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Toss around ideas and brainstorm your story.

New storygame in progress

23 days ago

In progress of writing a storygame here's the link:

Check it out and let me know your thoughts, thanks.

New storygame in progress

23 days ago

Oh and also had a doubt, how strict is this site with things like swearing and adult content? Is it permissible to post something like that or would it result in consequences to a ban?

New storygame in progress

23 days ago
Swearing is fine, porn is not.

New storygame in progress

23 days ago

K thanks.

New storygame in progress

22 days ago
Commended by mizal on 11/26/2018 5:06:21 AM

What is a slightly overweight chemistry loving nerd doing exploring mountains on a holiday!

Jokes aside, I have to ask if you have any idea on how to use variables? As it is, I hope so, because some of the choices that are currently missing their counterparts could be added rather easily by just having them set a variable to a corresponding number, and then, as needed, having on page scripting show slightly different text or unlock specific choices based on the previous ones.

I mention this because I worry that you will be having a lot of near identical pages otherwise, which can be a real pain to work with. However, this is all assumptions because there was not one choice that I could make at the time of reading. As such, I cannot really comment much more regarding that, but I will say that it definitely looks and feels like there will be choices, plenty of them actually, which is why I mentioned variables and on page scripting (since it can make things a lot easier). This depends on how you want to handle choices and all tho.

Anyway, back to criticism, where is my phone? Or did I not bring it? I can imagine that signal might be bad, but would it really be nonexistent? I don't know how remote this mountain place is, but they have guides and stuff, so it can't be THAT remote, right? I'm know very little about mountains/hiking/trekking, but I did want to mention this just in case.

I do wonder how long it'll take for my disappearance to be noticed, seeing as it would make for horrible press to lose someone who you are supposed to be guiding.

Also, waiting for a rescue team or trekking eighty miles, what has the better chances of survival in the real world (or I should say, what is the better choice)? I wonder, since I don't know. I'm lazy so I assume waiting, but I guess it depends on the quality of the guide. Is it just some random person trying to scam foreigners for money? I am here on a holiday after all... so I might just starve to death if I wait... that'd be an interesting twist, but it would be coming out of nowhere, as the guide hasn't really been talked about or introduced as a character (or maybe I just missed some obvious hint, but I don't think so).

Anyway, moving on, why would I choose to make a lean to shelter when I have an outdoor tent with me? Am I unable to unfold it? I thought it survived the fall.

Finally, "the cliche golden colored sky of the sunset" triggers me, because I do not think the sun setting and thus causing the sky to supposedly change colour is a cliche. Walking into a sunset during the happy ending of a story I could consider a cliche, but just a sun setting? But, err, it doesn't really trigger me, but I do mention this because it stands out to me (but maybe it shouldn't).

Also, when I said finally, I lied.

Choosing a dominant trait and character gender hasn't been mentioned by me, so I'll do that now. Know that depending on if those choices end up mattering or not, the story could end up being quite big. As such, I'd advise ignoring those elements for the moment, unless you really want them added in, in which case add the necessary on page script + variables early (so that it's easier).

Anyway, the reason I advise dropping them is because they can add a considerable amount of work for relatively little gain. Plenty of people will only see one 'path', so focusing your effort to make the major trait the character has stand out could be a better way to go about it. As for a gender choice, it just seems pointless, as it usually doesn't matter, but I will grant you that including it doesn't really detract from the story or anything, I just tend to have a preference towards preconstructed characters (but that's totally preference).

Really, what I'm trying to say is, think about if having the choices will lead to a better finished story, or if not having them will. This depends on what sort of storygame you're going for, and it could just be preference, but I still felt it worth mentioning since scope tends to be an important thing to keep in mind (as generally, you want to finish your stories).

As for the writing, I like it. The way it was written was interesting to me, since comparing it to the way I write, it is different. Obviously, this doesn't mean it's bad, it's not bad, and if I had to guess, I'd say I liked it because it fit together nicely (or better than my general writing).

Also, the story progressed pretty quickly as well (as it should, since you'd want to get us to the scenario without wasting time) but you did also manage to divulge plenty of information. I do not know how the pacing and flow would work out further in, since there seem to be a lot more choices cropping up, some that seem optional (i.e. making the splint) which could lead to a lot of branching, which can make the flow harder to maintain, so don't forget about it!

Also, don't forget to proofread when you've got it all written up. I like to mention this almost every time. Another thing I like to mention almost every time is: write more! To my untrained eyes, you seem to be on the right track, so keep writing (as you can)!

I liked the writing style, curious about how you'll handle choices, and keep writing!

P.S. I now realise that you asked for thoughts. So while yes, these are more thoughts, they are structured more in a 'giving feedback' sorta way, which might not be what you wanted. If that's the case, feel free to tell me and I'll try to... fix it. Similarly, if it is feedback that you want, asking about more specific things can lead to more in depth feedback being provided. Writing is a pretty complex thing, so there is heaps to talk to about, which means you might get stuck with feedback that doesn't help you as much if you ask for general things.

New storygame in progress

21 days ago

Thanks for the detailed input, appreciate it. Yeah, it's fine I was expecting more of a feedback. I think I'll reduce the choices a bit as the scripting part sounds tedious to do and such. But let's see how it plays out.

New storygame in progress

20 days ago
I'd advise making another storygame to just mess around with the editor in. The scripting I'm proposing is more base level stuff (just sounds cool when phrased as on page scripting with variables), the point of scripting is to help mitigate the tediousness.

Here, I'll try to explain it.
You'd be using variables to track stuff, so for the first page, imagine a variable called %SKILL.
Then on the first page's links, you can click the ± (blue plus-minus icon) next to the link, and then choose a number for %SKILL to be set to. Have each choice set it to a different number.
That way, 1 could mean intellect, 2 strength, 3 dexterity, or whatever else you have planned.

You can then use the variable to lock or unlock choices depending on their trait, so say if they have intellect, they will be given an extra choice on the next page (as an example). You do this by clicking the red stop sign icon next to the link you want the restriction on, then find the variable %SKILL, and set it to the number that corresponds to the trait you want by choosing equal to (=).

And finally, if you want text to be different on a page because of their trait (or whatever other choice), you can use on page scripting to just display different chunks of text depending on the variable. Such as %%SKILL%=%1%"I'm smart."%%.
Note that you can stack different number checks for the same variable next to each other, i.e. %%SKILL%=%1%"Textbook answer,"%%%%SKILL%=%2%"Punch it,"%%.

Anyway, wanting to keep the story more streamlined rather than utilising any scripting is also fine, and will likely lead to less work, but I still wanted to mention all this since I do consider it to be rather useful (even if you choose to not touch it for this story).

Scripting + variables are easier to use than they appear, and can make certain things work that would otherwise be simply far too impractical.

Regardless, best of luck with the story.