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Got a favorite storygame? Can't beat The Wal*Mart Game? If you're here to play storygames, this is the forum for you.

Feedback wanted!

2 years ago

Hey.   I know all of my storygames have been crap and have all been taken down so far, so I wanted to get some feedback on a new storygame I'm making. If you like it, I'll keep working on it. If you don't, I'll take it down and work on something else. Suggestions are welcome!

Feedback wanted!

2 years ago

Which one is it?

Feedback wanted!

2 years ago

The school massacre. (What? I've been playing FNaF lately.)

Feedback wanted!

2 years ago
Well, to start with, your title is misspelled, and not capitalized.

Seeking feedback is a good instinct but best done either before you publish your unfinished story, or after you finish it.

e: Reading the 700 words you have...hmm, wow.

It is third period, and you are doing *ugh* calculus. You are about 3 minutes into the period when the loudspeaker booms "ATTENTION STUDENTS! YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN FOR A SACRIFICE TO THE TEACHER GODS!!!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!!! YOUR FAMILIES HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED." Holy crap! Your teacher, Mr Chainsaw, Pulls out from under his desk (guess what?) a CHAINSAW. The whole class begins to scream but is drowned out by the 500 horsepower-wait, WHAT? 500 horse power? More like 5000!!!!!!!

I...I could give a few suggestions here, yes. But the scope of those are a bit beyond what I have time for just now.

First, have you tried reading the first page of any story rated above a 4, and comparing it to this one?

Feedback wanted!

2 years ago

um.... no

Feedback wanted!

2 years ago

Well, it seems that my storygame was unpublished. Guess it wasn't good enough. crying

Feedback wanted!

2 years ago
Other issues aside, it was a 700 word blurb that went nowhere that you openly acknowledged was unfinished? Not really a surprise.

Feedback wanted!

2 years ago

 It was unfinished, had terrible grammar, used too many exclamation marks and too many capital letters. There was no character development, and the plot was out of control starting at the very first page. The setting had no effort put into it, and the story itself also had a mere 699 words. 

Of course it was unpublished.