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The Tavern Tale

5 years ago

The door to the inn opened as more light filled the noisy room. In that sea of noise made by drunkards and the random worker, barely anyone paid any mind to their new visitor.

Moregaw Inn is a noisy little tavern owned by an ex-thief, which happens to be my uncle.

“Eh, didn't think Edwick's son would come here.” Mentioned a man with a large fur coat standing by the bar. “Children should be playing with their wooden swords.”

“You know i want to hear one of your stories, Uncle Edward.” I jest as i approach one of the empty stools. “Those cunts don't know how to play anyway.”

“Fine, just le–” Ed is interrupted by one of the customers, a tall man wearing a green robe. “How can i help you?”

“I'd like a small room for the night.” Comes his deep voice. If he wanted to sound dangerous, he succeeded.

“O’ course, sir, here are the keys to 201.” Answers Uncle Ed, as he fetches the mentioned keys from the rack behind him. “It's thirty bardens the night.”

“Fine.” The customer hands a small bag to Edward and takes the keys from the owner before making his way upstairs.

“Now that this is done, m'boy. Let me tell you a story…” He trails off for a bit before asking “Do you know about the war between Galaebard and Outremes?”

“We invaded them last year with a much smaller army, didn't we?” I ask, a bit uncertain. I never cared much about wars.

“Yes, King Alan happened to be a mad lad. Said he wanted some glory.” He chuckles. “Fucking nobles, always after some meaningless shit.”

“Ah, this ought to be an interesting one” The innkeeper says before continuing his story.

Once upon a time, some mad king wanted glory and land across the channel, as all of them do. He decided, thus, to rally his troops around Westshire for his campaign.

Our story starts at this moment, when an innocent young man leaves his family and wife behind to join the levies. Possibly because he had no fucking choice. This unlucky man is called William, born from a honey tongued fuck from the south.

It turns out William was pretty good with bows, especially the long ones. He used to hunt with his brother Roger for the bardens when the price was right.

“What happened to Roger?” I ask.

“Dead. The idiot picked a fight with the local lumberjack.” He leans closer and whispers, conspiratorily. “Turns out he impregnated the guy's sister.”

William thus joined the archers. It is now that his path as a soldier begins.

Alan's army at the time enjoyed free movement through the sea after a decisive naval victory against Outremer at the Channel. This meant Alan could go on the offensive in foreign land with the sea protecting him. And being the bastard he was, he couldn't resist getting some plunder. Hell, i can't say i don't understand him.

So, our hero embarks with the remaining soldiers on what remained of the navy. Onwards to the city of Haen, a small galaebarden city on the flendesian coast. A rather unremarkable city aside from the growing wool trade.

Here, the army camps before the march to the south. And it is here the archer levies he belongs to listen to the sergeant's instructions.

“Alright, people. Scouts have already reported a big outreme force coming north to intercept His Majesty's army.” Says the armored man to the troops assembled before continuing. “King Alan said we are to take the front row along with the other archers while the infantry and cavalry guard the flanks.”

“What madness is this?” Shouts one of the soldiers near William, a rather handsome fellow. “If those outremer cavalry reaches us, we're doomed!”

“If they come, you can shoot them down from distance.” The sergeant shakes his head. “This is precisely why Alan requested longbowmen.”

“That’s right!” One of the youngest, maybe fifteen years old encourages the crowd. As with any army, they clinged to morale and hope.

“Sounds like a bunch of cowards to me, these fucking pussies.” I remarked, unimpressed with the soldiers my uncle described to me.

“You're a bad influence to the boy, Eddie.” Jested a random drunkard between sips.

“Hey, this is quality teaching here.” Uncle Ed throws a wooden mug at the spectator before continuing. “Where was i?”

The following morning, the army marched southwards, towards a city called Renoi. There, Alan's army would meet the Outremer's in battle.

The galaebarden, having arrived before their enemies, chose to position.

