Bucky, The Apprentice Scrivener
October 2016 - Spooky Story Contest - The NON-Shamed - Steve24833 & Malkalack & ugilick & Lampmandnando
December 2016 - Ballad Contest - Overall Winner - pugpup1 ; Traditional Winner - Romulus
January 2017 - New Frontier Contest - Co-Winners - WouldntItBeNice & Ogre11
February 2017 - Flash Fiction Contest - Winner - Romulus: Forever After
Spring 2017 - Chaos Contest - Winner - Saika: From A Great Height
December 2017 - Choose Your Own Prompt Contest - Winner - EbonVasilis: Magno
Summer 2018 - Future Contest Pending
This isn't meant to be a masterpiece or an attempt at being deep. Hopefully it shows that a competent 20 page + story can be written in a weekend's time.
Contest entrants: there's no reason to garner SHAME when entering a contest on the site. Just sit down and write.
Generic Warning - For
immature mature audiences only.
I fired the ridiculous cannon up for this one and took it up to eleven.
This project has lingered untouched in my trunk for nearly a year now. Originally intended to be a short work, it grew big and fat in my notes, and was then later locked away and ignored. Life happens. Anyway, I pulled it from the graveyard and decided to patchwork the dangling ends together.
Play through the heroic or not so heroic adventures of a Cliché knight hero! There are a series of three endings for the knight that I considered canon when I first drafted the story. These unlock the first pages of what were intended to be the other hero paths of wizard, prince and spunky girl (along with some bonus troll material). If enough people enjoy the knight's story, I'd be open to reinvesting in the project and adding one or all of them on as an expansion. Each would play as its own separate story, so don't worry, there is a full and complete story in here.
The work, however, is raw - often intentionally so. And while the 'canon' endings unlock the bonus material, there really is no winning and losing. You just do better or worse.
That said, this is a fragment of the monster that lies in my notes, coming in at a little over 22k words. I feel comfortable saying there are a few chuckles in here, so I think if it brightens one person's day then it was worth publishing.
All comments, both mean and kind, are appreciated. Enjoy.
A mildly disturbing result of my attempts to learn my way around the editor. I dabbled a bit in basic html as well. The game functions mostly as a USA State Capitals quiz with a simple combat element. I put in a bit of a backstory, surrounding the quiz, and something mildly disturbing may happen if you die...
While this has little literary merit; hopefully, you may learn something.
Written over the course of about three days prior to the extension, as a late decision to enter EndMaster's Depraved Love Contest. The extension was squandered trying to write something more serious, but that story deserves a more honorable effort than Billy.
Billy always had a wild side, even as a tyke.
Another story where you don't really win or lose. You just have a more or less pleasant existence.
Recent PostsAtlas on 5/23/2018 8:37:41 AM
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Death Penalty: Good or Bad? on 5/21/2018 9:38:41 PM
Death Penalty: Good or Bad? on 5/21/2018 8:42:38 PM
Atlas on 5/20/2018 9:24:16 PM
“Ahoy, to the right!” Landon spotted the Waterways Team’s vessel first, and the young landlubber raised the cry.
“Starboard,” said Akari.
“Whatever.” Landon rolled his eyes. “I didn’t realize I was talking to Steve.”
Officer Stone altered course, and the crew intercepted the other powerboat near the middle of the main body of the lake. A distinct stink seemed to emanate from the hull of the vessel. Commander Rose propped herself up and gave a weak grin as the two powerboats pulled up beside each other. A bloody bandage adorned her calf. Jerome grovelled on the deck as Mark leaned over him. And Steve beamed a look of triumph.
“I saved everyone!” said Steve.
Tina shook her head. “Why do I doubt that?”
Landon stared at Mark. “Where the hell are your pants?”
Mark chuckled. “Long story.”
“That fucking idiot Jerome shot a harpoon through the bottom of the boat.” Steve hopped onto the rescue vessel and started to rummage through the supplies. “I need a fucking drink. Where’s the booze?”
“Some kind of . . . lake alien started ramming the bottom of the boat right after we made the second radio check-in,” said Mark. “The radio plunked over the side, and Rose dove in after it.”
“Why did he shoot through the boat?” asked Akari. “That’s stupid.”
