Player Comments on Nami & Lili's Firefly Adventure

This story is about two girls who find a mysterious light that they suspect to be an alien.

This was actually surprisingly high-quality for a school project. The choices actually mattered, there were quite a lot of different endings and branches, and the grammar was mostly consistent. Besides, there was a good amount of effort in trying to show the different personalities of Nami and Lili. One seemed to be more careful than the other, not wanting to get into trouble.

To make the story even better, this story would need to feel more completed, such as making endings for the second option instead of ending it right after the first choice. You could for example give an option for the protagonist to find a path back home or try to find the other girl. For the ending where the aliens were taken away to be studied in a lab, it could be lengthened by maybe having the girls to try rescue the aliens.

This was a very good first try. It is a 4/8 for me.

I personally love the fact that you had kids publish this story as part of a group assignment. A good effort!

It was a very good story and the characters had a realistic feel to them, unlike most stories where the characters say things that they wouldn't say in real life. This story is definitely very cute and very engaging in nature. I'm looking forward to more works. :D The only flaw was that the ending felt a bit rushed, and since the ending is usually the fuel for the fire, I was a bit unsatisfied. Other than that, It was very good. :)

SPOILERS: Don't go into the forest on the first choice. The story abruptly ends with you losing your fireflies and getting lost after randomly tripping. /SPOILERS

I guess for a group of kids it's okay. The alien thing was amusing. The ginormous head and eyes of the image arrested my gaze.

There is the expected randomness of having a classroom full of authors. I didn't notice any glaring grammatical errors, which is doubly impressive since so many adults on this forum write like English is their fifth language.

You won't find a sprawling epic here, but you may find a chuckle or too. It's definitely wholesome enough for the kids, and the images have an interesting style. Quick and light, and an interesting look into how the collective hive mind of children work. Interestingly, it kind of read like something written by an artificial intelligence. The Child Hive Mind at work. You may want to read it to prepare yourself just in case they take over the world.

What a fantastic story!!!

Very good teacher

I was bracing myself for the worst, but these must be some smart 6th graders, and such a cute story.

It's a pretty cute story, short and written well with few errors. Good job guys.

I’ll give this a 4 because it was impressive for being written by 6th graders, but it wasn’t really that good. If you click on the link (on page 1) that the game basically wants you to click on, you lose. “Page 2” is not a page title. I would have preferred this if it was a bit longer, too.

Hey, this was a pretty good storygame considering the authors are in the sixth grade. The only suggestion I'll really offer is that I would recommend having a stronger resolution for your endings. One example is the ending where the character is in the dark in the forest gets lost. It ends with "She is lost." or some very brief line like that. It's kind of like taking a deep breath and then forgetting to exhale. What is the result? Adding something along the lines of being afraid that she will never be found would make it seem less transactional.

Overall, I think your group did a good job.

This is pretty good for a group of sixth graders. The people in Classes 2 and 3 are going to be *so* jealous. I suspect you all have made some powerful rivals today.

Awesome story we made! I love it! Except that we might have chosen a, perhaps, more interesting topic, that most of people in Class 1 and 4 will come read. But still, for a first experience and project, I Love it.