Hogwarts dungeon

Is this a joke, my chickens could write a better story than this. You Need to take things seriously, it's obvious that you are a young writer who stumbled onto the site. I am a young writer myself, and I love it when talented young writers make their own stories. You're missing the biggest part of "Talented Young Writers" TALENT FOR FUCKS SAKE

I agree that it was better than your last game. However, you need to listen to the advice of the other commenters closely, and to me, another plot hole besides using the forbidden curse is using the bombarta spell when you apparently just learned it from witnessing it since you didn't have the option in your wand the first time. This is a plot hole to me because if you hadn't seen the spell before, I find it unlikely that you would use it right after that in case it might behave differently than you anticipated. Also, with unforgivable curses, you have to really mean them to get them to work, and there isn't nearly enough information to tell us why you would be angry enough at the person you were fighting with to make it work.

Ummm, this game is kind of short. It doesn't have enough to explain how you know the forbidden curse,and it just seems like you weren't really trying to do anything new, just get clicks.

We need a 0/8 rating option. Specifically for this game.

I do this for the point. What I will say is that this story was a lot better than your previous. This is encouraging (though in fairness the only way to make a story worse than your previous would be to face-plant the keyboard, though that would at least make your story post-modernistic and interpretive).

I think that Mizal made a mistake in her judgement. Most fanfic websites have higher standard s than this with people writing full blown novels with extensive plot and worldbuilding, taking months to finish or even years. This, I don't know what to say. I think an hour hasn't even passed by when this person finished their story.

Normally I would critique at least the characters, story and all that shebang, but there is so little of everything that I can't. Hey, at least you copied the riddles well enough that I could solve them instantly and give me end link buttons.

As advice in case you want to try again;

Just treat Choose your own adventure stories like you would with any regular novel (because they certainly often have the length of entire novels), make a plan; think of a good beginning, middle and end, toss some good characters and character motivations and goals and conflict into it and mix it all in with plenty of interesting choices and you've gotten yourself a story you could be proud of.

For one thing, this is obviously fanfic and has now been moved to the correct category.

Secondly, this is not a fanfic site, you don't get a gold star just for drooling on a keyboard as long as you make enough references while holding someone else's action figures. Readers here are looking for good writing and interesting choices.

The only winning path here was not to play.

Ughhhh