Mark shrugged. “He panicked. I guess he hit it though. It screamed something awful. Then he loaded up a second harpoon and dove in after Rose.”
“Who wound up saving his dumb ass,” said Steve, as he debated the merits of drinking the pure grain alcohol in the medical kit.
“What’d this alien look like?” asked Landon.
“Uhm . . . I don’t know how to describe it,” said Commander Rose. “It was like a cross between a horse, a seal, a duck, and a squid. And it was big.”
“It violated me!” Jerome struggled to sit up, wincing and clutching his buttocks and groin. “I jumped in after Rose, and swam toward the bottom of the lake. It had its tentacles wrapped around her ankle, dragging her down. I slashed at them with my knife but couldn’t muster enough force swinging the blade under the water. It pulled Rose toward its mouth. Rows upon rows of razor sharp teeth! More tentacles burst out of its back, beelining toward me. They pierced my rectum! Another tentacle opened up and split into several more! One of them . . . jabbed into my urethra! I fired the harpoon, and Rose got free. I swallowed a lot of water, and now my dick and ass really hurt.”
Alexandria scribbled on her pad. Are you sure it was water?
Anna pulled out a bio-scanner from her pack and waved the wand around Jerome. The device emitted a series of high pitched beeps. “Oh,” said Anna.
“Oh?” Jerome’s eyes flashed wide with fright. “I don’t like oh’s!”
Anna moved toward Rose next. “Guys, get these boats back to the Space Whale. NOW!”
Fred hummed happily to himself as he perused the Space Whale Operations Manual. To protect the pretty purple cover, he had fashioned a makeshift cover protector out of a coloring book. Although, now he could no longer see the pretty purple cover.
Dr. Metzger approached. “Have you been slipping Dr. Hunt your pickle wine without his knowledge?”
Fred turned bright red. “Well . . . I was thinking about it to be honest. He just seems so gruff and like he needs to have a good time! But, I haven’t yet. I swear! I’ve been too busy trying to find all of the flotation devices that we have in storage!”
“Okay, I just needed to make sure. I believe an alien parasite has latched onto him. During the procedure to remove the pen from Dan’s eye, Dr. Hunt struggled with his depth and size perception. He nearly gouged out the poor bastards good eye with the pliers.”
“No one seems to like Dan anyway, but I stopped Dr. Hunt from pulling out his good eye. But make sure you don’t let Dr. Hunt onto the fact that you know he has a parasite. I’m not sure yet if it’s only affecting his physical capacities or if it has some type of cognitive control over him. He kept going on about how he was surprised that a ‘small’ girl like Tina could throw such a punch. The girl has to be nearly six foot tall! I played it off, so if the parasite has cognitive control of him, it doesn’t know I’m wise to the bugger.”
“Possibly a Freudian slip, eh?” Fred scratched his head. “Do you think the parasite could be a proxy for a greater being?”
“Possibly. I need to talk to Officer Stone. In the meantime . . . proceed as normal I suppose.”
“You can count on me!” Fred tucked the Space Whale Operation Manual under his arm, grabbed his orange soda off the table, and headed to the Command Center to release the remaining 2,000 some colonists from Cryo-sleep.
In deep sedation, Daniel dreamed of riding a horse into a setting sun while deer and antelope frolicked in the periphery of his vision.
Dr. Hunt attempted to open a can of grape soda. But he could not seem to place his hand on the tab. After several failed attempts, he sat down to recollect himself and assess the situation, only to miss the chair and fall to the floor.
“This . . . is not good.” Dr. Hunt closed his eyes and began to analyze and self-diagnose, all while lamenting his lack of grape soda.
The Space Whale’s computer droned through the ship. “Colonization Program activated. Unsealing cryo-sleep chambers in T-minus 60 seconds.”
Dr. Hunt groaned. “This . . . is worse.”
Dom tossed his shovel into ditch. “Why are we the only ones digging?”
Lily’s lips slipped into a coy smirk. “Well, we could always start doing something else.”
“Can I have my mountain climbing lesson now?”
“The full lesson? Right now?” Lily asked in genuine surprise. “Don’t you think that is completely and utterly foolish and irresponsible?”
