Player Comments on Prophecy

“Prophecy” by Steve, is a wonderfully insane grimdark fantasy CYOA that’s truly epic in every sense of the word. But unlike Eternal, it’s not exactly a story about an all-powerful conqueror, or even your traditional main character. I feel like the best way to describe this story would be if you took Guardians of the Galaxy(the first one, back when they were all still assholes to one another), added a dash of DnD, then Steve-ified it by adding 100x the normal amount of non-consensual rape and cursing, and finally added a strange, meta, 4-th wall breaking plot that’s genuinely incredibly creative and fun to read, you would get this story.

In this story, you play as a filthy rapist ratling. I’m not even joking, I’m completely serious. You play as Ritz, a questionably named ratling upstart fond of raping and pillaging, but with somewhat of a soft spot/good character buried within(although the story could have admittedly done a much better job fleshing out this character, as for now, he’s more of a vehicle for the adventures than a fully fleshed out 3-dimensional character in the narrative sense). And what’s even more mind boggling is that in this adventure, the hero’s band is composed of the chosen one, his paladin-mentor-servant, a ratling squire, a bug, a centaur, a nature spirit, and an ogre. This is genuinely one of the most odd and eclectic band of adventurers I’ve seen on this site, and I really appreciate the diverse band of adventurers. I’m glad that Steve took the typical antagonists/side characters of an adventure like this, and made them the stars of the show. It’s quite a creative choice to tell a DnD story from the perspective of species who are usually pushed off to the side, and simply act as hero-fodder. There’s also a pretty inspiring hero arc, and our character goes through a lot of character development. I do think that some of his character development could be more explicit. There is definitely a sense that we don’t get to see much about how he thinks/perceives the world, and how his thought process sort of changes as he journeys with Redmond, Flynn, and co. I would have liked to see more direct/indirect characterization and his internal thoughts about his justifications/motivations/view towards humanity and the rest of world along with how it gradually changes over time, but to be fair, this is more of a player-character DnD type adventure, so I understand that the major focus is on the events rather than a more novel-type story, and that the fun is from engaging with and experiencing the story through a self-insert of the character. So I won’t really hold it against the story. Plot is king here, and it’s good enough to where I’m not going to take off marks for this.

The story has many grammatical errors that make it hard to read it at times. Furthermore, there are some pretty noticeable scripting errors, like when you’re captured in the Centaur camp, if you choose to kill the guard, the game effectively breaks. You have 2 choices after that, grab your spear or do nothing. Normally, do nothing is supposed to advance the game, but because of the bug in the game, it just reroutes back to the page you were on. So you have no choice but to spare the guard. I think there were also some shifts in POV where it goes from 2nd person POV(“you”), to referring to Ritz in 3rd person(Ritz said this, Ritz did that), in an inconsistent way. Normally, POV/perspective change is an intentional thing done by the author for a specific reason to enhance the narrative, but here it was clear that it was a mistake on Steve’s part, but it happened few enough times to be noticeable. Just wanted to point it out, though.

But they don’t really detract from the overall quality of the story, or the feel that I got from reading this tale. At least, not after I made a concentrated effort to ignore the SPAG errors and just enjoy the tale. Since, ultimately, this is a 137k epic, and there’s a lot going on here, and a lot to like, so I’m willing to let a lot of the small stuff slide. It didn’t really come up in my head, and my overall impression of this story is based on a lot more than just the technicalities of the story.

Ritz, Redmond, Dikiz, Mira, Flynn, Tilly, and Orut form a genuinely amazing crew. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much, but this story is so fucking funny. It brings to mind Guardians of the Galaxy, like you know how the team was so fractured in the beginning with all of them trying to capture each other. And then, they keep insulting and roasting one another. That feeling was there, and it was done in such a natural and organic way, that it felt like they were a lot closer and shared a much better bond than a team of adventurers who were simply nice to each other all the time. There’s something about the casual insults/brutal dialogue that showed how close they were, and when you can insult each other like that and go back and forth like that, you know you have a really tight bond. And it was obvious that they cared about each other, in times of significant distress, the team really showed up for one another. I just really loved the chemistry that Steve built here, it’s so good and Guardians of The Galaxy is one of my favorite MCU movies, so the fact that he was able to bring that feel into a grimdark story while making it unique and his own is so cool! There were several laugh out loud funny moments, and this story as a whole is so fucking hilarious. I like how it didn’t take itself overly seriously, and there were so many moments that I really loved! In terms of dark humor and irreverent lines, Steve ranks up there with Endmaster. There’s something so endearingly assholish about the way he writes characters, it feels natural and hilarious, and fits the world he built so well.

