A Chosen Hero

A Chosen Hero Review

A Chosen Hero is an engaging fantasy story about a young boy who receives a mysterious blessing and becomes a chosen hero. But he doesn’t become this invincible hero overnight, he has to go through several trials and tribulations to find out what the true meaning of being a hero is, and throughout the story, he’s challenged to go above and beyond being a regular human. Sometimes he falls short, but when it truly matters, he’s able to push past fear, shortsightedness, foolishness, and apathy to become something more, a true hero in every sense of the word. And that’s why I feel like this story was quite captivating, both in a sense of the grand sense of scale that this story provides, the epic fantasy nature of the story, and on a more personal sense, the journey of self-discovery/improvement that the main character goes through as he slowly grows from a flawed boy to a powerful and self confident man, shedding his flaws and becoming a better man by the end. So on a symbolic level, the story works really well! But I did have some major gripes with this story that takes it down a few notches, but I’ll get into those in a bit.

A Chosen Hero is a gauntlet style CYOA, where the story proceeds along a standard, linear, “main-path”, with occasional branching towards false paths and standard-issue death endings. I often see people complain about gauntlet stories, that they are too linear. I understand and agree with them on some level, because I would like more paths. After all, I am on this site to see how different choices lead to widely different stories, and I’m going to warn you right now, this is not one of those stories. At the same time, I did enjoy the death endings, because they gave the story a videogame RPG-style where you had to think tactically about your choices, and it gave me a higher level of engagement. So I’m not totally against this style, but I would have definitely liked to have seen more branching and multiple overall stories to read from.

One huge wasted opportunity for branching in this story was the first choice, where Erron has to choose between “The Blessing” and “The Curse”. Choosing the blessing is a trope that’s been done to death in fiction, so naturally I went with what seemed like the more interesting choice, the curse. After all, many heroes get some kind of special blessing and boon, and while it is true that curses are also common in fiction, I figured that this could give some kind of grimdark twist to the story. Plus from a symbolic standpoint, it lends an interesting juxtaposition to the idea of the “chosen hero”, since by choosing the curse, the hero is proving that his attitude and character will determine what makes him a hero, not the circumstances of a blessing or a curse. The idea of a blessing or a curse seems predeterministic, and almost pessimistic in that it’s essentially saying that humanity doesn’t have the ability to change our destiny, or choose our own fate, it’s all written in the stars before we’re born. So by still allowing Erron to become a hero despite the curse, Ebon could have told a magnificent story about rising to the challenge despite a severe and debilitating impediment, and proving that just because you’re cursed doesn’t inherently make you evil or a threat. The contrast between the cursed and blessing paths would have been interesting to see, as it would have shown the difference between a hero who had greatness thrust upon him, and a hero who had to choose greatness despite darkness following his every step. That would have enhanced “A Chosen Hero” tremendously. Unfortunately, the headmaster just straight up murders you if you choose Cursed, which I felt was a wasted opportunity.

Luckily, the Blessed Path was a fine enough path on its own, so some of that lingering disappointment was partially mitigated. One thing that could have enhanced the Blessed Path was more information on the curse, what it exactly does to Alessa, how it turns her evil, and what she went through. I think the dream sequences, where Erron and Alessa meet, could have been expanded, since those sequences had the potential to illustrate a lot more about what exactly was going on in this world, and how the Delandianns were doing. I get that the story is from Erron’s perspective, so we mainly see what happens from his POV, but there are ways to get around that. I also don’t really understand why exactly the Holy Kingdom and the Delandianns went to blows, I feel like that progression of the sequence of events was hastily done, and sort of rushed to hustle Erron to the next stage of his hero’s journey. It’s possible I missed something, but I don’t think so.

Despite not knowing much about Alessa, and what she went through while Erron was training, I do believe that Alessa and Erron’s relationship was the heart and soul of this story. Seriously, Ebon, you did a great job fleshing out this relationship, and I loved the dream sequences, even though I wish there had been more and that they were a bit more expanded and fleshed out. If you were still around, I would encourage you to write a story for the prompt contest, as the prompt, “A story heavily driven by a love/hate relationship with the antagonist. “, would fit beautifully with this story. Of course, ultimately Alessa isn’t the antagonist, but that’s neither here nor there.

