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Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

So I am supposed to make a thread for contest entry. My game made for the Year's End Contest - Choose Your Own Prompt II. The theme was "8) This story has an original and sensible magic system, built from the ground up. The plot is up to you."

Magic is defined as the power of apparently influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces. Rather than try to find a better way to shoot fire from people's hands I went with creating a scenario where common technology of today is perceived as magic in the past. My magic system is based on having limited technology in the past. This was approved for the theme because of its "creativity" even though it is a unique take on it. There is no "magic" just future technology perceived as "magic". 
I am going for more of a funny tone with you making choices to set up lights, traps, etc. and if you fail you are either exposed as a fraud or you die. There are many depictions of Merlin thoughtout history, so I am picking two as my two main branches: the wise advisor to young King Arthur, and the demon-spawn evil sorcerer that opposes Camelot. You will make choices to put you on one of these paths and then have to survive until the end while maintaining your ruse. Good Merlin needs to guide young Arthur well and protect him with "magic" while evil Merlin needs the knights to fear his "magic" or be killed by it...

I will post a link in preview mode when I get more written. Any thoughts or advise are welcome.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago
Fair caution: Don't deal out too many deaths too quickly. You can play a little more fast and loose with them in the early game if they're well foreshadowed or a logical sequence of events though. But people don't like to see quick end game links. (And forced reset buttons generally make people see red.)

I'll also suggest that even if the "wizard" is outed as a fraud - I don't think it necessarily follows that his liege will want to kill him. The "wizard" still clearly has skills and knowledge that are valuable and known only to him.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Good points! I was going to try to make the deaths logical with basic knowledge of electricity. Something like "you put the traps in series or you put the traps in parallel" so people can tell that in series all of the traps will go off at once and make them ineffective. I also have more choices than just the wiring and quick death options. The first few choices are more like "you set a trap to try to kill the knights or you wave a flashlight in their face and scream 'I'm a mother fucking sorcerer!'" I also don't do forced resets, you would just die... the back button is there if you need it.

I haven't thought of this yet, but you have another great point. I will think about when you have built up enough trust to be outed and not killed based on suspicion. 

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/Merlin_Origins.aspx

There is a link if anyone ever wanted to read it. I am still doing this update on my phone, but I have my basic ideas and a start on one of the branches.

The first branch turned into helping Arthur become king by sharing a "prophecy". This can either be him getting Excalibur from the sword in the stone or from the Lady of the Lake. Both are pretty popular renditions of the tale, but you have to both make Excalibur seem magic based on choices, and find a way to convince Arthur that he earned the sword through the magical means you established. Once Arthur claims the sword the game might continue (on a single converged path) with him as king and you trying to earn his trust by performing magic feats. I also want to throw in Morgan Le Fay, Arthur's half sister, who is often also a sorcerer. The idea is that you can teach her the truth about your "magic" or not. Both choices will lead to different endings. I also might add some fail paths that lead to you telling Arthur the truth about your magic.

Branch number two will be more of a series of puzzles. You will use equipment in your bag to wire a trap and accidentally kill some knights. After that they come for you, assuming you are an evil sorcerer. This path is going to be more of a "if you do it right you electrocute the knights, but if you do it wrong they burn you at the stake". I might add fun variations like a path where you can kidnap Morgan Le Fay and either hold her for ransom or teach her to be a "dark witch". 

Right now I am looking at around 20,000 words with something like 6 endings where you don't die. It may expand as some paths that I planned on being deaths could be turned into a different outcome. I really like the first path (which is the sone I started), I just need to make sure it stays focused on a "magic system" and not just "King Arthur fantasy".

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Branch one is coming along well, I haven't gotten as many words out as I would like, but I think it is shaping up okay. The first opportunity for a death is well into the story (on the 4th "choice" and a few thousand words in). Right now I am having the main character build the legendary sword Excalibur with an electric fence charger. There will be three choices: one that makes it work, one that is so poorly insulated you shock yourself and die, and one that you manage to use well but gets King Arthur killed later while using the sword.

