Star Wars: Earth War

Guys i will umpublish

One thing that I found odd was the "Death Test." That doesn't seem very Jedi-like to me for the Master to kill or attempt to kill the student. Seems much more Dark Side? It's clear that you had a very clear image in mind of what you were writing and that's good. Random deaths resulting on moving left or right are a little unforgiving...maybe giving hints or strategies to your readers will help a little, because remember they can't see the battles like you are in your mind's eye unless you tell them.

Not the best game on the site but I can tell you put effort into it and I think you have potential. I'd advice you to write the game like a story instead of a play and put what people say in speech marks and then say who said them and how instead of just putting the person's name and then a colon to show what they say. Keep at it. You'll keep getting better with practice.

meh

quite good.

its a good story but needs better grammer but its good

Guys i will un-publish it for a while i will fix the grammar

This could be a good game, but oh, the grammar. Ow. Literally painful to read, which is a shame because it's probably covering up a great story.

Thank you guys for comment my story. i am really sorry about the grammar (im just 12 years old) i will try to make it better on the next chapter (yes there will be)

To be honest it doesn't have a bad plot or story. But your grammar was horrible ( I can't say much mine is too) ask some of the more senior people to do a proof read but other than the crammed pretty good 5/8