The combat scenes were really cool, but I don’t know why Steve likes the “dodge” option so much. Seriously, at some point, I just kept spamming dodge, since 99 percent of the time, it was the best choice. I mean, I get that he’s a ratling, and therefore at a severe combat-disadvantage compared to the people he fights, but still. It was cool though, and I liked the short, clipped descriptions of the combat. It fits the story well, and in this case, it was appropriate to what Steve was trying to do.

This story is a fantastic Cave-Of-Time story that branches like crazy. Seriously, many authors would have stopped at some points and reigned it in, but Steve goes all in with the branching. There are so many choices, so many pages, and so many options that this world felt so expansive. Side branches like becoming chief of the Ogre clan, or the various mid-story epilogues where you choose joy or knowledge, were fleshed out so well, to the point where it makes the world feel expansive and all-encompassing. And the story can be random and unpredictable at times, to the point where you genuinely don’t know where Steve will take you next. Like the freakin joy blister segment, that was legitimately nuts! I loved that whole sequence, Steve you got a wonderful imagination!

This is definitely a story meant for an older audience. There are some scenes that can be traumatic to younger readers, particularly with a bunch of ratlings gang raping the paladin’s daughter, interspecies bug-rat- sex, interspecies-horse-rat-sex,interspecies-ogre-rat sex(seriously dude, this story made me laugh with how many different species Ritz sleeps with throughout the course of the story) references to genitals and dick jokes, and general swearing/incredibly graphic dialogue. Take the maturity warning seriously. If you have a darker sense of humor and loved Endmaster’s stories, you will love this one, it’s fucking hilarious and I loved how insane and irreverent it was. It was hilarious for my inner edgelord.

The twist where Flynn turns evil was so cool! I think this gave rise to the best set of branching in the story, where Ritz either has a chance to join Flynn in his quest to genocide the entire world, or join the good guys and stop Flynn. What’s great was that Flynn starts off as this rude asshole who everyone was probably wondering, why is this dickhead the chosen one, and then gradually forms a close bond with Ritz and has moments of heroism and kindness throughout the story. So you see him grow from this rude, jackass, farmhand, to this genuinely heroic dude who you could like and respect, only for him to go through the biggest heel turn of this story. And the crazy part was, he was still kind and respectful when he was undertaking his genocidal project. Gone was then youthful brashness and ego that was present 100k+ words ago. So that heel turn was really well written, and it was so confusing why he turned evil, and I was so convinced he was brainwashed.

But the actual reason was so much better. And that brings me to the integration of the eldritch beings, the Tourist, the Merchant, and Mol-Chu, into this story. If this story could not be any better, Steve adds this fantastic layer of strange eldritch beings toying around and playing around with the denizens of the world. I was not expecting the tourist, or a literal manifestation of God, to mess with Ritz, take him to a place where he gets powers, and just fuck around with him throughout the narrative. And by the time we got to the end, it all clicked and made sense. Steve did a really good job designing this story, I mean, I love the idea of a bored story-teller god(possibly the manifestation of Steve in this world), fucking around with his world for the last time before leaving it for eternity. And it made so much sense why Flynn acted the way he did, I mean if I had to suffer through experiencing the eternity of multiverses/possible futures where much more evil deities that Mol-Chu took control of this universe(like the shadow demon god, or the skin-paper god, or the other creepy gods he talked about), I would probably crack and kill everyone I love so they don’t have to suffer an eternity of torture. I mean sure, there’s a chance they may not come, eldritch beings are fickle-minded strange creatures, but if Flynn was mentally broken and traumatized. I liked both endings, the one where Ritz trusts Flynn and undertakes the genocidal project, or the one where he fights him and meets the merchant again. Not gonna lie, the scene where Redmond turns evil and Ritz kills him was heartbreaking in both branches, because Redmond went from despising Ritz to giving him a reluctant chance, to finally seeing him and Flynn as his 2 sons. That was an insane journey, and Steve wrote it so freakin well! I loved the characters, the relationships, and how everything came together so well. The Merchant giving us Death, Love, Power, or nothing at all, added to a variety of very satisfying epilogue endings. But my personal canon true ending was the “Alone on the Beach” ending, since Ritz started his journey alone, so he must end it alone, but slightly more hopeful and with the memories of his friends.