I am focusing on the sword in the stone path, but I might make you build Excalibur in both this branch and the lady in the lake one. The story would vary greatly after you put the sword together though. The sword in the stone branch is going be sort of like a puzzle. After the sword is together you have to find a way to wire an electro magnet to keep it in the stone. If you wire the sword wrong Arthur dies, but if you wire the magnet wrong someone else can pull the sword from the stone. It will be variable based and you will need to do both parts correctly to advance. I am not sure if I want to continue the story much past this before I get the other branches down. It is a good stopping point to have Arthur (actually a prince at the start of the story) take the thrown and make you his court magician. If I have time there is more to be added...

For the lady of the lake branch, I am trying to think of a way to wire something that shoots the sword out of the lake at Arthur. It is tough due to the limited size of electronics and materials the MC could have in his workbag. I might just have you place it near the lake and do something like make a trail of lights that go to it. I could have the MC tell Arthur that at night "fairies" will appear and show the true king where the sword is. I did plan on having motion sensor switches and electric timers in the bag already so he would set it off when he walked by. All I would need is a set of choices that could have you wire things wrong for a fail branch.

 

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago
What is powering this electric sword?

Have you considered other types of “magic” - like magical protection barriers that help you resist disease by not dumping your bodily excrements in the street, cleaning surgical tools, and herbal remedies?

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

They have small battery operated electric fence chargers. I may be shrinking them a bit more than what they are, but I attempt to make up for this by cutting away the case and using the internal components (the smallest ones I found are 3" by 6"). I could also change the device inside to a tazer which is much smaller and more pratical. Either way I think it would be possible to do.

The idea was to wire the capactor/leads to the tang on the sword and hide it in the hilt. This way the charge is transfered through the blade when it makes contact with someone and creates a grounding path (there would be no other ground). You fail by leaving the hilt metallic so the user gets shocked. You pass by insulating the pommel, hilt, and guard so the user is protected. I can just make it a regular sword if this is too much and remove the electric sword puzzle, the game will still work. 

I have not considered alternate types of magic much, I was going to make the other path use the electric fence charge to make an actual electric fence. This would be precieved as a "magic barrier". I could do things with medicine and medical knowledge very easily, but I am not sure how exactly I would fit that in with what I had planned. I thought of mostly combat magic, but will consider these other options.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Upate: I changed the internal device to a stun gun when I realized that the electric fence charger was 3" X 6" X 12" and thus too large. I can update the language later, but the assumption is that he used mostly the internals (not the entire device) and has it setup to not require a trigger pull. Essentially the device always is on, but the circuit is not complete until someone touches the blade and makes a path to ground.  This would be very dangerous since it would shock any conductor it touched, which comes into play later in the story.

I am also looking into adjusting my second path to be less "electric traps" and more of a situation where you start off on a bad note, but can offer "magical insight" or "magical exliers" to earn the trust of Camelot again. Something like you use a stun gun on the first knights you see and they flee, only to return later begging for your help with a sickness. You will still be "the evil sorcerer", but you will have chances to offer knowledge or treatments (for a price) to keep them from attacking you. I haven't really worked any of this out yet.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago
I like the idea of different types of "magic" in this prompt (time permitting). It could make for some neat diversity in the story. I'm just throwing out random ideas here. Maybe you can latch onto something and springboard.

1) If your story of King Arthur and the modern man is set in an actual year, your wizard could predict the future. For example if it's 1065, "Hey boys, in another year, a bastard from Normandy is going to come kill you." I'm not really sure if King Arthur has a "time" in history from the stories though. But I don't think that's particularly important.

2) He could speed up some types of developments. For example, if your story is set in a time when the Britons are still using a 2 crop rotation system, your wizard could beef them up to a three - do I hear four!? - crop rotation ... oh, and to make it work right, you have to make a big squirrel pot pie on the 5th full moon of the year and smother a village wench in old bacon grease and have her ride around town on a cow for three days.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

HA! I like it!

