BerkaZerka, The Million Word Malkavian

Member Since


Last Activity

9/21/2019 3:03 PM

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0 wins / 0 losses


Ordained Sage Exemplar



Mind's Eye USA





Trophies Earned

Administrative contributions. Having 4 Storygame(s) Featured Having Infinite Points Posting 11872 Forum Posts Rated 100.0% of all Stories Given by alexp on 02/22/2013 - For being all-around awesome! Given by BerkaZerka on 01/09/2017 - In memorial of mustache wars long long ago~ Given by EndMaster on 05/31/2013 - For Dead Man Walking, Dungeon Stompage and whatever other cool stories you end up creating. Given by JJJ-thebanisher on 10/14/2013 - Great site presence and top notch AE usage Given by madglee on 04/04/2014 - Exceptional stories and great moderator! Great work, BZ! Enjoy. Given by Sethaniel on 06/14/2014 - Great moderator, amazing game-maker. Given by Will11 on 01/15/2017 - For the fantastic stories, amazing scripting and overall contributions to the site


Chuck Norris Quiz

How well do you know the Incredible Facts About The Awesome Chuck Norris?

25 Questions with Scoring

Featured Story Cows vs. Aliens!

Farmer Brown is on vacation and it's up to Fernando El Fantastico the Bull (that's you!) to save his Herd when Aliens come to harvest them!

(by playing draw poker against a horde of moronic alien invaders!)

Special Thanks to Killa_Robot for playtesting feedback - This Meep's For him! ^v^

Crab Arena!

You are Crab Trainer X! Choose your Crustacean Combatant and Battle for Glory in Crab Arena! The Championship Belt is within your Grasp! Can You Do It? Hell Yes You Can!

Now GO!!!


How To Play

Fight 3 Round Battles with 4 Opponents; and then a 5 Round Battle with the Final Opponent. Each Round you choose an Attack and an Elemental Focus to power it.
CLAW HAMMER beats Body Slam / BODY SLAM beats Double Snip / DOUBLE SNIP beats Claw Hammer
FIRE consumes Air / WATER puts out Fire / EARTH soaks up Water / AIR blows away Earth
A Color-Coded Bar shows the results between the Attacks and Focuses: Green = Win; Yellow = Draw; Red = Lose
Your Attack determines who Wins the Round; the Elemental Focus determines how much Damage you will take and how many Power Points you will gain. Your Wins and Losses at the end of each Battle determine whether you advance or go down in flames.

Featured Story Dead Man Walking (Zombie Survival)

Can you survive the Zombie Apocalypse? While challenging, it's not as hard as the movies would have you believe - where they always make the worst possible decisions for the sake of drama. At least here, you will be offered logical choices amid the foolhardy and your character cares about survival even more than you do. A serious game with gory detail.

Cameos (try to find them all!)
Aman: Hairy bearded sledge guy
applegirl: Coffee mug zombie teen
Betaband: Neighbor’s fish tank brought to you by Betaband
CovElite: The Cannibal Gaunt Zombie
EndMaster: A survivor tells about seeing a black hooded man walking among the zombie hordes and directing them like death itself
Fireplay: A madman with a taste for fire
JMgskills: A zombie wearing a red shirt with the logo “YOU DIED – END GAME.”
Marmotlord: A School Mascot on the run
playa988: A rather short, buzz-cut, zombie in a baggy white t-shirt and jeans that gets sniped
simplesabley: Tomboy survivor girl
SindriV: A mysterious corpse in the street
Solxd7: A police officer shit out of luck
Swiftstryker: Zombie in a speedo
ThisisBo: An oddly “talkative” zombie not terribly interested in eating brains
ugilick: Karate kicking conquistador

Special Thanks To:
Aman; AtomicWaste; blob; Briar_Rose; HoraceTorys; MBrock; playa988; ugilick

(For their invaluable feedback and playtesting efforts!)

Featured Story Delve!

Slay Monsters and Loot the Bodies!

100 levels of Classic Dungeon-Crawl Hack & Slash!
Can you survive all the way to the end?

A CYS "Flash Game" Featuring -
Weapon Upgrades, Magic Items, NPCs, and more!

Featured Story Dungeon Stompage!

An Item and Character-Stat driven Dungeon Adventure Challenge! Can you survive the perils, defeat the monsters, and win the game?


Special Thanks To:

JMgskills, simplesabley; betaband; Swiftstryker; madglee; October; & urnam0 (who found a second solution to the puzzle chest)

(For their invaluable feedback and playtesting efforts!)

Kill Aman's Mustache

Do you have what it takes to survive the Wrath of Aman's Mustach of Doom?

Are you clever enough to outwit a Penguin with a mallet? Are you man enough to wear a phony mustache? Are you Anime enough to put on a Pikachu suit and head to Vegas?

