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The Blue Blur: Sneak Peak by Doodler

10 days ago

Introduction

That one day, everything had changed. Our hero did too. It was ever since that day, that nobody could've looked up to him no longer. That day was a normal, expectional day. It was Eggman up to his schemes again, trapping birds in his robotic pods. Don't underestimate Eggman, as he had a trick up his sleeve.

Sonic and Tails dashed among the clean and refreshing run through the grass, flowers and palm trees of the green hills. " Do you think that Eggman never thinks of new ideas, I mean, all he ever does is robotizize everyone." Tails asked while the wind tried to force them to stop.

"I mind that" Sonic concentrated on his sneakers. " Really, I seem bored with him sometimes." Tails tried to keep up with his Bush's incredible speed that almost knocked him down. " I'm not complaining. Eggman always amuses me how stupid his plans can be. Plus, he's an easy guy to deal with."

Sonic's arms opened wide, and the wind blow harder, and them both dashed even faster. " Look! There's a caterkiller!" Sonic stopped immediately, and Tails tried to grip on the rocks and dirt he ran for so long on. " Do you think Eggman uses actual metal, because these robots are pretty easy to destroy." " Maybe not, Tails" Sonic charged some energy, which almost shocked Tails. Sonic leaped into the air, and all the sparks he generated boosted him up into the Caterkiller.
" How do you do that Sonic?" It's just some effect after I used those choas emeralds a lot."

Sonic and Tails continued on their jog, feeling relaxed and happy to just be able to run and express their love to do so. "Mmm, do you like it out here Sonic?" " There's nothing bad about it. How about you stop asking me questions for a while." They came across a row of moter bugs.

" Tails, how about you show me what YOU can do. " " Okay." Tails' tails started to propeller, and all the grass that surrounded tails started to fly out. Tails jumped onto the moterbugs. " Great! " Bunches of robots exploded into pieces and parts, small enough to think of them as cystal. " Really, Sonic? Not as good as you."

Tails felt unconfident saying that, and Sonic knew too, but Sonic had no comment. " Look out!" Sonic said abruptly. Tails flew into the air, and Sonic picked up steam to figure out what was happening. It was a GIANT CHICKEN ROBOT WITH HOMING MISSELS AND EGG BOMBS. " What the check is that, robotnik!? " Yelled Sonic with all his might. " I feel so illuminated, the only time I want you to call me Eggman, but nope! This chicken was part of the joke!" Eggman pouted. " Anyways, like any Villian would do, I will take over Mobioud and start using my new, high-tech computer chips so all my robots would have a intelligence of a god, HaHaHa!" Eggman laughed diobolically " More like the iq of an egg." Sonic laughed in joy. " I hate your jokes. But like I was saying, I will shoot homing missels at you now!" Eggman pushed the button. " Sorry, but didn't need the headstart, and plus, your suppose to show and not tell what your doing." Sonic started to run fast, and go towards the robot-chicken. Many egg shaped missels were getting shot, but it wasn't locked on yet.

" Are you really that bad at being bad - Oh my god - TAILS!" Sonic tried to warn Tails, but he was too high in the clouds to hear. " Thank you for the advice, and, he's going to stay up there." Eggman grinned like his plan was working out perfectly. Sonic didn't know what to do. " hhhhhhhh" Sonic breathed heavily. Sonic looked around and saw a spring nearby. Sonic avoided all the egg clone robots that dropped out of the back of the robot, and jumped onto the spring. " Tails - I'll save you!." Eggman smiled that gave Sonic horror in his eyes.

Think this might be good enough to make a actual story out of? Terrible? I'll try to make this a CYOA, it's just hard when all my ideas don't translate to that, but then again, it's Sonic. A game. So I would try to make this a CYOA. All rights to SEGA.

 

 

The Blue Blur: Sneak Peak by Doodler

10 days ago

Well, it's good to know you're serious about making a storygame :)

The Blue Blur: Sneak Peak by Doodler

10 days ago

Agreed.

The Blue Blur: Sneak Peak by Doodler

9 days ago

This could become the new Eternal or Necromancer. Whaddya think?

The Blue Blur: Sneak Peak by Doodler

9 days ago

All I can say is that it sounds like an interesting Fan Fic.

The Blue Blur: Sneak Peak by Doodler

5 days ago
Doodler, you are now my favorite person on the site. Please keep writing and posting more of these.

The Blue Blur: Sneak Peak by Doodler

5 days ago
Commended by JJJ-thebanisher on 1/16/2017 8:23:19 PM

Be sure to start a new paragraph every time dialogue switches between characters. Here's an example:

"Tails, how about you show me what YOU can do."

"Okay."

Also, don't put spaces between the dialogue tags and the dialogue, I fixed these in my example above. Other than that, there are some grammar and spelling errors ("Sonic's arms opened wide, and the wind blew harder, and they both dashed even faster."), and some tense and punctuation problems ("Anyways, like any villain would do, I will take over Mobioud and start using my new, high-tech computer chips so all my robots will have a intelligence of a god, hahaha!"). Be sure to run this through word or other programs with spell and grammar checks in them, as well as manually proofreading them.