King Aurthur doesn't have dates in the story, but his future/story is generally known. Merlin was known for being profetic, so I was already planning on using this a bit. I can have a path that leans into it more than the others though. Right now he just uses this power to tell them about the sword in the stone or the lady of the lake (which he also has to invent to back up his lie), but there are a lot of famous events that Merlic is credited with predicting in the actual tales. Some versions even credit Arthur's birth to Merlin if I want to have the story take him a bit further back in time...

I like this idea a lot. Merlin could have some "magic oinments" like hand sanitizer or cold flu on him, while knowing random thinks like how to make natural soaps. Knowledge of crops is possible, but I am not as knowledgable in this area so the research would have to be more extensive. Other possibilities include detailed knowledge of future metalworking techniques, the city planning idea you mentioned earlier, and knowledge of general medical things like handwashing. Of course, Merlin and the reader will have fun with setting the requirements for his "magic" to work. I feel like this fits the funny tone I want more than overloading batteries to make explosions and setting up electric fences.

Imagine what a diiference even simple things like running water could make, provided you are willing to cook a fatted calf every other week and leave it in the woods near Merlins cottage while the town's blonde virgins dance around it to keep the magic going. I'll work on it.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago
You can get all you need on the 3 crop rotation in about 10 minutes with a Google search. It's a simple concept to learn.

The base idea is, instead of planting half your field and leaving the other half fallow (2 crop rotation), only 1/3 lays fallow any given year. You switch between rye or wheat, peas or lentils or beans, and fallow. The idea behind crop rotation is to preserve the quality of the soil nutrients. Obviously, less fallow land means more food. More food means less dead people, more labor, and more money.

For this type of story, you shouldn't have too get much more detailed than - do this - alakazam - and more food each year without destroying future harvests!

EDIT: History lesson - no corn in Europe before stealing it from 'merica.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Good to know! I might use this idea. I am thinking about having them come to you with like three or four probelms, of which you can only fix one. Each one will need a puzzle to go with it so there is a possibility of you failing. Maybe for this specific one you have to pick what two crops to plant (picking two types of beans wold deplete the soil), or also suggesting they switch from oxen to horses to plow the fields to make it more efficient so they can pull it off. I am not sure yet, but it seems easy enough to impliament.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago
Oxen are actually better plow (pulling) animals (some opinions may vary, but oxen definitely have more pull strength - primarily oxen pulled the Conestoga Wagons to Oregon and California, not horses).

However, horses have a wider range of things they are good/better at doing. But horses can also be delicate.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Horses are faster, despite having less pulling power. At least, that's what I gathered from my quick google search. I am not sure what I will go with yet.

I could make it simpler and have my choice be "let animals graze in the fallow fields with young maidens on their backs" or "have a wench ride a cow around town covered in hog fat". The first choice would fertilize the soil and work, the second would be hilarious, but not produce results. Even that would take years to prove or disprove though... a time-skip might be needed. I have some planning to do on this reworked branch haha.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Another update before my thread gets burried: I am about 7,000 words in, and I am approaching a possible ending of one of my branches. I have some spots I might want to change or add more, but I figured I would leave that for if I have time at the end. My big fear is that I do not finish, so even if the branch could be elaborated more, I will end it here for now. It basically has a setup, a puzzle, and ends with Arthur becoming king and making you his court wizard. The only magic here is your prophetic knowledge of the sword in the stone and the creation of both the sword and stone. If I have time I want to turn some of the fail branches that immediately end into more complex story lines. I might even update the puzzle with more outcomes. Right now there are three: if you build Excalibur wrong what you choose in the second puzzle doesn't matter, but if you do it right then there is a fail and a pass ending for the second puzzle. I can add different fail beaches for messing up the first puzzle based on if you messed both up or just one (time permitting) for a total of four outcomes.