The fable of the strange man in the cabin, and the burgeoning childhood friendship between Alessa and Erron was beautifully written. I love how Ebon presents these 2 as the lights in Erron’s life, a source of solace and comfort amid Erron’s stressful life as the son of the High Priest. Ebon is skilled at laying out all the pieces in the chess board, and the inciting incident comes at an appropriate time within the narrative. The symbolism of the “Cursed” and “Blessed” paths is particularly apt, because both on a metaphorical and literal level, we see that the 2 childhood friends are put on different paths and must come to blows in the future. Or at least, that’s what we think. But I’ll get to that later.

I thought Ebon did a great job with the school section, and I enjoyed meeting Ashyr, Headmaster Rallas, Miss Sarrin, Raven, and Knight Vitre. I feel like each of the characters play an important role in the story, and I thought Ashyr in particular was a cool antagonist. Yes, his role felt a bit tropey and archetypal in the sense of the generic rival, but at the same time I enjoyed how Ebon made it genuinely difficult to defeat him. Ebon put a lot of thought into the fight scenes as he wrote them, and the fight scenes with Asher do a wonderful job of characterization and giving us insight into both of the character’s psychologies. Far from being a mere source of action-derived titillation or catharsis, the fights shed light on how Erron chooses to approach obstacles and overcome them. While the blessing is a bit of a deus-ex-machina, Ebon manages to make the fights actually challenging and he really makes it feel like Erron could die. Despite the fact I also like how Ebon shows Miss Sarin as much stronger than Erron, and he shows that it takes time for Erron to ascend to the level of Morden and Miss Sarin. He’s not this invincible god overnight, despite his blessing, and it’s refreshing.

The ending was a little disappointing, because all the pieces were in motion, and the story seemed set to show the final confrontation between Alessa and Erron. After all, they were born as the heirs to 2 warring superpowers, and despite that, were able to forge a friendship as kids in unlikely circumstances. There was also that bit about Alessa’s dad saying that she could trust Erron, that further develops this metaphor. But we don’t really see much payoff, because the story abruptly ends with the final confrontation being between Erron and Ashyr. I must say I was incredibly confused and thrown by this, because by the end, it felt unsatisfactory and there were so many unanswered questions. It almost made all the emotional attachment I garnered towards the characters feel empty and hollow. But don’t mistake this as me not liking the story. I deeply enjoyed the story, and truly respect Ebon’s skills as an author. If I didn’t I wouldn’t bother to feel anything towards the story, and I would have just clicked off. So the fact that the story took me on an emotional journey means a lot. The epilogue could definitely use a bit more work. While the open-ending nature of it was charming in a way, I would have preferred a lot more closure for the story that Ebon was trying to tell. As it is, the story feels hollow and incomplete, but I still did like it.

I would give this one a 6/8. The ending dropped the ball, we don’t find out much about what it means to be cursed, and Ashyr was a secondary villain at best, since the ideal climax would have been a fight between Erron and Alessa(possibly with the help of Vitre and Raven), especially since the whole point of the mission was to track her down. I’m not going to say I didn’t like the inclusion of the sun-assassin cult, but some more explanation and info about why Ashyr decided to join would have been better.

Right off the rip, a lot of grammatical errors, as well as a lot of basic words repeated extensively, sometimes in the same sentence that verged on the edge of redundancy. I would have loved to have seen more thought put into some stronger, or just different, words instead of the same simple ones used over and over again to describe things. Most sentence structures were the same- not much varied, so although it made sentences easy to read, it gave no depth. The lack of correct comma placement, or even the lack of commas most of the time, did make it distracting to me as someone who reads with the character in mind. I like to be immersed in my stories, and I did not get that here. Many misuses or misspellings of words, such as interchanging the spelling of Ashyr and Asher or “hop” instead of “hope,” which was sometimes confusing if I was not paying attention well enough.
As the story continued on, you could see *some* attempt made of better sentence structures, better character descriptions, better scene settings, etc, but it often fell flat until we got into the nitty gritty of the story. The storyline itself is phenomenal, but it comes across as you weren’t really feeling it until the part where Erron has to make his choice. Then you see the entire work start to shift. You seem more engaged with your writing, and the story becomes MUCH stronger, and much more exciting. The grammar is still horrendous, but the effort to paint the picture you’re trying to show is clearly there. I would have loved to have seen more character development amongst Erron, but also would have loved to have had Alessa’s backstory and where she has been explained more.
Honorable mention-- I don’t understand why it’s a story game, and every choice isn’t a choice at all. I made it all the way through to the end after choosing the blessing option in the original choice, and all the choices were either the correct answer or death, or just one choice to continue in general. Would have loved to have seen some more variety in choices other than “play on” or “boring, not well scripted death.”
Overall, grammatical hell on actual Earth, and not as strong as I’ve seen some of your other works be. You’ve been better before, and I wish you would put more energy and life in to your stories from the very beginning instead of butchering it until the story gets interesting.

