Player Comments on The wolves of the sea

You know, in the beginning I had planned to write a joke comment, but then I started reading the first page. Yeah, I changed my mind. This deserves a proper review and me combing through wikipedia and the internet.

All from the very beginning I have the feeling that you have done some research. For example using proper terms like helmsman or things like longboats and such. There is only a few things I wanted to address, some that I had to look up as well. Writing historical settings, honestly is a darn pain in the ass (reason why I and many others don't feel like writing such stories, especially during contests where time is very much limited), because of the overwhelming amount of research you have to do. Well, I looked some things up, perhaps it's wrong, who knows. Thought some pointers would be good.

Vikings actually preferred silver over gold most of the time and I don't believe that a building in the middle of nowhere (even a small church) would have that much gold haha.
Okay and with pagan, did you mean that those folk they were raiding were Christian? A bit confused about that. (after a second read through, yeah, they are probably christians.)

By the end of the viking age, 1050 or so, most vikings were already christian. Ever since the year 800 Vikings had already slowly began to convert to christianity. I would imagine that even in his raiding group, that there would be at least a few christians out there, perhaps this would cause some friction within the group? It would be interesting if you could plant the seeds of conflict in this part of the story (especially because viking infighting about the implementation of christianity is a recurring element at one of the two routes.)

Full plate armor as you described were used in the late medieval period, starting late 13th century (with tidbits to protect the joints and shins), but fully implemented in the 15th-16th century. Viking expansion in Europe was from 8th century to 11th century. There are a couple of hundred years between the full plate armor and the vikings. I know, I know, it looks less cool, but you can change the armor to chainmail or a hauberk. Is just as effective.

Regarding choices and such: the first choice presented to you, is whether you will fight the man in armor or not or with help. My question is, who is the help? Is it a greenhorn who hasn't had any experience in combat, your buddy, someone that hates your guts? A little more information beforehand is much appreciated so that the reader can make an informed choice.
There is a decent amount of branching considering its short length, so I don't have much to comment on that.

I love that you added Leif Erikson. Oh, I got the date: so around the year 1000 give or take a hundred years if we based it on the Jomsvikings. Joining the Jomsvikings isn't that easy, they are actually pretty strict who gets to be part of their clique. You had to prove your strength and had to do some ritualistic duel, a holmgang with another Jomsviking.

Ah with the introduction of Olaf the First we manage to narrow it down to 995-1000. Yes, there was indeed a conflict between Olaf and the Jomsvikings, in particular about Christianity. Nice bit of research, wished you could have introduced the tension a little earlier (Perhaps with the baptization of Leif Erikson?). The battle is called the battle of Svolder for the curious people.
You don't have to use it, but vikings generally call the natives skraelings.

With page 6. I think that basic labor jobs aren't really a thing there, well you can be a little more specific. There are a few industries this man can get into. It is very probable that (as he is already a seafarer), that he would be hunting some ivory from walrus tusks or if he had some resources, that he would do some pastoral farming and such.

The game isn't necessarily bad, it's just that the reading experience and immersion would be this much higher if you spent even more time researching stuff and expanding on some things.

A fairly good story about a rarely visited time in history. I think the idea of a Viking fighting a person in plate armor is a bit historically inaccurate, ringmail would have been more likely. This story gave a fair perspective of the different life choices available to Vikings but there was more you could put in like their gods, trial by combat, the main character’s family etc, also some hairy and violent real historical characters would have been good too. In the context it was written (for the writing competition) I thought it was decent.

As others said it is very short! But very well written. I suggest you expand on this as you have a good start.

Real good story, would play again

I enjoyed it. The three death thing at the end of fighting the knight was kinda lazy tho.

I quite enjoyed this one, a shame it's so short. There's not enough stories about Vikings, and this one did a good job of concisely portraying Viking culture. Unfortunately, there's nothing else particularly remarkable here.

In this state, the story is found wanting. Take very seriously to heart Gower's comment; for I couldn't agree more.

What you have here is a solid outline for a very, very cool game. You did something a lot of first timers don't do--they give some thought to choice structure and actual interesting branching. But bits like "You spend the rest of your years raiding. You eventually become a helmsman. You die with an axe in your hand, as it should be" are opportunities for good writing, not the writing itself--think of that as a placeholder.

Can you tell a cool story about spending your years raiding? Heck, can you throw some more choices in there, at that "end link" state? Maybe I can choose the way I go out with an axe in my hand, and there you go--a way to expand and storytell.

I would love to see what you could do with more flesh on the bones of this storygame.

Better than expected!

This storygame was not bad and could have really benefitted from a bit more substance. It is very short, 2500 words, but I'm guessing this is due to the deadline for the contest.

I wish there was a bit more development of the main character because I did not really feel much attachment to him.

The writing seemed solid, and I did not notice any major grammar or spelling issues that distracted me from reading.

The branching was pretty good, especially for how short the story was. I do wish that the endings had a bit more substance, but I liked that there were several different paths and endings.

Overall, a pretty decent short storygame.

This story was okay. I will admit up front that most historical fiction doesn’t really interest me too much (this is more true the further back in time the story is set in) but I still found the story to be okay. I think if the premise interests you then you should read it, it is pretty short after all.

One thing I wasn’t the biggest fan of was the branching. It exists, which for a game of this size is a decent accomplishment. There’s a lot of stories that can’t say the same. Though all of the choices leading to the same place and one choice leading to three death links kind of threw me off a little. It might be a me problem for reading all the paths, but I just wasn’t a fan of how much longer some of the paths were from others. Each of the longer paths is pretty good individually though, which is nice to see.

The protagonist was kind of a blank shell, and none of the other characters really stood out. He does have some life, especially at the start, but not much.

The writing is fine, I liked a lot of the descriptions. Really made me feel like I was there on the ship.

I think my problem with this story is one of interest, I certainly don’t know as much about vikings as Darius lol. But it’s an okay story and I wouldn’t call it bad by any means. If I were to give any advice it’d be to improve your characterization and maybe go for a more focused story. This one was one of those stories where it jumps between events really fast, not dedicating much time to any one thing. Which is fine, I actually like some of those stories, but maybe try a more focused scope and see how that goes for you.

Not too short and not too long. There were not many typos. Well written and easy to read. I enjoyed it.