Dom’s skin resembled a tomato. “I’m sorry. I -”
Lily grabbed him by the arm and tugged him out of the ditch. “If you’re not being stupid and reckless, you’re not having fun! Let’s go!”
The two marched off toward one of the rock cliffs. Lily had already packed a pair of bags with mountain climbing gear before anyone had disembarked the Space Whale. Normally, Dom may have thought this odd, but he had no doubts at this point that Lily truly loved him and was just thoroughly prepared for the great honor of going on a date with him. She even packed a lunch and wine. Thankfully, not pickle wine though.
Together they sat in the shade of a tall tree with bark as black as pitch, eating turkey sandwiches and holding hands with intense fiery passion. Lily even laced her fingers around his hand! They decided to save the wine for after the climbing lesson, for even reckless star-crossed lovers know the boundary line between flirtatious fun and damning debauchery.
Lily showed Dom the proper way to put on his harness. She knelt before him, taking her sweet time attaching the safety apparatus to him as her eyes lingered on his trousers. Dom wiggled in giddy glee when her hand grazed his inner thigh.
Next, Lily instructed Dom on several knots and how to check a rope for frays.
“You’re such a fast learner!” Lily planted a delicate kiss on Dom’s cheek. “You’re going to be a great mountain climber, I can tell!”
Finally, Lily tutored Dom on how to set his pins into the rock walls.
“Let’s do this!” Dom literally jumped up and down in his excitement.
“Hold on there, Tiger,” said Lily. “Let’s do a few safety runs first. Then maybe I’ll let you try a short climb on your own. But only if you think you’re ready.”
Truth be told, Dom proved to be an excellent fledgling mountaineer. He soaked in every word that Lily spoke and soon convinced her that he could handle a short solo climb. Dom could certainly use the confidence boost.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” Lily asked.
“Alright, keep your focus and remember what I taught you.”
Together they climbed up the rock face, side-by-side, up to a height of twenty feet.
“I can go higher!” said Dom. “Another ten feet, please? No, twenty more feet!”
Lily shook her head. “Not twenty. We can do another ten. But that’s it.”
And so they climbed once more. When they covered another ten feet, Dom turned to Lily and beamed a brilliant grin of pure joy.
“This has been the best day of my life!”
And then Lily leaned over and unclipped Dom’s carabiner.
Group policy choice: As the 2,000 some colonists awake from cryo-sleep, they generally feel . . .
A: Indifferent to the Preliminary Exploration crew and work cooperatively with them. B: Angry with the Preliminary Exploration crew for not waking them up upon landing. C: Outraged with the Preliminary Exploration crew for not waking them up and for being generally incompetent.
Atlas on 5/20/2018 4:03:19 PM
Atlas on 5/20/2018 2:48:48 PM
Alexandria scribbled furiously on her pad.
“You’re being foolhardy and reckless!” Daniel threw his arms in the air in exasperation. “There are plenty of reasons why they may not have responded to the hourly check-in call! It’s a mountain planet! They’re probably in a dead-zone. We have too many important things to do at camp. We can’t just run off wild and half-cocked at phantom emergencies!”
“What’s the point of regular radio check-ins if we’re not going to act when an entire group misses a call?” asked Akari.
“I didn’t say we wouldn’t act!” Daniel stomped the ground. “But we must do so rationally. If they aren’t back in three hours, we can launch a search mission then. But until then, we have nothing but an ill advised and speculative hunch as to why they haven’t replied.”
“Well,” said Anna, “that’s not exactly true. These are BEE-SPA HighBounce SAT Radios. They’re not really prone to dead-zone signal loss. All of the signals beam up to a satellite the Space Whale launched before we entered the atmosphere. I guess there’s a chance that the upper atmospheric winds could scramble the signal, but typically, you’d need a really powerful storm to cause interference.”
Alexandria shoved her pad in front of Daniel’s face. It’s okay. You stay here and pretend to be important. No one is asking you to go on any search and rescue missions. But word travels fast. After we find them, I’m sure Commander Rose, Mark, Jerome, and especially Steve will be VERY thrilled to learn that out of the few people opposed to launching an immediate search and rescue, you were the ONLY one that adamantly protested volunteers exercising their freewill and attempting to look out for the wellbeing of their fellow colonists.