I reached all of the endings. It took me a long time, but the story never lags or feels boring. On the contrary, at the end, I felt kind of sad, because this story was so freakin good! I loved the adventure we went on, and I really loved how unique and strange it was. When Steve tells a story, he doesn’t do it in the normal way, and this story is delightfully weird in the best way. I’ve seen “collect a bunch of items for a prophecy” type stories time and time again. It’s a tale as old as time, but Steve manages to breathe life into the cliche and do some interesting and engaging things with it, with a twist at the end that’s genuinely executed remarkably well.

I give this one an 8/8, and “Prophecy” along with “Path of Death” is one of Steve’s best stories, and is a great grimdark story overall. Read this story if you like stories that genuinely surprise you. I promise this one is worth it, and I wish I had read it sooner.

I thought that this was an all around interesting fantasy story.

The main character is fun to play as, and it was humorous to see the "chosen one" fantasy story from the point of view of the sidekick. A lot of the sort of thing that would have my family talking to the TV and telling characters what to do or stop doing got pointed out, particularly with regards to Flynn and Anna. (I think those were their names. Not the best with names.)

The romance choices had their own distinct personalities and were good as CHARACTERS, which is sadly uncommon. I lied the way Mira only stayed with Ritz if he magic brainwashed her to. Since there was no sign that she had been wanting to settle down any time before.
I did not see the mass genocide project coming. So that was a fun surprise. It was a bit startling for Ritz to join Flynn (that is his name, right?) with very little at all by the way of convincing though. Perhaps if there was a little more beforehand that showed them to have a very, very close relationship it would not have been, but as it was, it was weird for Ritz to join him with no explanation. Then again, that was the first option I chose, and I did it without hesitation. So maybe genocide is so much fun it doesn't need any other argument.

I found all the endings and played through from the beginning twice to make sure I read almost all of the pages before reviewing, and I greatly preferred my first playthrough. The way the branching is set up means that a lot will be the same on the second playthrough. If you do not feel the need to read as many branches as possible, that should not be a problem, but for me things got a little tedious the second playthrough. (and by a little, I mean I got really bored and had to take a break for two weeks before I could come back to it)

I smiled whenever I read the name Scampers. It's generic, yet adorable.
Now, there is a part in the centaur camp which is very annoying. If you escape alone and choose to kill the centaur guarding Dikiz, when you are recaptured by the centaurs, your options are either an instadeath or Do Nothing. Do Nothing links back to killing the centaur guarding Dikiz, and so forth. This is quite annoying and alone would have probably led to me dropping the rating on a story that was shorter.

I enjoyed the ogre branch as well. It was fun.

This was some pretty fine entertainment that I would recommend, especially to those readers who like to save parts of a story for future play-throughs.

To finish this off, I will include a quote that made me laugh out loud both times I read it.
"You're not sure what the fuck you expected to find with a Satyr playing the panflute, but this is disappointing. Time to slowly back away"

In short, this was a great journey. Prophecy had well crafted locations, lore, and interesting events to keep your attention and the digital pages turning. There's also a substantial amount of content, and it kept my attention for the whole 3.5 hours it took to go through every route I could find (~12 epilogues). Prophecy has a good number of things going in its favor, and a few that are not.