Next I plan to do the other "half" of this branch where you have to create the Lady of the Lake version of the myth and pass it as magic. It will have a similar concept and possible "winning" ending concept. The challenge of making Excalibur was palmed to be common to both branches, but the second puzzle will be different. My challenge is the make the endings both make sense, and be different enough to both be entertaining. They might be more similar than different at the moment. I haven't even started this second puzzle...

Once that is done I will move to the "evil Merlin" side of the story where you solve problems with "magic" for a price. This is the branch where the magic will be using futuristic knowledge to advance medicine, farming, etc. I haven't put much work into planning this, so I will need to stop writing and make a new outline when I get here.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago
Sounds like your making good progress. Good work.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Updating again, but my progress has slowed so there is not much.

I finished the draft of the first branch with the "sword in the stone" puzzle. I think I am going to have the successful "Lady of the Lake" puzzle feed into the same ending after a different puzzle for time's sake. The puzzle and fail paths will be different though. If I have time to turn the fail paths into side-stories it will be much better, but the holidays are already sapping time from this along with busyness at work.

I have a better idea for the other branch that was not thought out well. No writing has happened, but I have a plan. You use a stun-gun on a knight and he flees, but he tells the king about your "magic" that zapped him. The next day the knight returns with a small army that freaks you out, but they approach you with a deal. They will forgive your attack on the knight and leave you be if you help them with a plight affecting the land. You will choose from two plights: a food shortage that is causing Camelot to starve or a plague that is spreading.

Each plight has two choices you have to make that should be fun. The first choice will be how you will tell them to solve the problem, the second is how they "make the magic work" and is proposed as a "ritual" or "ceremony". Doing either wrong leads to a different quick death after a one year time skip. Doing both right leads to you becoming a respected, but still feared, sorcerer living in the woods near Camelot. This storyline follows the myths that depict Merlin as an evil lustful sorcerer, so you will have the option of making more lewd choices (nothing graphic or crazy, but things like "you must send a young maiden to live with me in my cottage in the woods" might be choices).  

The first two branches feed into the "canon ending" with Arthur becoming king and you becoming his advisor. I will imply that your first task is to solve the two plights playable in the second two branches in this ending. This version of Merlin is also supposed to be weak to a femme fatale, but I lack the time to work it in. If the series should ever continue this will come into effect. The second two branches will end with Uther still as king of Camelot since Merlin has not yet become the boy's advisor. You will be sort of become a legendary figure who does black magic but is powerful enough to solve any problem "for a price". King Uther will not be a friend of yours but will consider you a valuable resource to rely on in a pinch.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

The plights will look something like this:

Food shortages are remedied from moving to a three-field system (currently Camelot uses a two-field system). You will have to choose what crops to plant in each third of the field. Choices for the field are fallow, beans, oats, wheat, and rye. To succeed you need 1/3 fallow, 1/3 beans or oats, and 1/3 wheat or rye. If you have the whole field planted, or oats and beans planted (similarly with wheat and rye or two of the same thing), then you fail. Keeping the magic going is done by having 12 lovely young maidens ride cows in the fallow field, or having 12 lovely young maidens ride horses around your cottage in the woods daily from planting to harvesting. If the girls are at your cottage the fields do not get fertilized and you fail; if they ride cows in the fallow field the cows graze and fertilize the field to replenish the lost nutrients and make the magic happen.

The plage is fixed by building a latrine to stop people from dumping excrement in the street. The choices will be something like putting the latrine upstream or downstream from Camelot (upstream fails). To continue the magic you either have a lovely young maiden live with you at your cottage (this is important because she will perform some task daily that makes the magic work), or you have some laborers fill in the latrine with "magic dirt" weekly and dig a new one. Filling in the latrine keeps flies from breeding, odor from spreading, and bacteria from festering in one pit for a year. Having the girl around doesn't. I haven't decided which action will succeed yet... (kidding). I do need to decide on a good task for the young maiden or a good "reason" you give for having her live with you. Perhaps she will pour a "magic potion" in the latrine once a week and be your assistant.