So, first off, I want to say that you had absolutely phenomenal world-building. Its very clear you sat and thought this out to the point where it was fully fleshed out. I found myself actively wanting to read all of the background links and be drawn further into this world. Whether it be small things such as meeting Raven or as important as the dreams with Alessa, I was always interested.

Now, after that, I'm gonna get the negatives out of the way. First off: As has been mentioned in other comments, the first page is the most egregious of the mistakes when it comes to grammar. There are a few pages that have minor misspellings or incorrect punctuation but it in no way prevents this from being an enjoyable and immersive story. I suggest just taking a little time to go over and edit this because there isn't much and it'd make this already good story into something great. Other than that, my main issue is the lack of a proper conclusion. Mind you, for these reviews I only do one ending (bar any pre-mature deaths) in order to see that the path I chose still feels cohesive. So where I ended, a lot was unresolved. The war was still raging on, we don't know whether the princess will survive or not (though it is seemingly implied she's alive?), and we don't ever have a confrontation between the members of the first mission and having to capture the princess. All in all, I do feel like that could've been handled a bit better, even if you still planned to leave it on a cliff hanger.

Now on to the positives outside of world building. The characters were interesting (although a bit under utilized) and I enjoyed how each of them were fleshed out. They had unique personalities that allowed for them to feel believable inside the world you created. This also allowed for me to feel immersed in the story, which is exactly the goal of writing something in general. Stories are a form of escapism and this is absolutely doing that task. being immersed allowed me to feel the story and what the characters were experiencing! That connection is so vital to a good story. Now, as the last thing I want to touch on, it feels a bit underwhelming but is arguably the driving force of this story. The set-pieces fit so well and are described in a way that makes them easy to picture and gives the story a nice flow to it. Scenery is something I find difficult to utilize personally so seeing you actually be able to craft scenes in the way you do is really awesome.

Overall, not bad! I definitely think this is worth a read and if it is ever edited/updated I will definitely go through it again!

The overall writing quality is superb, but the opening page is poorly done. Since I’ve read Ebon’s featured story, The Lost Realm, I knew the opening would not be reflective of the overall piece. Still, it’s pretty bad. To be honest, if I didn’t read Ebon’s writing before I’d probably stop reading here. Luckily, it gets better. Way better.

A couple things that I must applaud Ebon for is his world building and descriptors. The CYOA writing style makes it easy to fall into bland clusterf*ck of “you” actions (you go here, you feel bad, etc.). It is not so with A Chosen Hero. Right away I’m thrust into a world of rigorous training, which shows the importance of the main character and his father. It also shows that they (more importantly, the MC) have the skillset and characteristics of a hero. Granted knowledge isn’t necessarily a heroic trait on its own, but the discipline behind it is. As for world building, I’m a fan of both natural introduction and deeper, in-depth background pages. This story has both. Yay.

The cabin in the woods story made it seem like a fairy tale. It involves a mysterious cabin, a man that no one’s heard of or seen, a princess, and the illusionary element of safety. Not to mention the poor choices made by children, but I guess that’s expected. Kids are fucking stupid. The MC isn’t, but I understand that the thrill and company of the princess could’ve outweighed common sense.

As far as introducing conflict and progressing the story, A Chosen Hero excelled. I enjoyed the sudden shift from fairy tale perfection into absolute nightmare. And can I just mention the text change while reading your father’s note is a cool element to include. Anyways, the beginning story is blissful happiness until things go very wrong, very fast. The dynamic character shift of Alessa was a ‘fun’ journey too.

Overall it’s an intriguing story done masterfully in a CYOA format. Worth reading.

Unfinished game

Very linear as others have said.

i was not expecting the twist at the end 9/10

It started off great. Nice plot. BUT, the ending was quite abrupt. SPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERT

Is there a way to avoid dying while on the mission? Could someone tell me if there is? thanks ~ dotohdot

It’s a good story but very linear

Not really a choice story when only one choice let's you continue reading.