(minor spoilers)

//Things that work well

The substantial and varied locales you visit in order to get the plot coupons are fun to picture in your head
The intricate descriptions of a number of settings, the opening is particularly well detailed
The backstories and lore are intriguing, though not as prominent as they could have been
A couple of the characters (Mira and Dikiz) were well written and had their own depth, which were expanded upon in their routes
The ogre side story towards the end
//Things I have mixed feelings about

The romances changed a fair bit of the flavor text throughout the latter half of the journey, and they were wittily written. However, one or two of the endings (if you had a romantic partner) came across as a bit jarring
The larger story arc driving the adventurers was interesting in its resolution, but perhaps could have had a bit more foreshadowing. The ideas the arc touched on were interesting though.
The endings were varied, however I felt that a bit more meat to them would have been appreciated (they often felt more brief than they needed be)

//Things that didn't work

It was entirely possible to miss story critical information in situations where you only had time to talk to one party member, leading to confusion as to where a certain choice was hinted at.
The linearity - outside of three decision choices, and one boxers vs briefs clothing choice there were very few things that you could do that didn't kill you AND affected the story in a meaningful way down the line.
Decision making - there were a number of occasions where you would have two or three choices, and honestly not much information to help you choose the right decision (the others would usually leave you dead). More information would be appreciated
The token minorities - you go around picking up followers like a stamp collector, and always one at a time. That cliche slightly taxed my willing suspension of disbelief
Consequentiality from certain actions felt lacking
Typos - There were many, however I look forward to them being patched out
The voice - this one I take particular issue with. The author often would have his characters engage in tirades or mouth off at something, but the wording used was distinctly modern, and highly unlikely to have been appropriate in the setting it was displayed in. This was a pretty strong immersion breaker, and would benefit from being written with more fantasy contextual insults
(/minor spoilers)

While it may look like there were more negatives than positives, that would not be a correct assessment. The author is a seasoned writer and knows how to build an epic story that keeps you engaged. Prophecy is a great work, perhaps not the greatest, but I'd gladly recommend it as a great experience.

I’ll try to avoid spoilers here.

Well, this is a great storygame even though some guest put four 1’s into the ratings to screw with it. Anyway, this’s impressive. The story is long and took me several hours to read through. I actually never became bored with the story. Even though the storygame is very linear, there main storyline is very entertaining (and there’re many ways to die). Now, there is some branching in the plot but it does not occur immediately in the story.

I also liked your characters including your protagonist Ritz. He honestly could be a huge arse, but you gave enough options to make him a relatively decent person (or an arse) if the reader so chooses. He's probably my favorite protagonist of yours yet since he isn't necessary an unlikable bastard and he feels like a fleshed-out character with his own “personal arc”.

Redmond seemed nice, almost too nice; however, he's a paladin which sort of comes with the job. I still don't know exactly why he let Ritz come along with him. (I know he had his sword while Ritz had the necklace, yet it still seemed rather odd.) Mira was fine. She seemed to partially be in there to throw your insults. :)

Orut was the strong guy. Tilia was the hippie. Each was interesting. I only wish they were introduced into the plot sooner. Anna seemed sort of thrown into the plot only to serve a specific plot-wise purpose. She was the only character that I didn’t care much for, but she didn’t do much anyway.

Dikiz was actually my favorite character of the book. She was very childish but apparently spent a great deal of free time reading. Also, their lifespan was quite interesting for the species. Though, it did make sense from a biological perspective. She also took part in my favorite scene from the story. It was when she rolled the ball to Ritz and he rolled it back when they first met. Their conversation was rather simple and sweet (even though it was about topics that were certainly not). She seemed so innocent in a world of very non-innocent people.

I do have a few nitpicks however. There were many plot-wise parts of this storygame that I found to be somewhat similar to your previous ones. For example, Redmond reminded me of the necromancer from Path of Death while Ritz seemed like the orc. The dialogue style was sometimes reminiscent to other stories of yours; however, that isn't necessary a bad thing (since I like your dialogue style). I also feel like some of the long names (such as the mountain and the god's name) were encoded, but I couldn't figure that out. Maybe, you just felt like creating long, odd names.

