Player Comments on maranda

Eh, I'm not seeing anything that warrants calling you a "disgusting pervert". I don't know; maybe I missed a path. There are a few problems, though. "Your" is possessive; "you're" is a contraction. "Football" is one word. In dialogue, you need a comma between the tag line and the dialogue.

You need help.

Pointed in one way. Bad grammer. Otherwise pretty good

I like the way getting shot in the arm made nurses think I was brain damaged but possibly they read this story and assumed I wrote it. If there’s one thing worse than reading someone else’s fantasy it’s reading it without punctuation. Rather than writing any love stories I’d strongly recommend vocally expressing your admiration of Maranda to her rather than us. On the plus side this is cute in a sort of Forrest Gump meets Dumb and Dumber way.

Yeah, fuck this story. Weird ass pervert...

I can't even begin... what is wrong with you?

Wow, friend. You need to get yourself a lady. This seems like either a troll story or a call for help.

Should I be irritated or concerned? =D

It's bad. The spelling makes it difficult to enjoy the story. If you can't spell use a spell checker! Also learn how to use capital letters and other basics of the English language.

The plot isn't great - it lacks credibility. Gameplay is non existant as game is linear and if you pick an option the author couldn't be bothered to expand upon it just asks you to pick the other instead.

I didn't know girls would kiss me after shooting someone, how did I find them? I followed the magical sand that was located in school and kept footprints from days before.

The plot was bad and the grammar wasn't any better.

The writing is sub-par, the premise is a bit creepy, the lack of effort is evident, and it was all around uninteresting to me.

This is so bad, I think reading it ruptured my pancreas.

This is so bad, after reading it, I know longer know what the words 'romance', 'choice' or 'capitalization' mean.

This is so bad, I used it for toilet paper, despite the fact that it was displayed on my computer screen.

This is so bad, I had to use four terrible jokes to describe how bad it is.

Do not play this game. Ever.

wow. thats a fail.

You know, if your grammar isn't that good... you can always ask someone to help you with it. That or you're lazy.

Awhh, cute! Capital letters would be nice though... Also what'd the point of giving two options when, if you pick the wrong option, it just makes you pick the right option anyway?

That was funny!!! LOL!!!!

Seth says NO!! Didn't like it. 2/8

Very bad storyline and language. What happened to punctuation?

"Rend you in two and carve you with nails, ignore it til immunity comes, count to ten and kill you anyway. . . "

One ending. Most "choices" ended up to a different choice. You can't lose. I'm assuming this is your girlfriend that you want to talk about. I could make a better story in 5 minutes. If you are older than five (which I assume is true because of your "word choice") then you really need to work on your writing. If I could have given this game 0/8 I would have.

I've seen Lifetime movies with better plot. Also, there's linearity and there's violate reader with a candyfloss maker linearity. I chose 'go to school', I'm told, "fuck you, you're faking ill", and on the next page I get sent to school anyways. Same with the kidnap and the finale. If you wanted to tell the internet about your fantasy girl, go to Livejournal.

It's entirely linear and was poorly written but it made me chuckle a few times. I would've written the same thing when I was your age (I'm assuming you're nine or ten years old, if you're older than you should really work on your stuff), it was almost nostalgic haha.

Congratulations on getting a storygame done anyway :)

I rarely give a one but I feel this deserves it. The spelling was just awful and you need to review the basics on spelling. Also, you need to make more than one paragraph, not just one long one every page. Finally, the character, me, was really boring. The only thing about him was that he loved some girl and, to be quite honest, I don't get why he liked her. She really didn't talk much and we really don't know anything about her so I don't see why I should like her.

1/8

I cannot say how much I dislike this game. Not only does it have extremely poor grammar, it also forces you to do things you didn't want to do and always gives a bullcrap reason for it.

1/8

My GOSH. Some of these "choices" arn't really choices; they force you to choose the other option...and that I REALLY hate. There is almost no grammar, and the story is cliched as heck. I notice a lot of these new stories are like this. A tip for all you new members (I am one, and simply by watching other members I can tell what to do): DON'T MAKE A STORY ONE THE FIRST DAY. DON'T MAKE A STORY IN ONE DAY.

there's only one ending and bad bad grammer

Self explanitory