“Are you threatening to tattle on me?” Daniel’s jaw dropped. “That’s barbaric and uncouth. I will not allow this . . . this outrage! Officer Stone, I demand you warn this miscreant of the consequences of her conduct!”
As Alexandria scribbled away on her pad, Daniel knocked it from her hands.
“Hey, what’s your fucking problem?” Landon abandoned his current task, packing supplies into the spare powerboat, and stormed toward Daniel with balled fists.
But Landon was too slow. Tina waltzed up to Daniel and slugged him right in the nose. A line of blood trickled from his right nostril. “Shut up.”
“Officer Stone! I’ve been assaulted! Arrest this criminal!”
Tina stabbed a pen into Daniel’s eye. “I said shut up.”
Daniel dropped to his knees and screamed.
“Jesus fucking Christ.” Officer Stone picked up Tina and carried her away before she could maim the project coordinator further. “Dr. Metzger, can you lend a fucking hand?”
“Of course. Landon, hold him down for a moment.”
Dr. Metzger stuck a needle into Daniel’s arm as Landon held the squirming man to the ground.
Dr. Hunt rushed over and helped Dr. Metzger carry the sedated man toward the Space Whale. “I’ll do what I can for his eye, Officer Stone. Do you want me to keep him strapped down and locked away until you get back? Perhaps for his own safety?”
“Am . . . am I going to go to jail?” asked Tina.
Officer Stone put the girl down and shook his head. “I’ll deal with you later.” He turned to the rest of the crew. “Those of you who are coming, get in the fucking boat.”
Tina, Landon, Akari, Anna, and Alexandria climbed into the spare powerboat with Officer Stone.
Anna called out to the rest of her team. “Dom, Lily, keep working on the defenses until I get back. Wish us luck.”
Officer Stone fired up the powerboat’s engine.
“Wait!” Fred hurried towards the waterline, carrying a wooden crate in his arms. “Take these floaties and extra life jackets!”
Dom and Lily shoveled dirt together in the ditch.
“Hey, stud muffin,” said Lilly, “how would you like a special private mountain climbing lesson from me after everything calms down? We’ll need some kind of fun to replace all of the drama.” Lily winked.
Dom swallowed. Oh, my gosh. An attractive woman is talking to me. Is this a date offer? Oh man, that’s awesome! But wait, what if it’s not? What if she’s just being really friendly. Holy cow, that would be so embarrassing if I mistake a nice gesture for a date proposal. It’d be like that time my cousin invited me to play putt-putt all over again! What do I do? I mean, it’s a practical offer. The safe route is to . . . oh crap! I don’t even know what the safe route is! If I decline, she may hate me! If I accept and it treat like a friendly outing, I might miss out on something awesome, and she may be dejected! If I treat it as a date, and it’s not, I’ll be humiliated! Oh, what do I do!?
“Well, what do you say, Tiger?” Lily gave a little roar, rolling her R’s.
Dom made a mess in his trousers. He blurted out, “It’s a date!”
Dr. Metzger assisted Dr. Hunt in extracting the pen from Daniel’s eye. The ultimate remedy would be entirely cosmetic of course, the man would no doubt be blind in that eye for life. Honestly, Dr. Metzger found the entire outcome rather amusing. But the situation gave him some time to proffer another proposal.
“How do you feel about experimental procedures?”
Dr. Hunt raised an eyebrow. He paused before speaking, choosing his words with care. “Science only advances by traversing untraveled grounds, but all endeavors require due caution and planning. Risk is not always worth the reward.”
“Fair enough. I’m asking because I believe with the technology aboard the Space Whale, I can remedy Alexandria’s muteness through gene splicing technology. But the procedure is entirely experimental and theoretical in basis, never before being tested on a living subject. By all accounts, I am a geneticist and biologist first, not a surgeon. I estimate a 70% chance of a positive outcome working alone. With your help, I believe the odds of a positive outcome would be approximately 90%.”
Dr. Hunt frowned. “I’ve never heard of such a procedure.”
“Well, like I said, it’s theoretical in nature.” Dr. Metzger shrugged. “I was going to publish an article on the topic, but with the state of Earth, plans changed. I’m sure you can understand.”