Enough with the nitpicking now… Acquiring the materials needed to unlock the door could've been monotonous, but it was exciting through certain surprises that I didn’t expect. It was a pretty interesting portrayal of the classic "heroes walk around to gather stuff" trope.

Well, except for the linearity and occasional grammar error, it seemed without fault to me. Prophesy is yet another oddly amazing work by Steve.

one of the best i ever read

Great story - Dikiz gang rise up!

This was an amazing story! I have been preaching its awesomeness to all the homies. Please make more stories! You are such an incredible writer!

Good story, but too many swears.

good story

There are typos in the story but I could still follow it, so no harm there. This is right up there with some of my favorite stories on the site. Certainly one of the most original. I would love to see something similar with taking the role of a side character.

I enjoyed it.

Very good story, 7/8, just a little to much swearing for me.

I really liked it! Though, I never had a chance to get to the end of it because I got caught in a loop when I tried to not stab a centaur who was taking me back to the cage after Mira and I freed Dikiz. If I do nothing, the loop starts and if I grab the spear, I die.

I don't even have the words. This was something else. Thank you who ever made this, my life is a little more complete.

It’s good.

The endings are pretty emotional and the story and plot is great, specific characters die pretty much no matter what you do, so that sucked ):

But this was an amazing story, RitzxRaaz!

Good game i just don't like the fact taht i had to fuck a horse.

+very long story
+interesting and deep characters
+nice ending
+cool milieu
10/10
yet to discover all the endings

Stayed up til 1:30 reading. Its really fuckin good.

Ending: The Quiet Life

I was very impressed by this story. A grand tale, certainly perilous and engaging, albeit crude at times.

I'll certainly reply at some point... I wonder what would have happened if I chose something else from the merchant...

Can't believe it took forever for me to come across this gem.

Well, what can I say? Another very well written story with a nice plot, some good twists, and interesting characters each with their own personality.

I liked that instead of going with a generic chosen one story, you chose to have the reader read from a side characters view. Even though the character was still able to rise to the occasion, but just on merit of being a bad ass.

Based on the very juvenile dialogue and poor sentence structure, I'm guessing this was written by someone in their mid-teens. If that's the case, there are some interesting ideas and somewhat humorous scenes. If you can fight through the roughly 3000 examples of toilet humor, there's some entertainment value to be had here.

If it was written by an adult, I'd have to say I'm underwhelmed.

Good story. A LOT of errors though. You should've had someone proofread. But I loved the adventure

not much i can say other then BEST THING I HAVE EVRY DONE

Awesome

Really cool

Righteously Kick Ass

good

Can anyone believe this ending?! WTF?!
"Ending: The Player's Final Act

You drive the sword into your chest, coughing.

"And so ends my story," Mol'Chu says.

"Yes. 'Twas a good one," the Tourist smiles.

With that, your eyes go blank, and another soul perishes from the world. It's not long before everything is dead. Every trace of life on the world is gone. With that, the intricate story carved by Mol'Chu comes. The very last sound in the world is the slow clapping of the Tourist as Mol'Chu bows, before the world is left entirely dead."

What is this game? I cannot get past the first 10 pages without getting killed! How is it even playable?

fantastic love the ending

Fun

This story was very entertaining. There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said, and the only errors I uncovered was the many typos and the constant use of the word 'site' instead of 'sight', and some random repeating sentences and weird out of place words that felt like it was meant to be on a different path. Otherwise, wonderful work Steve. Well done.

Thanks.

Quite good. Another scream story from Steve.

This is great. Very long, and some of the less fortunate event seem unavoidable, but it's very well put together. A wonderfully crafted world, but I also very much enjoyed the variety of choices provided. As a noob still learning the classic editor, I thought this storygame, with its large array of little tangents and loops and turns, was very well conceived in terms of the game's choice matrix itself.

