Hundred Words.

Echo

Clutching a gift from his father, a unique gold-blue hat, Liam's gaze looks far. He failed to ascend those towers.

With hope fleeting; eyes drop.

Then he sees it, below, walls; inscriptions matching those on the dais. Of course, climbing was never going to work, but a hidden passage? Perhaps.

He descends.

These rocks looked smaller from above. Still, he only needs to navigate to the walls.

Turning a corner, a golden glint blinds; he fires.

BANG!

Hands clutch cranium, his smoking rifle discarded. A headache.

Best curl up to rest...

His victim's mangled gold-blue and red head watches.

I like to use the google 'site:chooseyourstory.com word' search feature. However, numbers as names means I can't really use them, and then Legends is too common a name, and elements aren't all that unique either.

Here is one I did find, Becoming Legend: Third Motivational Thread. (Mizal beat me to it).

It is no longer on sneak preview, and the author is MIA. Further, from my skimming, characters seem to have names, there are wraiths but no mention of wights, and your character can cast lightning, also, I feel illustrations would have been remembered...along with the combat system. Still sharing it because memory is a fickle thing, but without being able to read it, I guess it is a bit pointless.

Trying to search for a charred wight isn't bringing anything up, so I'm going to assume that wasn't the word used...although if the story is no longer published, maybe google won't find it, so I should be using the way back machine or something. (Alternatively, it is very likely that I'm just searching incorrectly, but let's not worry about that).

This is why memorable prose is important, it'll help people find your work years later!

Huh, you call it a story, but then mention chapters (which I relate to novels), so now I'm curious how large you're expecting this to be (not that it really matters). Also, you say story game at the end, so now I'm extra confused, as there is no link to it.

As such, if it is a storygame you're writing, I would have put it on sneak preview and put a link here. Although, it seems it is currently not on sneak preview (or I'm just stupid).

Other than that, I should mention that horror is not my strong suit, so I'll just list some of the general advice here:

• Tension is good!
• A sense of powerlessness is a common tool.
• Getting readers to relate and think about what they are reading will help (shocking, I know).

Horror

Scaring people with words is an interesting thing, and two general places it can come from are concept and empathy. Or at least that is what I'm thinking right now. Anyway, rather than rambling, I'll instead ask how many horror books have you read?

I know horror books exist, so seeing how other authors make stuff scary would be a good idea, at least if you truly wish to 'give people nightmares'. Also, if this is something that'll be available online, you can use jump scares! Just set a loud sound to play and hope the reader doesn't have their volume set to zero.

Jokes aside, I think high writing quality (or very purposeful writing) is necessary for horror, as otherwise the suspense/tension can just deflate, as the reader is taken out of the experience. Keeping readers immersed/engaged would thus be paramount.

Learning a bit of the technicalities of writing might help with this, such as Gower's recent article: Cumulative Sentences, Part 1.

The rhythm and structure of cumulative sentences makes you describe fully, thoughtfully, pushing you, the writer, to return to your original thought, demanding that you think about both how the sentence sounds rhythmically and how much precision of description you are offering. It sounds amazing. It has, and I am not attempting to exaggerate for effect, a hypnotic pacing if done well.

Sounds like it could be used to great effect in horror, no?

Conclusion

Maybe bump this thread on the 1st, as the contest will be over, so more people would have time to spare. However, you do say you'd like people to take a look at the first chapter, so does that mean the 84k is just the whole thing so far, or is that the first chapter length?

Regardless, for horror, I personally think hashing out the concept thoroughly, and then getting a complete draft written, which can be revised and edited later, is the way to go. This might just be me, but I find horror extra tricky to write, so I think a drafting approach makes more sense, but hey, you'll know what works for you better than I.

Huh, you said 116, the link says 115. I take it they got it wrong? I don't trust sites with pop ups telling me to let them use cookies.

If you know more about the history of your family, you could probably write a pretty interesting story about it (or even a storygame!). I find that people consider things closer to them less interesting than it would be to an outsider, but writing such a story does depend on a number of things, so I'm just mentioning it in case you never thought about it and might find it interesting.

As for music, I've used online sequencer to make unfinished garbage a few times: Online Sequencer. A fun little thing to mess around with, but from what I gather, notes cannot be 'held', so that sucks.

Because some peeps appear to be looking at this...newcomers, gaze upon the articles below!

• Minimum Site Standards for Storygames
• CYS Website Guidelines

• Dialogue Punctuation!

There are rules for dialogue punctuation, but from what I gather, they are not really taught. Further, at least one story published by this cohort had incorrect dialogue punctuation. As such, if any of you care for writing (which you probably do, considering the course name), I'd advise trying to ensure you understand this properly. Heck, even if you don't care I'd still advise learning it.

Your teacher/tutor/etc could probably teach this, but I obviously know nothing about them and the course goals, but I'm pretty sure if you want good storytelling (through writing) you want correct punctuation (or at least to have mistakes be intentional).

Regardless, if I can spread this knowledge to multiple people with one post, I'd be pretty happy.

P.S. Here is an external site that has a good deal of examples: Editor's Blog: Punctuation in Dialogue