Player Comments on The Lost Island

Spoilers below.


Characters: 1/8
Robinson had zero personality. He's a businessman whose plane crashes into a deserted island, but he has little to no reaction to everything. It would have made the story far better if there were a few lines about him being worried that he would be fired from his job, or even an entire character arc where he realizes that living as a caveman far from society is better than his job.

Prose: 2/8
There were only a few sentences per page, and there were no paragraph breaks, even on the slightly longer pages. The prose was clunky and there wasn’t much variety in word choice.
There was very little description. The pictures helped, but it would have boosted the quality of the story to describe surroundings, animals, and the plane crash in detail instead of letting the pictures do all the work.

Plot: 3/8
Landing on a deserted island after some sort of crash is extremely overdone. The ending and most of the events were predictable and boring. It could still have worked well if there were character arcs or vivid description, but there was nothing.
It also took no effort or thinking to survive the island. The reader should have to ponder over the choices and determine what would be best. Instead, randomly clicking links works just as well to get to the ending where you survive.
As DBNB said, the plane crash was unrealistic. No survivors, but Robinson is completely uninjured and not very worried?

General tone: 2/8
There was no sense of danger when facing the tiger or snake, no feeling of panic when Robinson sees the fallen plane. One word that mentions Robinson is worried, and then, with zero other description, he goes straight into foraging for food and making shelter. Same with facing the tiger. One word that mentions Robinson is scared, but there is no sense of panic or fear. Some elaboration really would be good.

In all, 3/8.

A fairly enjoyable storygame :)

The writing in this was decent enough, although I noticed that it was a bit linear. Also, some of the dialogue switched from third person to first, and that didn't really do much for the sense of immersion as I read. This game was rather short but I do appreciate that effort that's here, as I didn't find myself finding anything too glaringly obvious as far as any potential problems go. So good job on proofreading and overall care to your game.

One aspect that also made this storygame better in the long run were the pictures. They added life to the writing and fit together nicely with the overall plot, never feeling out of place as to what was happening in the story.

Still, this was rather short for a storygame that's about survival on a island. There was some challenge here, but the overall challenge doesn't last long when this game's length is taken into account. Although this isn't a game with the most depth, it's still one with some rather decent writing in it.

At the end of the day I enjoyed this, so great work.

This is a copy of cast away accept that the movie was too long so that it was cut short by letting him get rescued. Shit

This game was better than I thought it would be, and was fairly enjoyable to play.

The branching could be much better. Although there were at least a couple choices on many of the pages, they didn't seem to affect the story much, and left it feeling very linear.

The main complaint I have is that the story was very shallow considering the subject matter. Of course this could all be simply due to the story length, but the subject seems to beg for a more immersive and descriptive story.

Initially I found it strange that after the plain crash, you are not injured at all. There are no other survivors, or even any non-survivors, around, and no choice was given to look for anyone else who may have survived. It seemed to me that much of the dramatic tension from an event like this was left unexplored.

Overall, not a bad game, but could become much better with some more story detail and more branching on the choices.

This game was pretty good and fun!

Nice little romp. There was some errors and the like but on the whole, not too shabby.

Short adventure within a day of someone's life. Nice story.

It's a good story with a good plot, but there aren't many places where you can make important decisions. Mostly, it's just press for the next day or press to go back to the beach. Other than that, it's a good story overall.

You are a decent writer. You have clearly point some effort into making a good story.

The story is short and has loads of scope for more depth, but you know how to construct prose better than a lot of the authors on this site.

Ok

This was quite fun! A bit simple but enjoyable if you want a quick storygame.

its awesome but maybe a little bit longer

Good, but maybe if it was a bit longer...

5/8 Not a bad story. It was very short for at least my choices. I didn't pick anything bad so not sure if there are bad consequences or not. It entertained me, so not bad!

Not bad at all.

Well I got eaten by a pack of hyenas, so I don't really know that much about what happens. :P

This was really fun!

I rated it a 6/8. I think it really has potential, but it needs to be longer. You're a good writer, as in you really know how to structure a sentence well, and I wanted to get to know more of the adventure, it was just over too soon. :-)

ok I guess

Good game, short, nice flow to it though.

This was a bit depressing and boring, but I can't say it was too bad.

one of the shortest storys i have seen no such nothing just a waste of time

It was pretty ok, I rated a 4/8.

Interesting but very short

it was pretty good, at least you put some effort and you tryed

Awesomeness Approves!
Well, it was good, for the most part. There's nothing I can say that has already been said, but this is a lot better than the new stories that have been flooding in now a days.
3/8

Super

Well, the writing was ok, the length was just nice, not dragged out or whatever, and the story was ok. Not the worst game.

needs more choices.

Really simple and had no depth to the character, but it was still kinda fun.

Pretty good but really really short for a survival game

This was okay. 4

Yup, completely unrealistic (pumas live in mountains fer gerd's shake) and completely not worth my time.

At one point (one of the pages about the Puma), you shift your pronouns from 'he' to 'you.' Also, you might consider making some of the choices Robinson makes within the text decisions that the player can make (where/when/how/with what to make shelter, etc.) just to add more "survival" bits in.

This was pretty good.

Kinda linear, but a good start. Develop this idea more and this game could be really, really cool.

First, I found it interesting that you decided to write this in third person instead of second person. Most people go the "you" route. However I found that the paths were lacking in diversity.

I made it out alive!

Short and simple game.

You can make the game more difficult by adding items for the inventory. Also, since you were in a plane, you might wanna add some people or cast in the game who have vital roles. Either they'll help you, or pull you down. Bringing up the "survival of the fittest" in life.