A well built world which relies on some classic fantasy tropes with some individual seasoning to keep things relatable but not over generic to anyone versed in genre tropes. Nothing mold breaking or truly fresh; but this story isn't about the parts, but the sum total. All the elements are used well to build a good sense of investment without being overdrawn. Those who like exposition and deep character interaction may find those areas a tad sparse, but the page count is well used. The story is a bit linear, but there are enough superficial choices to keep you feeling active in the events that unfold. There are some spelling and composition errors, more than a few to be precise, I overlooked them but a couple did actually make understanding a tad more difficult. <minor possible spoilers>There were a few bugs in my play throughs, chiefly in the "merchant" scenes, when choosing "joy" the page still said I chose "knowledge" but gave the text for joy anyway, relatively minor. When choosing near the end "power" whichever option I chose still linked to "conquest" so I was unable to get the other ending off the "power" choice.
<end spoilers>
It wasn't a huge deal but still dampened the experience. Another opinion is I feel that the "main" ending branch is too close to the last page. It would be nice to have at least 2-3 branches from around the climax with distinct paths and discrete choices to each. Another possible expansion would be to include branches from some of the death scenes. Many instant death choices seem like they should allow the story to continue on a new path. These are mostly just observations on how overall linear the story is, but it was still a fun story with some great moments and an interesting protagonist. I highly recommend giving this a look.

The Eternal Freeze could be a good sequel.

This story was incredibly well-written. It deserves to be a featured story. My favorite endings were The Player's Final Act (through genocide) and Love Triumphs (with the bug).

This was very fun to read and play, this was very awesome.

A great story. A must read. The writing was superb and I'm pretty happy with the life ending :)

Bloody good, this continuity. Keep it up!

Mr. Chinkrinski!!!!!!!!...

You've deserved the commendation on this one. Spectacularly amazing story with great plot! I only spotted a few grammatical errors, but that was it.

I liked how you were never the "chosen one" to start like in many generic adventures. That gets quite redundant the more it's repeated. And in the end, you still wasn't the chosen one, but you rose from the filthy rapist murderous thieving scum-of-the-fantasy-earth-appropriately-named Ratling that you are to still a Ratling, but different (hah, no spoiling). You've managed to retain the magic length and story The Path of Death has, and I absolutely thank you for providing me this experience to read a new gem of CYStia.

Lucky for you that's what I like. Much more than Reeses' Cups. 7/8.

I must say, that was an amazing adventure I had just embarked on. Not only was it a fascinating read, but the plot was extremely captivating with the multi-dimensional story you chose to play upon. The characters were extremely entertaining, each personality adding flavor to this game you have created. A few things you may have improved on, however, was the dialogue. I noticed an abundant amount of "_____ says," and although that is acceptable, the repetition of this was a bit distracting, and you could have developed the character and plot more thoroughly this small qualm I had.

All in all, you are a fantastic writer, I thank you for giving me such a good time with your book. Thank you for this!

I was pleasantly surprised at this, for some time now the quality of the writing, here has been horrible with crappy stories and short games. This looks almost as good as the works by BerkaZerka and EndMaster. Yes, it did have typos and yes it did have flaws but I really enjoyed it. Great work and going to go through the other works by this author.

Awesome story.The tourist is also the one from the path of death right? and that made the story a lot interesting. You are an excellent author dude, excited to read more stories from you.

Impressive how you manage to create so many good stories in such a small time!

Well, I finished the game and recieved this ending:

~The Quiet Life~

It was a lengthy story about a poor ratling who rose from the shadows to defeat an unseen evil. Friends died, sacrifices were made, and sadly I couldn't find the rat-bug intercourse. However, I enjoyed this story immensely, despite the various errors.

Good work, once more, Steve-o.

Another fantastic and highly readable story with lots of branches and a typically Steve-esque fun and enjoyable style of writing :D A great read.

This was the first time I read any of Steve's work. I was glad to have read it, and died. To admit, I was truthful and did my best to fit the shoes (or paws) of my patron ratling. Too bad I died.

It was sturdy and interesting despite the errors that season this story. Good work, Steve.

I didn't reach the good ending yet, but so far it's a great story. I spotted a few errors here and there ("on site" in place of "on sight" for example) but it didn't take away from the story itself.

6/8. Definitely rereading for a better, most likely longer ending.