Find Out Now, In: Kill Aman’s Mustache!

A horror(ble) puzzle of hairy implications with a side of lice...

Note that embedded audio requires windows media player plug-in to hear. You will likely be prompted to allow it if you don't already have it installed.
(Please don't be mean and Rate this game poorly just because it’s a worthless piece of crap. Seriously - you will totally hurt the feelings of the thirteen year old orphan schoolgirl from Korea that I hired to write this and who has very little grasp of grammar and doesn’t speak any Engrish and is dying of toenail cancer – you heartless brutes.)


So You Want To Join A Cult

Which Cult is right for you?

Take this Cult Placement Quiz and find out!

HINT: A Leader needs to be willing to put in a long day.

The King's Logic Puzzle


The king has proposed a contest of intellect.
You have a balance scale and twelve identical looking spheres of gold - except that one is either heavier or lighter than all the rest. Using the scale and only 3 measurements, you must determine which is the 'odd ball' and whether it is lighter or heavier.
If you fail, you get to be court jester for a month. The king has a terrible sense of humor - trust me; you don't want to be court jester (even for just a month). It's part of the reason he holds this contest. It's the only way he can get anyone to 'sign-up' for the job.
If you can correctly guess the 'odd ball,' but not whether it's lighter or heavier than all the others, you get to go free.
But if you can get the right ball AND figure out whether it's lighter or heavier - you get to keep all twelve spheres of gold. They're worth a small fortune - enough to buy your own keep - which would raise you up from lowly Surf to rich Landowner in the blink of an eye.
What do you have to lose - except your dignity...


A Penguin's Fairy Tale

You are 'Penguin,' a small stuffed toy owned by a little girl named Sarah. You love Sarah very much and Sarah loves you. You know this, because Sarah says so quite often. You are Sarah's favorite toy.


Bane Treasure Of The Vampire King

What do I know of cultured ways, the gilt, the craft and the lie? I, who was born in a naked land and bred in the open sky. The subtle tongue, the sophist guile, they fail when the broadswords sing; Rush in and die, dogs—I was a man before I was a king.

Epic pirate adventure in the world of Conan the Barbarian. Sail the savage seas in search of a legendary treasure cursed by the gods!

Dungeon Stompage II

Sixty nine years after Raven's grand adventure, Tempest, the half-human child of the Succubus Lilianthea, takes up the quest to find the lost treasure hoard of the Great Dragon Serpentfang - wherein lies an artifact with the power to destroy the Oblitterum Nomeno once and for all.

Battle even more fearsome monsters and your own half-demonic nature, to recover the artifact in time; before the book of damned souls draws you in past the point of no return!

Five Pin Code

The following is a 'How To It Guide,' for building a Five Pin Pass Code into your game for the purpose of pass-coding Unlockables, Game Sequels, or the like.

Articles Written

How to Shuffle a List with Scripting
You can use Advanced Editor Scripting to randomize the order of list (without duplicates) using the following method.

How to use On-Page Variable Tricks
The following discusses the use of the On-Page Variable Code (it literally goes right on the Page in the Story Editor, as opposed to Scripting, which goes into the Scripting Boxes).

Recent Posts

Area 51 raid on 9/21/2019 2:57:17 PM
I think it mostly had to do with not wanting to be mauled by the canine haha! What a bunch of useless pansies. No one willing to take one for the team.

Wardens, lmao on 9/21/2019 9:33:28 AM
Not anymore. SindriV is their new champ.

So You Want To Join A Cult on 9/21/2019 8:49:05 AM
Added the following hint on the Title Page: HINT: A Leader needs to be willing to put in a long day.

Bad Seed (Collaborative CYOA) on 9/21/2019 8:32:26 AM
I actually wanted to add some reaction choices for the player over the god summoning issue but ran out of steam writting the part last night. I hope it is clear that Cole is just too dumb to realize any real implications on the matter, which is why he casually accepts it. As an aside, my biggest challenge is the dialogue. I think it's improved since DMW, but still lacking. Should I retroactively add achoice above to continue questioning Arnold? Or maybe at least add a thought for Lucky, illistrating her difficulty believing/grappling with Arnold's revelation about his past?

Defeat my Students! on 9/20/2019 6:35:54 PM
Love the Bulwer Lytton Contest! Entered a few times, but my writing must be too good to win haha!

Bad Seed (Collaborative CYOA) on 9/20/2019 6:24:07 PM
<A. Does this mean Arnold knows dark magic? Can he prove it? Ask him.>


“Wait,” you replied thoughtfully; “Does that mean you actually know this dark magic? Can you show us? Prove that it exists?”

Arnold frowned, rubbing his chin a moment. “It’s not like asking you to ‘pick a card – any card’,” Arnold answered; “There is a terrible toll that one pays when performing the dark arts; Loss of sanity being one potential pitfall. I’m not too keen on ending up in the mental hospital again so soon on nothing more than a whim. I will use it however, if I must, but only under the direst of circumstance.”

