Player Comments on Theriocide

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

There are only six words in this storygame’s description (not counting the part about the contest), yet it nicely summarizes the protagonist’s situation and motivation throughout the story. I have to learn from TCat about being more concise.

The story starts with a few cryptic, poetic phrases that I’ll probably enjoy a lot more once I figure out how they relate to the narrative. As for the first page, descriptive writing is employed really well. It immerses the reader as the protagonist observes the scene, with choice of diction creating a dark, magical atmosphere. The use of active verbs like “smoke rises” and “guts swirling” makes the prose feel more dynamic. Similes and metaphors are used to provide a glimpse into the setting: “swirling like purple snakes” imply it takes place in a fantastical world and “warm as a daughter’s hand trailing across your cheek” hints at the protagonist’s possible ties to her family.

“You’ll have to manage, show them all what you're really made of.” — This develops the protagonist further too, as she has a desire to prove herself through difficult feats (relatable).

Woah. She’s eating a fish-man alive? That throws the reader into this grimdark setting and further characterizes the protagonist too. Description doesn’t shy away from the gory details, befitting the tone of this story. I really like the line: “the oceans will bleed red before you are done”.

Next, a bit more about this world is revealed. A radio asks if she has secured Quadrant Four, though her internal narration reveals she has not. The deep point-of-view is effective, allowing the readers to connect with the protagonist and understand her rationale for her seemingly brutal act. She wants vengeance more than anything, driven by such a strong hatred that “a hundred-thousand years of basking in their screams would not be enough” and this mission is merely a means to an end. The protagonist has a dramatic tendency, which is also reflected in her words and thoughts. She sees herself as a force to be reckoned with, holding the power to destroy them. Each of the examples show the extremity of her anger and her (possibly overly generous) evaluation of her own abilities, e.g. “bringer of their fate” “wiping their names from the annals of history” and “damned the instant they dared touch her”. I like that the story addresses the derailment, as it shows it is a deliberate personality trait of the protagonist rather than a pacing problem.

The first choice is between her desire and duty; between giving into her impulsive anger or selecting the safer decision. Either way, it is presented as a significant one, as the protagonist is reminded of how a few minutes could be the difference between life and death, like it was with ‘her’.

WRITING STYLE

I love how the description is used to develop the protagonist’s goals and character. For instance, the part about the different sectors might seem like a short infodump, but it is relevant to the protagonist’s mission. The details of the shadowed room, with “charred skeletons and bones yellowed with age” is not only highly immersive, yet also hints at the protagonist’s backstory. Having the cracked skull of children is an effective way to trigger readers’ emotions: it allows them to sympathize with the protagonist while painting the fish-men as cruel and barbaric villains.

Tying into this, pacing is executed well. Information about the protagonist is inferred as the story goes on, creating a sense of mystery. This is seen when the description of the childlike skulls mention “children who should never have been caught up in war and should be safe and laughing and happy as she was not”. It makes the next part choice more meaningful: she sees a ribbon like her late daughter’s.

“A-L-I-A, written in loopy cursive. Alia.” — The way her name is repeated twice, before the realization sinks in (“It’s her”) adds to the emotional impact here.

When the fish-men attack, the use of sensory details paints a picture of the gruesome result: “Claws scratch across a path from your shoulder to waist, blood dying your uniform red, your breath coming in stuttered gasps.” Cumulative sentence fragments quicken the pace, while showing that these occur in an unbroken sequence of events.

I like this extended metaphor: “never give them the satisfaction of knowing they have broken you like an undercooked egg against the wooden floor, yellowed yolk bursting against the boards and seeping into the cracks where you will never be able to get it out and it will fester like you have festered all these years” — It’s especially fitting, given how the protagonist believes she is broken beyond repair and her only purpose is to avenge her daughter.

There are a lot of poetic, introspective lines: “All stories begin in the dark, some in the dark of a mother's womb, and others in the lack of knowledge, and all stories will end in the dark.” These convey the story’s tone very well, as well as the protagonist’s pessimism which likely stems from her daughter’s death. It fits the atmosphere of a world where humanity is fighting—rather, losing—a war to a violent, merciless enemy.

CHARACTERS & PLOT

The protagonist is a mother who seeks revenge against the fish-people for killing her daughter. On top of this, she is blinded by rage and torn between duty towards her fellow humans and vengeance for her child (though she leans heavily towards the latter).

Information about her is revealed slowly as the story progresses, leaving unanswered questions in the readers’ minds. On the path where she chooses to fulfill the mission, a lot of interesting worldbuilding is shown: humanity is in a war against the fish-men, who have killed many and taken their children hostage. She has lost her daughter as part of this war. When she discovers her daughter’s ribbon, choosing to rummage for it leads to an emotional yet healing scene. The fish-men attack before she can mourn. She grapples with guilt, thinking it is fitting she dies with her daughter, as she failed to protect her.

“Is avenging her worth your life?”—I like how this is isolated in its own paragraph to showcase its significance.

Only then, as the protagonist is saved from near-death by a wall, preparing to kill every one of them at the cost of her own life, she chooses to question this misbelief. “She was only seven years of age when they took her. She wouldn't have wanted this.” Although she has spent much of her life believing this, she finally realizes how her motivation is flawed. So instead dying for her daughter and bringing more death in the process, she vows to live for her instead. It’s a really sweet ending, though my only nitpick is that her character development occurs a bit too rapidly. It seems more like a split second decision than a transformation that takes place over the course of the story.

