Player Comments on Lonely boy

Black Keys fan maybe? Nah, it's probably a bit of a long shot.

"... but now that all of you're friends have found new people to hang out with your stuck alone..." I'm still looking for a storygame without any mistakes and, seeing as this was in the first paragraph, you don't quite make it.

In fact, there were quite a few mistakes like this, like the lack of paragraphing between different peoples' dialogue and incorrect syntax after dialogue (e.g: capital letters on words continuing the sentence after speech is finished). Still, they're very easily fixed if you want to polish this up.

Overall, I don't really know how to sum this up. This whole story was mediocre, but I did find pockets of interest. Some of the writing is just a bit wooden, though I feel that L&D is probably a difficult genre to pull off well so it's a good attempt.

I'm not gonna lie; I don't know much about this genre, but IMO a big problem is that you have like 3 love options (I think? There may have been more I didn't encounter). That means three times the work is needed to build up any form of connection to each love interest. If you really want, you could write more like 40000 words. However, what I'd suggest is bumping off your least two favourite girls (don't worry, it's not murder if they're fictional; I checked) and focusing on the building up the one you like best. That way, the reader can become more invested and actually feel more. At the end of the day, you want the reader to become attached to the MC and the interest.

I do have to give credit that this has above average effort put into it. I've read much worse quality stories with a sixth of the impressive 18000 word count.

Still, not bad!

My first ending was the 'It Takes Two' ending.
4/8

Not too shabby, I have to say. It had quite a few missed punctuations, and it took me a couple of tries to make sense of it. But anyway, not bad.
By the way the ending I got was: "Sexy beast ending"

Not bad but just...meh. It was a very good first try I think, and it certainly is better than a lot of the stuff posted on this site, but it was nothing remarkable. It was also littered with grammatical errors which was a bit of a nuisance at times. Overall I think the characters were developed ok for the amount of time allotted (I'm not sure if it was just my path but I don't think this should be 6/8 length) and the concept isn't too bad either.

P.S. I received the 'Friends Club' epilogue

Nice 11/10

I enjoyed it

it was gud^^

i wasn't bad, nor was it that good, but i did enjoy it !!

this story was amazing, i got two different endings, the one with them in an alley where he saved her and the one where they end up in the friends club

A little short

Good

Always having been kind of a loner myself I really liked this story.

I always kept more to myself trying to stay in my comfort zone. I never had many friends and this story I think is really good because it teaches a lesson I learned only after I turned 19. "Sometimes in life you have to take a deep breath and come out of your shell"

Truly a story to tell children to teach them that lesson. (except maybe the path with the adult scenes)

Interesting story I like the choices I made and the ending I got.

I loved it, just maybe make it a little bit longer.

This was all-around not a bad read.
The narration is very introspective, for lack of a better word. If you are unwilling to read a story with a lot of focus on some kid's emotions, this story might not be for you.
The main character, Web, is a pathetic, miserable shit, but somehow I cannot really resent him for it. It works well with the story. I liked the themes of the story too. Sure, kids are assholes, but if you really want to change things, you have to take initiative for yourself.
The other characters are interesting enough as well.
The story is pretty melodramatic at times, but what can you expect from an emo middle schooler? One thing I was confused about were the character ages. Maybe I have a sewed perspective on the matter, but the characters seem to be on the old side for middle school.
There were a lot of run-on sentences, which did make things flow a little weirdly.
The first ending I got was the It Takes Two Ending, which probably had my favorite epilogue, despite being among the more melodramatic paths.
The story isn't too long. If you're one of those weirdos who actually read reviews before stories, go take the time to check it out.

Pretty good story game. I got the it takes two ending.

it was ok, a bit short and kind of boring though

The path that I took was a very short one. While the writing wasn't bad, I feel as though it didn't accurately depict the setting of a school and its hierarchy of social positions. The emotional appeal was well and good, but overshadowed by the cheesy messages sprinkled throughout. While I would be interested in playing some of the other paths, I did not find this story as riveting as I had hoped it would be.

This is me... all of it. I literally shed a tear at the not accepting being lonely path... if only I had been strong with my old friends and had the courage to just ask if I can sit with them instead of being alone in the library or office and even the bathroom. All of it, me...

...Oh wow do people really get into jail for something as small as a school fight?

Butterfly Effect Ending, Love this one, to bad it was so sort

I got an acceptance ending..

I quite enjoyed the story! :D I got the It Takes Two ending or something? (The one where he finds her in the alley?)

I think the rating is a 4 because of the technical errors. If you had reread and proofread or even had a beta, the quality of the storygame would've been much better. You probably lost a point or even two because of the constant errors.

I think you could've gotten deeper into characterization. What were the characters' lives like outside of school? Parents? Hobbies? I couldn't connect with the characters too well. Another factor of that is the confusion I got with the... stuff? >~< What age were they? School? I was really lost about it. Ages and actions done at those ages, especially.

I honestly think some of the branches could be longer so I could still have a good understanding of the protagonist when I get to the ending page(s). :3

Overall, really, I think the story is engrossing (Must. Find. All. Endings.) and the situations interesting. The choices offered many possibilities (though some of the endings didn't seem to match the choices made?). Great job on the storygame. Sweet and simple. Just proofread/edit the thing, and it'll be splendid. :)

I thought it was good, but there some grammar mistakes and some story paths didn't flow as well as others

I got the 'Sexy Beast' ending lol, that's nothing like what I am in real life, but hey, the story was fun to read. Being a student myself I found the thought of essentially being another student (for a time, anyway) intriguing, I personally enjoyed this game. I think it deserves more positive ratings. There are lots of grammatical errors within the game but a proof-reader could fix that. A good game, definitely worth the time spent reading it.

I got the "Loveless love" Ending.

The game itself is interesting enough to keep you hooked but feels unrealistic for something happening in MIDDLE SCHOOL! Just saying...

Wow. That's me in real life. Mayhap u have shown me the error of my ways. Haha. Fixing the grammar issues would make me rate ur story higher. Fun.

This game was pretty enjoyable. I got the Change ending, parts of it felt slightly generic but it still held my attention. I didn't really care about the love interest, but it was a little on the short side. Nice job.

What if I'm gay as hell and want a nice boi? Short little game, but it was alright.

Meh.

I played through this wonderful story multiple times to get every ending possible. I really liked your writing style and the story really pulled me in, I'd very much like to see you continue in publishing story games for this site.

I am a real critic, but I'm terrible at making my own stories. I see good potential here, but this was very depressing, and makes me think of my middle school days. I wasn't this bad, but I wasn't very popular.
Honestly, I give 2/8

Eh... too short.

It was fun to try to find all of the endings

Great story pretty much sums up my life :P

It wasn't bad, but I felt every choice I made with Rebecca was either right or wrong, no in between. However, not bad storyline.

It's a moderate story; I got butterfly first. and what does he mean by 'manly' ending, I think I got all the paths and none of them were labeled 'manly'

It was a good storygame. Linear plot, okay dialogue and thoughts. Just a few grammatical errors here and there. I recommend you get someone to proofread it. :)

Got the 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S Club' epilogue. A good one for a first try. Keep it up.

I got the Manly Ending :)