“What does the other 10% entail?” Dr. Hunt removed the pen from Daniel’s eye with deft care and a large pair of pliers. “Wow, that was in their pretty deep. Tina’s . . . very strong for such a small girl.”
“Never underestimate a midget, Doctor.”
“I don’t know about that, but I’ll be sure not to underestimate her. But about that other 10% . . .”
“If we fail, Alexandria will experience a significant and possibly permanent sensation of burning in her throat.”
Dr. Hunt groaned, mulling the proposition over. “I will . . . reluctantly assist. So long as Alexandria consents and is fully informed of the risks.”
“Excellent,” said Dr. Metzger, with perhaps a bit too much enthusiasm.
“Alright, lads! Hang tight, I’ll get us out of here!” Steve had no doubts that Jerome had succeeded in harpooning the boat, the commander, and the unseen alien lake monster all in one brilliant act of stupidity. Of course, Steve knew what he had to do: run away like a grand coward and claim the part of the hero by virtue of saving Jerome and Mark from the alien squid demon thing in a glorious escape across the lake. But before the charming Irish prick could spur the engine and bring the powerboat around, the loose cannon fired again.
“I’ll save you, Rose!” Jerome slammed another harpoon into the gun and plunged into the lake.
“You dumb fuck!” Steve nearly shit himself in anger. “How am I supposed to save you if you kill yourself?”
Meanwhile, Mark dropped his trousers and popped a squat. Gritting his teeth, Mark forced out a firm turd.
“Has everyone lost their fucking mind?” asked Steve.
“Just trust me.” Mark kicked off his trousers and drawers, not bothering to wipe. Without a moment’s hesitation, he whipped out his knife and cut the trousers into square strips. As Steve stared in bewilderment, Mark proceeded to rub his own excrement all over the fabric. The old man tossed the soiled rags to Steve. “When I dive under the boat, yank out that rum bottle and shove the rags through the hole. I’ll spread them out underneath. The water pressure will force them up against the hull, and the dung will keep them in place.”
“The Captain Cook method?”
Mark nodded and hopped over the edge of the boat with a splash.
Despite a strong desire to gun the engine and abandon everyone, Steve’s sailor spirit persevered. He just had to know if the dung cloth patch method actually worked. He unplugged the rum bottle from the hole and started jamming crap covered cloth through in its place. Seconds slipped by at an agonizing crawl. But as Mark spread the shit rags out beneath the hole, the flow of water seemed to slow until only a mere trickle crept into the boat.
The crazy old coot popped back up above the surface of the water, and Steve hauled the pants-less old timer back into the boat. Mark sprung into action without uttering a word. He grabbed his pail and bailed out what water remained in the boat.
“Holy shit, I think the shit worked!” Steve swelled with an overwhelming sense of pride for his part in such a marvelous maritime repair. “Did you see either of those other two idiots when you were down there, or should we just assume they’re dead?”
“I saw some jumbled mass on the bottom of the lake, but I only kind of caught a glance. I was more concerned about patching the hole and scrambling back in before whatever it was grabbed hold of me too.”
Another horrifying scream bellied from the depths.
“Fuck this, we’re done here.” Steve spun the powerboat around, but just before he could gun the throttle, a ripple formed in the lake before him. He hesitated just enough for Jerome to poke his head above the water’s surface just in front of the boat. “Fuck it all, reel the retard in. Quick!”
Commander Rose’s fiery red hair floated on top of the water just behind Jerome. A dark grimace lined her face, and her eyes winced in pain. “He’s out . . . cold.” The commander spluttered the words as she tried to keep her head above the water.
Mark and Steve grabbed Jerome beneath the shoulders and heaved him into the boat. The mercenary flopped to the deck like a fish. The Commander came next, half-drowned and seeping blood from a deep gash in her lower left calf. Steve thought he could see the contours of very large teeth marks.
The water around the powerboat began to churn.
“There’s fishing line and a first aid kit in that box, Mark. Sew them up if you can, but be careful. I’m about to let this bitch rip.”
At long last, Steve finally managed to gun the engine and commence with a glorious escape attempt.
No group choice this edition, splitting Chapter I: Part 2 into two parts due to its size.
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