On the other branch, the fight scene is written well, maintaining a suspenseful tone and a growing sense of dread. The protagonist gets really close to surviving. Yet, she ultimately ends up as dead as the fish-men she killed.

Moving onto the vengeance path. This is where the prose shines with descriptive language, making even abstract concepts like death and love and religion feel so…real. It adds depth to the protagonist and her view of these matters. She appears to be somewhat depressed, consumed by her hurt and hatred, obsessed with a goal which she believes would make things right. The recurring motifs of the sun and darkness to represent hope and surrender is very nicely done.

Even the action scenes and their violent consequences are highly immersive. At first, her hatred for the fish-men bleeds into the description of them, from their unintelligible tongue to their deformed appearance. And when she’s injured, the protagonist sees the droplets of blood as rubies on her daughter’s necklace. Then she fights back. The protagonist relishes in the carnage, her feet gliding against the blood, her mind imagining the slit throats as bright red smiles. It’s dark and deadly but beautiful, in a haunting sort of way.

In one of the scenes, the protagonist’s abusive husband is mentioned. This likely explains part of her self-blaming nature, as he is depicted to have abused her while making it seem like her fault. Oh, and it's inferred she killed him. It's interesting how she recognises that her judgment is crowded, yet continues to act based on this. This is a good example of how characters can only live according to their own beliefs, no matter how flawed, as that is all they know.

As such, she is too distracted by her thoughts to see the fish-man, and ends up a tragic antihero. In a way, it's a corruption arc. Her own misguided values led her to this death. The last glimmer of sunlight is hidden away behind the clouds forever. And here, she realizes that Sargon's carelessness is every bit as much to blame for the attack as she was. It is thematic that the last word she hears is her daughter's name.

In the other branch, the protagonist loses control as she kills numerous fish-men, only to be stopped by one last one. As she's pinned down, it's the voice of her daughter who reminds her to get up. This contrasts the branch where thinking of her daughter reminds her that she would never have wanted her mother to lose her life in this quest for vengeance. That scene implies that in the current ending, the protagonist succumbs to delusions, wanting nothing more than to hear from her daughter, hence she imagines her voice as if she has grown. This thought comforts her as she dies. The conversation with the fish-man was fascinating too, as it shows how they view humans as food (ironic given the inverse occurred at the start).

Ultimately, this storygame is quite well-written and I enjoyed how it explores complex themes such as grief and guilt, and the lengths one would go to in order to avenge a loved one.

I meant to review this storygame quite a while ago, but better late than never, I guess. So if there’s one thing that can be called Typewriter’s trademark, it’s the brutal, gory, ultraviolence. This story felt like a slasher movie where you’re the monster killing monsters. If that appeals to you, give it a read. It’s not too long after all.

Speaking of the length, I do think the fact that it was short did work in its favor. The paragraphs are mainly fight sequences and emotional turmoil. If you like Batman, but wish he was a much more murderous woman, you’ll enjoy this gore fest for sure. I will qualify that while shocking, none of the gore really pushed into the nauseating extreme for me. I was able to eat and read at the same time without vomiting. That’s an extremely important metric for me.

I also do like the driving motivation of a mother bereft of her daughter seeking revenge. Parenthood is generally a compelling motivation, and it was slightly twisted from protective instinct into something darker without becoming totally alien to the average audience. Congratulations.

There’s really only one part of the story that bothered me at all, and that’s where you have the odd conversation with one of the fish men about your daughter. After all, why is he bothering with that when he already knows that you’re a killing machine. I suppose it’s possible that the fish men are just incredibly dumb, but other than this schmuck, they seem aggressive enough to make up for it. It seemed a little out of place, but it’s possible the deadline forced a truncated version of the reveal of the fishmen’s philosophy of death and the hereafter.

All in all, it was definitely entertaining. It may not be that meaty or meaningful from a story perspective, but it was quick, brutal, and fun. Sometimes that’s all you really need. Personally, although I am aware that it was not intended as the main route, my favorite path was the one where you stick to the mission and die clearing the sector. What can I say, I’m a good little sheep like that.

Anyway, congratulations Typewriter on making your contest entry incredibly entertaining.

Wow that was pretty cool. Could have been longer though, but hey what a ride it has been.

I wish she took the time to prepare the sushi properly before eating. 0/10

Ah, a nice revenge story.

This was well written and entertaining and made good use of imagery. I liked the story, and I think vengeance provides a good motivation for all the carnage.

Well, I died. Try as I might I played this game with a degree of straightforwardness.

Maybe I should have been more prudent. The writing’s good, so cheers.

If there is one thing that makes me queasy, it's an image of organs spilling out of your body. I was doing fine for most of the whole story, but the part where you see yourself from an outside POV getting shredded really made me uncomfortable.

But I've always been taught that if a story can make you feel something, then it's a good story.

This is an excellent entry to the Fishin' Contest, and an excellent addition to the horror genre. Nicely done, Typecat. :)

Vivid and potent.
The story is difficult to 'get' unless you read all the paths. This doesn't detract much from the story.
If any improvement were to be made, it would be to make the storygame itself longer (perhaps extend the one surviving path?), but otherwise very good job.
Another descriptive, grisly horror story, as is to be expected from TypeCat.

Some really well done, intense bits of writing. The internal dialogue goes on a bit long and starts to lose focus in some places, and I would have appreciated a few more choices to break up the longer segments, but it's a very cool concept for a story that puts you right in the action and inside the protagonist's mind.

TCat really does seem to like these protagonists dwelling obsessively on someone else's death.

Interesting examination of loss and grief, and very brutal fishing techniques. Well written and poignant.