Player Comments on Runaway

Not bad at all, but it could use some tuning. Primarily, I wouldn't call this story 'extremely long' whatsoever. It's length 5. The adventure was cool but with a lack of background information about me, I noticed a distinct disconnect. Your grammar in the first few pages needs work but it sorts itself out as the story continues. Finally, I'd definitely suggest not blowing your own horn so much. Sentences like: "I believe this is a magnificent piece of work, showing determination, love, and trust can bring you riches....along with some help from friends." make you seem really pretentious and full of yourself even though we all know that you aren't. Good story though, has serious potential. Your writing is improving exponentially.

It was a bit hard, but I enjoyed it.

It was a bit hard, but I enjoyed it.

I am so confused. How do you win? But other than me not being able to win, what I saw of the story it seemed pretty solid.

How? Do you? Finish? The game?

love it bby

It was okay didn't take long then i got shot in the head so that's interesting i am jsut gonna move on to antoher story now

One section of the story was missing. It was the part where you chose not to eat the berries. Other then that, I thought it was great.

Yeah, not a bad story, except what's the deal with the knife? I don't get the chance to really use it and if I do the knife fly back to stab me in my chest??? @@

Quite short, but it is still excellent and the items are very well implemented. The only bad thing I can say, is that it is quite easy to figure out when you need to use an item.

How da puck with dis thing
I can't pucking win!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN'T WIN! AAAARRRGH1

Is it me, or did the font change at one point? Nevermind.

The idea of the story is intriguing, and I really liked the second page (right after the intro), but that's pretty much it. There's no... substance. There's maybe a couple of sentences per page and was hardly thought out. With some fattening up and extension, I think that this could make a really good storygame!

This was great! Addicting. I really did try to put it down - didn't make it. But I finally found the right combination of events, and it really is a good story. Superb!

Impossible. Unwinnable.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS! The main character pays respect to stupid idiots that are beating him/her and doesn't even fight back to the evil adults!!! What a sheep!

ether way you die at the end what is that

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhg who did this i tried every way possible take the scarf leave the scarf make an alliance nothing was working hate it but good only you made it a bit to hard

Excellent. Great story, it was fun and challenging, because you could end it quickly or long, so that you survive longer.

The build-up was quite slow but all in all, it was alright. A good story.

Pretty good. Just wish I didn't have to die so much. :P You should play it though

This game is ......so awesome:D

I FINISHED! Finally! I am disappointed at the ending, though.

cool story though not as long as I thought it would be.

huh anyway you still going to get killed in the OTHER VILLAGE!

Nice

That was absolutely fantastic. I really enjoyed it, all the way through. I must admit that it did take me quite a while to get to the end, but it was very satisfying.

It was a good story, nice job.

Here's proof that I finished it. :)

Awesome! It took me several tries (and several uses of the "go back" button). :-)

:( I died but it was a really good game since it got my attention and I actually read the whole thing. A few games barely catch my attention and I end up skimming and clicking buttons. It did feel a little rushed and I wish it were longer at some points but I plan on playing again for a better ending.

Cool. Took me a couple of tries.

I liked it, but the ending felt rushed though. To me it seems like it should've been a bit longer.What you did have was nice though, and finally, a female protagonist! Most stories assume you're male.Nice job! 6/8

I found a blank page in the forest, and some of the stuff in that scene was inconsistant. For example, I could kill the first of the five soldiers several times, then use my last bullet on the guy who kills Jared, then have one bullet left when I meet the dude in the village.

ok

Loved it! I feel so sorry for Jared though. But I have a couple of problems like a page didn't work and how come that guy was hitting me in the beginning, and how come no one stopped him from doing so?

little boring.

It was a decent story. I noticed a few errors, like "This time,you promise myself" and occasionally you would forget quotation marks. 4/8

Not bad, confusing at times, but an okay effort. 4/8

I plan on checking out your other games, which you seemed more proud of. In truth, I think this one needs a good bit of revision. Mainly, I think it needs more context. Why are the solders beating you in the beginning? Are you a criminal? Framed? A rebel against a tyrannical regime? There were some pages with no links (such as the "Try to find a new source of food" page). Also, it didn't seem like there were many tactical decisions to make. Most of the solders were killed off in the same page so it almost felt rushed. Stories usually feel more interesting when there is more of a challenge to evading or defeating each specific opponent as opposed to dismissively killing them off.

Sorry, I know you asked me to read this and I don't want to insult your work, but I think you could do a lot better so I'm being honest. My own work has some plot holes that were noticed by others.

Its okay but I didn't know where I got my gun from , it doesn't make sense. Apart from this flaw its pretty good.

It doesn't matter what you think of your writing, it's tactless to call it what you did.

Yes, I was a bit boastful about this story in that one comment, but I do think this is a good piece. The first few pages were mostly heehee's work, but I'm not sure if it was also my pages. Either way, nobody's perfect with grammar.

I see the arbitrary and unrefined style of inexperience.

hey this is good so far... but ur not finished. i came accross a page that had nothing and no links. i would check it out if i were u

Ahh, one of my better works. Now if ONLY heehee would get on this site AND PUBLISH IT!!!!! GET ONE HEEHEE!!!

This has good potential and i do want to help you. just add me as your coauthor. And one more thing, DON'T EVER publish an unfinished story. ever.