It has to be a detailed and helpful critique of the game. For example, this is a comment I would not consider for featuring;
"I didn't like this story very much because it was boring, and not very entertaining. There were many problems with grammar within it, and the characters were not very detailed."
While it is a helpful review, it doesn't tell why the story wasn't very entertaining, nor what the grammar problems were. It also doesn't tell the author how things could be improved. This is a better example
"I didn't like this story very much, and these are the reasons why.
-It felt rushed, and a bit too short. The brevity of your story didn't provide enough time for the important things like character and plot development. This was very apparent in the pacing and the lack of fleshed out characters in your story.
Let's address the pacing first. It felt like you were throwing disjointed events at me; this happened, then this happened, and finally this happened. It was very confusing. You also described in excess detail the uninteresting scenes, while almost skipping over the exciting parts. No one really wants to read two paragraphs on what the protagonist was wearing, but reading about the death of her mother could definitely have been expanded upon. In action scenes, such as when the main character was running away from Damien, I noticed your sentences got shorter, and there was a very glaring lack of details or descriptions on what was happening. "I ran." is not enough.Also, about the part where her mother dies...No one would be like "Oh, my mom is dead. Time to go grab some food and go back to school", especially if the main character was really that attached to her mother.As well as this, most of your sentences felt forced and repetitive. You don't need three adjectives to describe one shirt.
You were also using magnaminous wrong, since magnaminous means someone who is kind and charitable, not big.
Now, let's address the plot of the story. Frankly, it was a very confusing mess, and I couldn't understand anything. I also noticed several subplots that were introduced, but none of them were wrapped up or resolved in any way, nor were they mentioned again even in passing after their introductions. What happened to Mary? Who was the "shady-looking man"? Etc.
Also, another problem was the ever-changing plot. At the beginning, I thought she was supposed to look for the elixir that could save her mother, but after her mother died, apparently she was looking for the demon that cursed her mother to die to save her mother's soul? You never mentioned the demon earlier, nor that the mother was cursed. You have to make sure you introduce each element of the story in a believeable and reasonable way. You can't just have "and she knew, because...PLOT."
Now, enough about the plot. Characterization...
Your characters were flat and boring, and I could not relate or feel anything for any of them.
The bad guy was bad because "he wanted to be bad." The tiny bits where they had actual dialogue, or where it was their POV had as much emotion and characterization as a rock.
A few gems I liked was,"I like souls." and "She had to die." Because well...that's literally all the external/internal dialogue you had for the MAIN ANTAGONIST. If you don't see what is wrong with that, I think you need to practice a bit more.
The main protagonists were very flat as well. While you did a better job with them, they were ultimately still flat and stereotypical. They mostly sounded the same ...none of them really had a distinct "voice". They had no depth. No fears or dreams. And there's no character arc. They're also not consistent. You tried to make Taylor seem calm and collected at the beginning, yet she sporadically becomes hyper and aggressive?
Try to keep your characters consistent.
In terms of flow, your sentences were either too simplistic ("She ran.") or too wordy and stiff. It felt like you were trying to impress us with your knowledge, but you consistently used words incorrectly.
There was a lot of awkward and obvious info dumping, that you didn't even try to disguise as anything else.
Grammarwise, it was mostly okay. Though again, you used a lot of words wrong, and there's only so many times you can use "and" in one sentence.
My time's running short, so I'll wrap this up.
Overall, I thought this was awkward and confusing. The idea behind it wasn't very original, and your writing was poor. Your plots werent even satisfactorily resolved at the end, and its not very clear what the plot was...
Please try harder next time."
The second comment was obviously much better and more in depth. It details what is wrong with the story/storygame, and then it gives pointers on how to improve it.
I hope this helped ^_^