As per usual, feedback is always welcomed.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Another update since I did a lot today:

I am almost finished with the second branch, which means I am almost half way done. I am just shy of 10,000 words, so that check out according to my plan. If both "halves" of the game are the same word length (and I finish), the game will end up at about 22,000 words.

Mara playtested a puzzle for me and informed me that one puzzle left the goal unclear, so I will update that one to tell the reader what they need to do. The other puzzle was too hard for someone that doesn't study magnets and electricity, so I am adding a guide book that can be checked for relevant informatuion about the puzzle. It will be an optional hint that takes the puzzle from really hard to pretty easy in the event that the person readin the game has no piror knowledge of electromagnets. I will add a similar hint to another puzzle based on making wires repel each other with current flow.

I have to say that I think this game is turning out pretty good so far. I just need to go back and edit to make the main character freak out a bit more when he realizes that he is face to face with real knights in the past. Right now he handles it too well. This was another observation from Mara.

 

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago
Sounds like you're right on track for where you want to be.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Update: I didn't do anything over the holidays and am now behind. Reader 82 has graciously agreed to proofread/playtest my game. I still plan to finish with just over 20K words. I will need to work fast, but I should have time from now until the deadline.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Not sure if this is still necessary, but I have made progress. I am at about 14,000 words now and made all of the pages for my "three-field system" branch. I have to type up the three possible endings and expand on a few pages to finish this branch. It is shorter than my other branches, but I think it is pretty funny.

Once I finish that (tonight or tomorrow), I just need to make a similar branch for my "dig a latrine" branch. I am hoping to finish it all this weekend to allow time for editing and updating. My two proofreaders/play-testers have provided a lot of feedback for me to get to. I am forcing myself to finish the game before editing it though. That will motivate me to finish since I do not want some of the mistakes they found included in my contest entry... GULP.

Anyways, I'm taking a break for now and getting back to it tonight (unless I fall asleep).

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Does anyone read these? Am I updating it too much? Have I gone insane? Yeah, I need to stop doing contests...

Anyway, 16,500 words down with one branch to go. It should be the shortest and easiest branch to write, but I am worried about how slow I am writing. I might take a break to edit based on the feedback I have already received; however, it would probably be better to finish the story... One of those will happen tonight. The whole game is still on track to be finished on time, but I will not be early like some folks are.

The most recent branch was only like 4.5K words added on, some of that will be shared with this last branch, so 20,000 words is about right still. I think the "puzzle" is way easier on this branch, and that it turned out much better than I planned. Failing and passing the puzzle lead to equally long, and equally entertaining, endings. I think it will be well received, but I MIGHT be biased...

FInal branch will be like the last one, possibly shorter. I am considering axing it for two reasons: firstly, I am lazy and running out of time. Secondly, it might be pretty similar to the last one in terms of the endings. That makes it easier to write, but sort of pointless. It is kind of a different way to get to some similar endings. I shouldn't be down on the idea though, my first two branches can both lead to the same ending if you pass the puzzles perfectly. The journey is very different, just the results are the same (the fail branches are all different and in some cases better than the success branches).

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago
I read them.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Thanks, Bucky! I am more stressing out over finishing on time than saying you don't read them. My first contest ended without a submission, so I am nervous.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago
1) No
2) Maybe
3) Yes

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Thanks, your 1st answer made me laugh. I'll try to tone down my insanity or embrace it.

Merlin Origins (contest) -shadowdrake27

4 years ago

Approaching the end. I updated everything with feedback from Mara and Reader, so I just need to proofread the remaining pages they didn't comment on. I proofread the others while I was incorporating their comments. In reality, I should probably read this out loud or something and go over everything 2-3 more times... but I am too lazy and short on time.

I will try to make a guide for each ending. I am not familiar with these, so I will probably just summarize what choices lead to what endings. If there are examples someone can link me to, that would be appreciated. Otherwise, I'll just try to make as complete a "walkthrough" as I can. It is not that complicated of a game, but some choices do not affect the story until several pages later, so it would be helpful to have a guide.