If i recall correctly, at the time King Alan had positioned the longbowmen at the front row, guarded by a series of stakes he had made his soldiers cut down before. It was a fucking nightmare, cutting that down.

“How do you know what it was like?” I ask, surprised by the last commentary.

“Eh, just a slip of the tongue.” He continues. “Cutting all of these stakes down must've been difficult.”

Anyway, he placed the stakes to cover the archers while positioning his cavalry and infantry to cover the flanks. There stood proudly William and his handsome friend, ready to slaughter some outremer pieces of shit.

It was a pleasant afternoon, when a massive army of the Kingdom of Outremer arrived. William counted so many knights and infantrymen. There were also whispers of a retinue of kenavese crossbowmen joining the fray.

That King Charles was a massive asshole, i'll tell you.

The battle started with a roar as Charles order a cavalry charge. The galaebarden longbowmen were anxious, but their commanders ordered them to hold. It was still a while before they got in range.

So they waited…

And soon, the front row of Alan's army erupted in a giant arrow rain. The projectiles seemed unstoppable. Indeed, the first charge disintegrated in a mess of mangled horses and dead knights.

It was proven that they could stand against Outremer knights.

Charles must've been very irritated. He sounded a second charge and sent the kenavese crossbowmen just behind.

Alan still maintained the line he had formed initially. The second wave of knights were almost destroyed like the first before turning and fleeing.

The kenavese, however, were held in place. While their large, metallic shields could hold against galaebarden arrows easily, they couldn't get close enough to shoot thanks to the superior firing range of the longbows. They were thus locked in place against the centre-right of Alan's army.

The third charge was sounded, and a blind foreign monarch, of Czerle if i recall correctly, charged along with his private retinue of armored knights and outremer nobles.

This one focused entirely into the right flank, safe from attacks of the left portion of the Galaebarden army. As the archers attention was placed in the kenavese, Alan sent the right flank's cavalry forward.

Those were getting overwhelmed quickly, and it seemed that skirmish would break into a complete rout.

Alan had to hold the line, and hold the line the bloody bastard did.

The galaebarden king charged along with the entire left flank cavalry to hold the outremer back. But that would prove useless as the right flank cavalry was fleeing.

The enemy cavalry targeted the nearest archers now, and those, lightly armed and armored, proved to be uncapable of resisting.

The right flank was wavering. The battle could turn into a complete rout before the left flank could regroup, and the kenavese would be free to move if the centre-right was tied down by cavalry.

At that moment, when the dying screams of a teenager filled the air and the sergeant of William's retinue lied dead on the mud, it seemed it was all over.

Until Alan's charge finally met the blind king's. The momentum of his own cavalry evened the odds. The fighting was hard, nonetheless. Alan himself was in the thick of the fighting, desperately trying to hold the enemy whom outnumbered him by such a large margin.

“Do you think your brother could take care of the tavern for a couple of days?” Uncle Ed interrupts the story. He looks pensive.

“Yeah, sure. He's been looking for a job for a while now.” I raise one of my eyebrows at the sudden question, but leave it at that.

As i was saying, the fighting was hard. The King of Czerle outnumbered Alan and had by far the best cavalry, but Alan's efforts were not wasted.

William sprung forward, calling for the help of his shaken colleagues. Perhaps it was simply his bravery, or perhaps his deep voice that had conquered their hearts. Regardless of reasons, William's retinue reorganized around the stacks and prepared themselves.

The first volley reached the enemy at such a close range, not even the heaviest armor could save them. Any small motivation the outremer army had with their kills disappeared with the second, and they retreated past the kenavese.

Leaving the foreign retinues to be slaughtered by the entirety of Alan's army, which had reorganized at this point. Charles was nowhere to be seen.

By this time, Alan himself had marched to find William. The king didn't look quite majestic filled with blood.

“If it weren't for you, we would be dead by now.” He says, his breathing betraying his exhaustion. “How can i reward you, peasant?”

