Player Comments on Storm the school.

Wow, that was the most unrealistic terrorist situation I've ever seen.

You're a sixth-former, so you're a schoolboy/schoolgirl, and you speak fluent Russian and have no trouble shooting these terrorists dead with a gun that you probably shouldn't know how to operate. What, are you some kind of undercover junior cop in training or something? How did you overpower this grown man holding a gun to your head?

As you inexplicably go around shooting terrorists and stashing their bodies in the closet as if it's second nature to a schoolkid who's in the middle of their exams, the result is that these terrorists don't really seem that threatening anymore. They can't even speak English, so they already sound rather amateurish, and now this teenager goes around killing them. That must be pretty embarrassing for them.

There's also no real background to this hostage situation. You can let the terrorists kill this other girl and the game ends on the first choice. You could probably turn it into a school shooting at that point, but that's a different story altogether.

Your writing wasn't bad, but none of your readers are going to root for a protagonist like this. They're at school, they're not going to be able to beat up a fully armed terrorist with their bare hands. Introduce other scenarios. Create a sense of tension which isn't entirely dispelled by "whoops I went the wrong way". Give us a few more choices. But stop making this protag so overpowered, or nobody's going to believe in any of it.

The plot was good, but it was linear, there were also a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes as well as a few punctuation mistakes. I also have a problem with how easily the protagonist accomplishes things, that part was not very realistic and made things a little weird.

Somehow I get the impression that this is every teenage boy's wet dream. :p

it ok

I am a HERO. Take that, classmates. You would’ve just let the poor girl die. Cowards. I’m a hero!!

This does not make sense.
Firstly, you've been learning Russian for only a year, and then you know how to say stuff in Russian that you normally never use? So strange.
Next, you're in school, and then suddenly a Russian person rushes in the classroom. Are there no one in the school, only you and your class? Or is everyone blind?
Thirdly, how is it possible for a student to snatch a gun, kill people, climb roofs and all those secret agent stuff? Especially after getting such a shock?
The grammar was good, and I guess the options were okay. But really, the storyline is just for a student to fight out of the school and arrest a criminal or something? That totally doesn't make sense unless it's a superhero school.
Description of the character is needed, too.
Overall, I think if you used a different idea/storyline, it would've been pretty decent. Rated 3/8

This story was very linear, and the protagonist was way too overpowered. Boring

This is the most boring game on the entire website

It was alright, but really short

How about having more choices then "die or don't die"

Also, pretty sure a sixth grader can't accurately kill several guards without feeling bad or missing the shots.

Its so weird!
special thanks to zombiegod2 for suggesting me to check this cyoa out!

I think I can explain the super strength...this child is a sixth former...not a sixth grader. The sixth form is the last and most powerful form, where he can overpower these average third and fourth former men.

Joking aside you should take the time to flesh out and develop the story. Maybe make it a bit more believable. Don't lose hope and just develop your writing skills.

Just wanted to point out that on almost every single story, choosing the dumb choice on the first page, and you'll end the game. Of course, I played it through afterwards.

It is okay lack's choice's

short but fun

So apparently I can take on grown men who probably have experience with guns?

I guess it's fine... But it needs more story

needs more story

I'm a hero????????????????

Kinda fun, but not much of a story.

Oh what do you know, the main character just happens to speak Russian and understand everything the terrorist is saying!

Yep, like Raven said. Very short and linear. I also couldn't see the pictures it said "Click here" I don't trust those sorts of things.

It's way too short and linear.

But....I'm the Hero (said dieing)-America
Anime Renfrance

I'm a hero? XD

It is very interesting. I like the hero part :) keep writing stories!!

Really good, but too short way way to short

Good story. The writing was selective and the choices were great. The whole storygame was unique in it's own way, but could use some improvements. Such as maybe a longer story. But it was fun to play. 6/8

It was a pretty quick, fun, and easy game to finish. The story was exciting for the most part and each scene held a good amount of detailed writing. It was a little short, and has much potential if it were lengthened in the future. :)

The character is way op!

I had fun, you should make a sequel with a less 'capable' character.

I'm Russian! XD But:

1. Linear.
2. Too short
3. I agree with Red Ribbion, you should have saved everyone.

Other than that, great game!

It would have been better if you saved everyone and not just yourself

I like how there were so many pictures and the ending I got was satisfying.

One of the best short games I've read on this site so far. Well done! ^_^

Ummm...

Ending not clear enough

nice game, but if you have an end game link on the first page with only two links I have minus 1 rank. 6/8

okay...

Way to linear, needs more choices that don't end in death.

i agree with 3j, 1st page+death= FAIL!!!!! What's the point?

Death link on first page = epic fail.

now that reminded me of the old CYOA i used to read. straight forward, and entertaining. however, you should work on writing longer stories. length 3 is too short for your style.

Way too linear, but the writing's pretty good, and much longer than your other story