Player Comments on The very short tale of Bara

I had to read the first sentence at least four times trying to understand “resides many beings live a life.” I’m just not sure what that’s supposed to say there. There’s also a lot of commas in the first two sentences and beyond. In fact, there’s so many commas on that first page that it is actually difficult to read in some ways. Each time I see the comma I pause, and that’s a LOT of pauses in just the first page.

Overall, though, this was an excellent story! I really liked this story. There were a couple of minor typos and errors, but nothing major. The story itself was nice and creative. The setting was described enough to really get me into the story. I also really appreciated the different options and choices. There were a number of different endings, and not just pick the right choice or die endings. While the story is short, I agree with the other reviewer that mentioned that this really is a complete story. This could be used as a good model for other stories on this site that want to be brief: it has a start and various endings. It has a good setting and characters that change. Thank you for sharing this one with the site, it really is excellent.

Honestly, I found this storygame to be really good in quality, but obviously there's a large lacking in quantity.

Your good writing is really what saved this storygame from getting removed, i'd guess, because there really wasn't much else that was good about this storygame besides that.

The branching wasn't anything to be proud of, since there was barely any of it. Of course, it's understandable that you can't add too many paths in a very, VERY short storygame.

This isn't the kind of thing i'd read twice, or recommend to anyone else, but it's still pretty good. Just not great.

Some of the paragraphs could have been split up better, and spaced out more. At times there were just big blocks of text.

A good three minutes of reading, I guess? 3/8.

This story is very underrated. Regardless of length, the story is complete. In one way, the lack of length is a strength. You packed allot of good into a small package. Your word choice was also very appropriate for the story, great job. An enjoyable bite-sized snack. 6/8

GOOD STORY NEEDS WORK

Wow. This is a beautiful storygame and has the kind of atmosphere of one of Grimm's Fairy Tales. Although short, there are quite a few options of where to go with some very unique options. I was quite surprised at all the different endings available.

All in all, a really good job and definitely one of the more unique stories on this site.

I liked the story, there's a certain kind of simplicity to all of this that makes it very enjoyable to read-- especially in a short amount of time.

Cuthe, short story.

Great and interesting.

I found the story really compelling and well written (despite having gotten a depressing ending). Good job, keep it up!

This story was very descriptive and detailed even though it was pretty short. Good job. 7/8

You're spirit's name is... bara? *snicker*

Well written, if a bit short. I liked the fact that it was descriptive.

A lovely game. I enjoyed playing. :)

It was a very pleasing short story, with a few grammar mistakes.

Very short, but well-written for what it was.

Absolutely loved it! I had to go back because I chose the wrong thing ON THE FIRST PAGE. Put more adventure before the end. I also felt like there was a lot more story than game. Even though there was choices on each page, there was a ton of text. I know that most people like that, but spread it out across pages and let the reader decide what they do, not you decide what they do! Other than that, great game!

Beautiful and simple

Yay, made it the second time around. x3 That was a cute little story.

Sweetly sad. Very, very good writing. I think that it could be better with more content, but it is very good. I liked the ending, however I wish there was a description of the place where the spirits go.

I loved my ending. It was beautiful.

I'm actually okay with it being short. I looked at exactly two pages and that's about the attention span I have right now. :) It's an interesting idea. Good job.

Good story nya!

It is understandable why it would be rated 4. But I am not going to say why. It is a good game.

Rather decent writing, would be better with more content.

Very sweet and unique. Nice word imagery too!

Touching.

Splendid writing. Although it was short, it was complete.

Nicely done, save for the fact that the plot itself needed major improvements, as well as minor grammatical changes.

I liked it. Cute story, more than decent writing. Am sure if you put a lot of work into a longer story it would be really impressive.

Conceptually it is sweet and whimsical, but the writing could use some fine tuning and proof reading. Also, a little more content might be nice.

It's short, but good for how short it is. If you wrote something longer it would be even better.

dying on the first choice is almost a never good idea

as what you have said, it is short.