Player Comments on You and Lee

I think this was a little bit too random for my taste.


* There were a lot of things left unexplained;
(Who the heck is David Lee? What the heck is Drano? Who the heck is Olivia? What the heck is even happening?)
It's just really confusing.
(Unless you were going for a funny random type story. But you should've clarified this in the description since I thought I was going to have a serious story.)

* The choices didn't matter AT ALL. Except for the last 2 'choice' pages, your story will still be the same. (There was even one link where it sends you back to the page before it and you have no choice but to choose the other option)

* What was up with the endings? I mean, choose the smaller package you get 'leep stick' (or was it 'leep gloss'?); Choose the bigger package and you get a thong with Daniel Lee's face on it. (I'm guessing the character has some kind of crush on Daniel Lee?) And supposedly, the package you didn't choose will go to 'the fallen student' and seeing as that student was the 6'5 guy (Well,I'm presuming it was that guy; You didn't really say it was him exactly) I don't see how any of the items will benefit him (aside from the fact that he is well, dead (Well, I'm not entirely sure since you just said 'fallen')) unless he has a thing for 'leep gloss' and Daniel Lee...?

Your grammar was decent though, I'll give you that. But maybe you should have added some kind of back story, like, How did you meet David Lee? Why are people turning gray? Who was the 6'5 (or something like that) guy?
Not knowing what the heck is happening will be a big turn-off to a lot of readers.

There were a lot of one link pages, and I still don't knoe who David Lee is.

I was very confused... Scratch that: I still am very confused.

This was deliciously random. The thong ending was a nice touch.

I got a thong.......yay?

David Lee fetish is becoming a thing here...

But not to me. Who the farking quarks is Lee, and just how did I get to be so drooled up over this guy? And the monster, how did he start in the first place? So many random, unexplained things. But Drano ices the cake. What, who, whatever is Drano?

In short, too random indeed to be a good story. I do understand some stories do this random thing, but in a way which makes it pretty acceptable, but to this, not at all.

Grammar, though, is spit-and-polish clean and sparkly. At least you did not fail on that.

So, it's a bit more fun than my calculus-witchcraft quantum statistics essay on formulae homework. 4/8.

Amazing

What?! One word: WEIRD!!! Not a bad story. Kinda funny.

Ehhh, not very interesting and super confusing. Needs a little back story too.

This was quite a entertaining ride, I don't think further elaboration is even needed, umm but I quite liked this.

I felt like the 'Drano' could've been better explained.

That....was....that.

Hate this story so much

It started of well, but unfortuantely the standard of writing drops off in the middle and the story was difficult to follow.

Try reading your story back yourself and correcting it so it makes more sense from the reads perspective

SO WIERD!!! Really, was the thong needed? HA! Really though, I was NOT expecting there to be giant poop monsters. FRIGGIN GIANT POOP MONSTERS!!!

Really? Thong? So I was like "Oh No I'm peeing my own crush?"
6/8

Pretty cool. I liked it.

It was pretty ok, but not really my style. 4/8

Not bad. Could use more set up so we have a better idea of what is going on. I'm still a little confused on some details, not even about the monster! Why were people turning grey exactly? The monster IS involved somehow correct?

I saved him

I had no idea what was going on, especially since you failed to explain to the readers as to what the girl knew about this David person, and so forth.

Throw in some background story, for Christ's sake.

I'm glad that people who don't know who David Lee is like this.

Strong work

Well done :)

i liked the story well done

Holy shit Miranda, you are perfect.