“So... did you actually do it then?” Cole abruptly asked.

“Excuse me?” Arnold replied; “do what?”

“Summon your god.”

“I… er… yes. We were successful (if you can call ‘half or our numbers going mad on the spot and the other half trampling themselves to death just trying to flee’ a success).”

“Oh wow,” Cole continued, looking up into the air as if trying to imagine such a scene; “That must have been something.”

Arnold, at a loss for words, just looked at Cole with a raised eyebrow.

“What was your god’s name,” Cole continued.

“I won’t speak his name,” Arnold whispered, bowing his head. “I wouldn’t want to draw his attention.”

“Fair enough,” Cole said nodding.

“Don’t worry about it Arnold,” you said, patting him on the shoulder; “we were just curious.”


A. Time to dig up some more information on the hospital.
B. Time to head to the hospital.

Bad Seed (Collaborative CYOA) on 9/18/2019 7:11:53 PM
<B. Same as above, but also ask Arnold about his mental breakdown (as he opened the door when he mentioned his miraculous recovery a few moments ago).>


“Oh, this is not good,” you added in dismay. “Those dates are lost to me as well. This cannot be a case of mere coincidence.”

“No way!” Cole gasped in disbelief, “You all were abducted by aliens too?!?”

“Uh… no.” you quickly corrected.

“Yeah, don’t think so,” Arnold said, rubbing his head.

“What the hell does it mean then?” Cole asked.

“Well, Arnold and I have discovered a disturbing correlation between a certain hospital and a bunch of two and three year olds here in town. We were headed there, when we ran into you (and the two bastards in blue). I hate to say it, but it might be related. I don’t suppose you want to tag along to find out? ”

“Hell yeah!” Cole agreed. “I’d give anything to set this bullshit behind me. Or at least find some proof that I ain’t crazy as everyone says. So, what we gonna do?”

“Well, my sister happens to be at this hospital and due any time now. We were going to go over there and see if we can convince her to leave.”

“That’s it?”

You began to realize how little you knew about the situation. You knew nothing about the hospital; nothing about the hospital staff; or any of the information on the various cases (or people involved) that the orphanage records showed. Hell, you were a private eye – used to digging up information and dirt from a variety of sources – yet here you had been ready to storm off ill-prepared and do… what?

“I suppose we could snoop around a little, while we’re there, to see what they’re up to,” you offered weakly.

Damn. You really wanted more info to go on, but you also didn’t want to leave your sister in possible danger for any longer than you absolutely had to.

“Yeah, I guess,” Cole agreed unenthusiastically.

“So, um… Arnold,” you said, trying to change the subject; “You mentioned the miraculous return of your sanity. If I might be so bold as to ask: what happened that you lost it in the first place?”

“Oh,” Arnold replied, a bit hesitant. “Uh, right. In my younger days, I was a member of the Yale Brotherhood of Occult Studies. That led into some pretty esoteric experiences throughout my life. Long story short, I was a member of a cult; And the cult decided to summon its god. And… it did not go well.”

Cole just raised an eyebrow, but clearly had no idea what Arnold had just said. “What?”

“Wait, you tried to summon a god? Like with magic spells and such?” you asked incredulously.

“Yes,” Arnold replied, “I may be a stage magician, but there is another form of magic – dark magic. I only mention it, because of what may be happening to the children – to little Sonny Kingsly. I could sense its unholy taint in the Kingsly home and in the orphanage. If someone is using it to affect the children, then what could be waiting for us at the hospital may be more horrifying than your wildest nightmares. You must prepare you minds now for that possibility, or risk them breaking, when the soft veneer of our perceived reality is dashed to pieces before our very eyes.”

Your gut said Arnold was being serious (and actually believed what he was telling you).


A. Does this mean Arnold knows dark magic? Can he prove it? Ask him.
B. Rethink heading off to the hospital half-cocked – Best try to gather at least the most basic information about the place first.
C. No, this can’t wait. Go to the hospital now.

Bad Seed (Collaborative CYOA) on 9/16/2019 7:28:57 PM
<A. Maybe Arnold is right. Ask Cole to recount his experience to you; then decide.>


“Hmm, it’s worth considering,” you agreed with Arnold. “All of these children were born in the same hospital it’s true, but each more than two years ago. If this has something to do with the hospital, then yes, it has been going on for much longer than we initially thought.”

Turning to Cole, you asked him to refresh your memory. “Be a sport Cloe and remind us of your, uh, alien encounter. Go on now, we’re listening.”

After eyeing you a moment, to make sure you weren’t mocking him, Cole began.

