board for a story of a goomba in a goomba village too, the premise sounds just goofy enough to be good in a weird way. But this is basically just a pile of typos and bad grammar radiating laziness for ten miles in every direction. I'm not even sure why it's listed as fanfic, the 'story' has absolutely nothing to do with the title and description.

Not interesting at all. =\

I gave it a 1/8
My rating was a combination of the lack of plot, the shortness (a result of it's almost lack of story), and the horrible, grammar and sentence structure. The latter made my eyes melt, and simultaneously caused my brain to rot. Although I feel bad for putting it that way, it is in fact the truth. This story should either be redone (enough to bring up to a 2/8 at least), or completely scrapped.

I feel cheated :(

Made no sense whatsoever.

Way to short, didn't really make sense and needs to be much more creative. 1/8

Way too short, and you space your periods from the sentences they follow. You have to try harder. Be more creative and make your story longer.

That was probably the most random, but crappy, piece of literature I've read all day. No offence to the author(s) at all. I am directing that statement at the story itself, for reasons below.

I am significantly dissapointed at what this turned out to be. The fact is, (like a lot of people) I don't even consider this to be a storygame. A storygame is supposed to have a plot/setting, choices which then stem out more choices, which lead to conseqences and a couple of successes. This, had almost nothing. Its a dry husk of what criteria a game should follow, and it had less than the bare-minimum of an acceptable storygame. Does it give you the plot/setting? Not at all. I get that you are trying to find a job, but what the heck, I don't even know if I am a goomba or not, since it never tells you in the story itself save for the description/title. The choices don't even matter, and although they do shape the plot some, they don't stem much of anything like they should.

For example, my first path was the business wo/man. It asks you how long you want to go to business school, and after I give my answer, it says (not actual quote) "WOOHOO You are a business wo/man!" And then it ends. Seriously? Just how is this an adequate, or even justifiable ending? The fact is, that's the general premise of almost every path avaliable in this storygame.

Don't even get me started on the writing, which I felt to be terrible. When you can't even tell if you are a Goomba or not (since it never told you anyways), you can see the flat, almost non-existent context and detail which it should have! There is literally no detail here. You want to be a business person? Great... you are one... yay... the end...

The author could have fleshed out the plot, which includes character development, far better. In a game where you find a job for yourself, at least write it so the readers feel something, anything for the protaganist. But because of the almost no detail, you don't feel anything for the protaganist character. Adding more detail would help flesh out the characters (or in this case, character) better, so that the reader would actually feel themselves happy if he/she got a job. An example I can think off my head of this would be Dead Man Walking by BerkaZerka. I generally felt concern for the protaganist, and I was eccentric once I got a great ending. Why? Because the character development was rocketed. Which is something we should see here, but I just feel no emotion if I get a job. At all. Which isn't a good thing when you are creating a game like this.

Going along with the writing, the grammar was pretty atrocious. The spelling was okay-ish, but just simple, basic punctuation reeked. And this bad puncuation went along the entire thing. In fact, I am even questioning whether or not the author of this piece is fluent in English, or lives in a place where they teach you to put your periods (these things: ".") directly one space away from the ending word, so you get something like this (example): "Become a business woman/man .".

So now I'm not even sure what the title/description is supposed to mean about this story. Yes, the description does tell you are a Goomba in a village, but other than that, you have no pointers in the story leading you to the explanation of the title's namesake. It doesn't mention you being a Goomba in anyway shape or form, and it certainly doesn't tell you that you live in a village.

Dear Author, you can't put these important details in the description, but not put them in the story at all. An equivalent of this behavior would be, as an example, Suzanne Collins telling the reader Katniss's (or however you spell her name) name at the back of the book... but omitting it from the rest of the story. Save for the description on the back, the reader wouldn't even know Katniss's gender. Hey, "he" could love Peeta for all anyone knows.

I suppose this was supposed to be some sort of Mario bros. fanfiction. However, the story itself has no lead to anything Nintendo/Mario bros. related at all. If it weren't for the title/description, I would have thought that I was an actual Human. But of course I could also be a Turtle/Unicorn/Octupus hybrid with a green mustache living in Mars, because of the detail quality.

Because of the overall texture of this story, I am guessing its by an author who is young or inexperienced. I suggest that this particular person improve their writing, grammar, and language skills, which includes punctuation, detail, context, plot, basic understanding of words, etcetera. If the author improves themselves, and improves this story with far better-nes, it would rank higher, at least.

1/8. I'm sorry, I just can't give any reason for myself to show any sympathy or mercy for something like this. Hopefully the author would improve it.

Well, that was... random. I hate to say it, but this game is kinda terrible. The plot is almost completely nonexistent and the consequences of the choices are totally random. If you want to improve your game, I'd suggest that you elaborate some more on the plot and give the reader some more information about whatever is going on in your story.

I'm also still trying to figure out in what way your game is a) a fanfiction b) about a village and c) about goomba's. I'd advise you to either change the title and description of your game to 'jobless (wo)man is looking for a job' or in some way connect this to the Mario franchise (which I guess this game is supposed to be a fanfic of).

I have given your game a 2/8, because your game has choices that (even though they are completely random) do matter for the outcome of the game. However, in my opinion this game only barely deserves higher than a 1/8. I hope that you take the advice given to you in the comments and that you'll look to other, higher rated games, for examples of decent writing. I am sure that you'll be able to write a better story.

Good luck writing!

"Okay you are a professor now, thanks" - This was a quote to one of the endings. Is this a joke? This wasn't even a story, there was no characterization, there was no plot, and the lack of descriptions really, really, killed it.

I know its its kinda boring but this is just my first one , i'm working on a better one .

Booooooring.

I used to love Mario and Mario fanfics a year ago, but then I realized that Mario was a pyscho (Thanks, Game Theory!), so I pretty much stopped. I always like to scroll down to the new storygames to crush people's dreams with my rants, but... I'll spare this one.

So, the first thing that was different was it had goomba in the name, so I thought you would be a goomba in it. Apparently I was right, but this is no Mario game. This is basically a game where you just pick a job and pick the right choice and you win. Nothin' to it.

I don't know why you would incorporate goomba in the name if you don't even need to pretend you're a goomba! You could call this game "Get a Job" and it would be no different, but, I digress. So, the grammar was... pretty damn bad. I can't even describe it!

Like I said earlier, the plot is bad: You find a job and stay in it, or get fired. Or, you don't get any job. Either way, this is a bad fanfic (If I can call it that because it doesn't need Goomba in the title) and game.

Goomba Village (At least it doesn't have a mistake in the title, that's gives it a 2 now) gets a 2/8.

I, uh, no.

While It's very nice that there's so many choices, it'd be so much better if it didn't have, y'know... 3 pages per playthrough.