“Your Majesty.” William kneels. “I would like a plot of land to take good care of my family and make sure they have a good life.”

“Your own farm, then?” William nods in response. “Very well, follow me to my tent.”

It was at that time that William had received a decree allowing ownership of a rather large plot of land in Westshire.

Over the next few weeks, a few more inconsequential skirmishes happened. A peace treaty had been signed in galaebarden favor, with the annexation of several counties south.

The levies had been disbanded, and William and his colleagues returned home to procceed with their lives.

There, William found out his wife and children had died from the plague. So he wandered the roads back to Westshire, to tend to his new lands. That's when he found an old acquaintance.

“Long time no see!” Approached that handsome fellow he had met at the campaign. “I heard you've been through harsh times.”

“Yes, my wife passed away to a better place.” His colleague hugged him in response, the plague had been harsh on everyone.

“Thanks, but i happen to be travelling to Westshire.” William continues, taking some distance from his colleague. “You wouldn't happen to know a good place to rest, do you?”

“Actually, there is one nearby.”

“And that's it.” Edward stops. “A decent story, don't you think?”

“I guess?” I answer, somewhat disappointed at the anticlimactic ending. “But what happened to William?”

“Oh, he's sleeping right now.” He says before asking a question of his own. “Could you call your brother to take care of the inn right now? I need to meet my provider urgently.” He smiles as he looks at me. “The travel could take some days.”

“Of course.” I answer as Uncle Ed walks through the door. I get up and walk away too, before i notice something.

Strangely enough, there seems to be a big piece of paper on the right pocket of his fur coat.

A parchment?

The Tavern Tale

5 years ago

I liked it, the story was good and interesting kept me engaged till the end. Especially loved the ending nice twist! Nothing wrong with grammar or formatting; overall a nice short story.

The Tavern Tale

5 years ago
I posted all this on Discord, and only later realized that I should've done it here instead. So I'm reposting this here, so others can learn from the author's mistakes ... ah, who am I kidding? Nobody ever does that.

A few general notes:

  • You chose to use different fonts instead of quotation marks for the storytelling, which I find wrong and annoying.
  • You wrote in past tense where it should've been present, and vice versa.
  • If the sentence doesn't end when the dialogue does, then the dialogue should finish with a comma, not a period.
  • I found your description of the battle boring.
  • Brazil should be nuked.

And here are a few more mistakes that you made. Not all of them, of course, otherwise this post would be endless.

“Ah, this ought to be an interesting one” The innkeeper says before continuing his story. - You explained this one in the Discord already, but I still find it strange that Ed would compliment his own story.

“Turns out he impregnated the guy's sister.” - Is it just me, or does anyone think impregnated sounds a bit too formal?

“If those outremer cavalry reaches us, we're doomed!” - Those is used for multiple things, so you can't use it along with reaches. You could change it to that or the.

I still think that Ed shouldn't have mentioned that he made that cowardly comment ... erm, I mean not he, that handsome soldier. Gotta paint him in a good light.

“That’s right!” One of the youngest, maybe fifteen years old encourages the crowd. As with any army, they clinged to morale and hope. - Missing comma before old. Cling is an irregular verb, cling clung clung. This is just one of the many examples where you decided to switch tenses.

“How do you know what it was like?” I ask, surprised by the last commentary. - Nothing wrong with this one grammatically. But damn, poor kid. He must've been dropped on the head plenty of times. This war was just a year ago, so of course the uncle would've had to be a soldier too. And how would he know all these details otherwise?

"The king didn't look quite majestic filled with blood." - Missing comma. Filled with blood sounds strange. Covered, perhaps?

"Strangely enough, there seems to be a big piece of paper on the right pocket of his fur coat." - I need to check when paper actually came to Europe, but pretty sure this's before that, so it'd be parchment.

Thank you for writing a story, I'd love to read more from you in the future. See? Hell was good for you. Don't struggle so much next time.