“Well, as you heard, I was out on the family property about a year ago,” he explained, “loading up for a run. It was late at night and dark, when a blinding light and great noise (like the roar of a waterfall) come out of nowhere. Hell, I though it was the police at first, making a raid on the still, and ran off blindly into the woods. But the damned light, it… it, followed me from above. I looked up and saw a silver metallic zeppelin thing floating over the trees.

Then I was literally flung into the air by some unseen force. Right up and into the craft, going straight through the hull as if it hadn’t been there! I must have blacked out’ cause next thing I know is waking up near the still.”

“I occasionally have nightmares about it though, seeing in dreams fat barrel-like alien creatures – being prodded and probed – sometimes going under weird surgery – but above all, unescapable feelings of paralyzing fear and dread.”

“Obviously, I stopped talking about it when no one believed me, but it happened – I swear. Even to this day I have occasional blackouts because of it. Anywhere from a few hours to one losing two whole days. Doctors say it’s from drinking too much moonshine, but I know that ain’t true.”

“Blackouts?!? Two whole days?!?” Arnold gapped, “Me too! Over the past couple of months in fact! What were the two days missing from your memory?”

“From the evening of Wednesday the fifth and Thursday the sixth. And it wasn’t the weekend, so no, I wasn’t drunk!”

“Egads!” Arnold exclaimed; “Same days! I mean that’s the same days for me as well!”

A creepy feeling was beginning to crawl under your skin. You were in the hospital, recovering from the baseball bat attack to your head on Wednesday the fifth, but the next thing you can recall after that is Friday the seventh at your parent’s home. You don’t even remember being checked out of the hospital, but just chalked it off to the head injury at the time. Could there really be more to it than that?


A. There must be something to this. Mention your own blackouts and invite Cole to join you and Arnold in your unfolding investigation.
B. Same as above, but also ask Arnold about his mental breakdown (as he opened the door when he mentioned his miraculous recovery a few moments ago).
C. Aliens though?!? Perhaps you and Arnold are better off handling this yourselves (without Cole’s help).

Bad Seed (Collaborative CYOA) on 9/15/2019 2:20:05 PM
<A. “For your information, Mother Carrol is not paying me a cent; She was just concerned about the boy we picked up today is all.”>


“For your information, Mother Carrol is not paying me a cent,” you informed the two officers; “She was just concerned about the boy we picked up today is all.”

“Kingsly’s kid eh?” officer Smith asked.

“The same; No thanks to you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I had to get dragged into it, because the department was too afraid to step on some uppity up’s toes.”

“Yeah, well babysittin’ ain’t exactly our thing doll. But I’m sure you did a fine job, harhar!”

You held your tongue, sensing this would be the end of the conversation, while opening your mouth would just fuel more of their chauvinistic crap.

“We’ll see you around,” Officer Cray broke in, as Officer Smith just grinned arrogantly. The squad-car then pulled away and headed up the road.

A single drop of rain splashed the side of your face. Looking up, you could see the night sky, overcast, dark, and brooding. An impressive storm was on the horizon, flashes of lightning illuminating the distant cloudbank. You couldn’t yet hear the thunder, so it was still a ways off – maybe an hour or so at best.

“What’s that all about?” Cole asked, having stowed his chains and gear back in the tow-truck. “Something weird is going on, right? Maybe now you’ll all start taking me serious about my abduction.”

That’s right; Cole had been nearly laughed out of town about a year ago, when he claimed to have been abducted by aliens. Everyone simply dismissed his account as a bad batch of shine.”

“So you’re the UFO guy?” Arnold stepped up to ask.

“And you’re the crazy magician that went bonkers and got tossed in the booby hatch,” Cole shot back defensively.

“No, you misunderstand,” Arnold explained, “I’m not discounting you at all, I’ve… I’ve seen some… unusual things in my day, and am wondering if what you experienced could be related to what we’re currently investigating. You see, I find it most coincidental that your abduction and my – shall we say, miraculous return to sanity, seem to have occurred on the same night.”

Cole’s face showed a mix of shock and relief at perhaps being believed for the first time since his encounter.

“Hold up, Arnold,” you said; “I’m not sure we want to bring too many into this before we have a better idea of what’s going on.”

“I was just thinking,” Arnold explained, “that given the situation with the youngins, and their connection to a certain hospital… Well, that has to mean this has been going on for more than just recently. What if everything is connected somehow?”


A. Maybe Arnold is right. Ask Cole to recount his experience to you; then decide.
B. No. You and Arnold are better off handling this yourselves.
C. You don’t have time for any of this (your sister is still in danger). Just tell Cole to follow you and Arnold to your sister’s hospital.
D. You don’t have time for any of this (officer Cray and Smith are getting away and you still want to follow them).

Bad Seed (Collaborative CYOA) on 9/15/2019 11:01:49 AM
Wouldn't C reveal the least bit of information?