Player Comments on Adventures In Skyrim

There will be spoilers ahead so beware!

First of all to the good things.
I did not find any major mistakes in grammar and spelling.
And Skyrim is actually one of my favorite video games so I was naturally drawn to it.

Now the main problem I spot here is the length of the game.
It was way to short to properly bring across the vast possibilities of a open world game. I do get that you likely were a rather new author here, but this story seems to be just part of a longer one you originally planned on doing.

In the beginning you tell the reader that you have 1000 gold to pay for expanses of traveling and training, but the value shows up nowhere. Setting that up with a simple variable that is shown at the bottom of every page does not take much effort. It would also open up a lot of options for a longer game to up your equipment and change outcome of combat according to what you carry with you.

Making it so you can get training before leaving on a journey was a good idea. It also makes it feel more realistic than a common farmer just walking into the wilderness and killing off a bandit with his bare hands.

The fact that you simply skipped the option to learn magic in a cheap way, either dying while trying to or someone telling you that you don't need it was very disappointing.

The only quest you can get is a bounty quest in Whiterun. Starting off an adventure with that is a good idea. It seems simple and realistic for an adventurer to start by something like that. Basically ending the adventure right after that though was very sad for a player of Skyrim. It also made the story awfully linear and boring.

Lastly this is a website for stories which endings change depending on your choices. In your case that meant either loosing or surviving that first quest. That hardly counts as multiple endings in my opinion.

I think after reading some great works here you thought you might try yourself and just wanted to learn the very basics of the editor here. That is not a mistake, but you should at least have finished the game properly before posting it.

I can not give you more than a 2/8 for this poor effort.

So I actually thought this story was really cute. The writing was excellent. When I first saw the current rating, I didn't expect the quality to be as good as it was. The sentences flowed well, there were no noticeable grammar errors, and the prose itself intrigued me. I love how you included little quips so common to RPGs themselves. Seeing other characters greet the protagonist as "adventurer" was quite amusing.

I like how you included the option to pay for various opportunities at the start of the game. However, (SPOILER ALERT:) I didn't like how choosing the 'wrong' options in any of these cases led to an immediate death scene. Your game would have been improved if you had written alternative scenes that accounted for the previously made choices.

One other major improvement that could be made to this game is increasing the length. It is a great start, but it is not a complete story. If you really took time to flesh out the plot here and wrote a complete adventure, with multiple different quests and endings, this could easily turn into a fantastic narrative.

Finally, I would recommend changing your page titles from "Page 1", "Page 2" etc. to short titles that reflect the main idea of each page. I think you were trying to go for the 'classical old choose-your-own adventure' vibe, where each choice would tell you to flip to a particular page, but it's not really needed on an online platform. Of course, this is a stylistic choice.

Overall, this is a well-written piece that is more of a start to a larger story than a story in and of itself. I would love to play through longer games from this author.

Your writing is very nice but the extremely linear nature of your story completely ruins all chance of enjoying your narrative. If you're going to publish a CYOA, you need to have multiple endings.

Furthermore, you should lengthen the scope of your story. This was too short and it seems likely that you simply ran out of steam.

You have a great deal of potential but you need to stick with a project for longer and work on fleshing out multiple story lines.

I think there should be a bit more to the story, like 50 or more pages

The story was extremely linear with only one real path to take. The beginning where you decide what you want to train (weapons and magic) makes it seem as though the story will be longer and have different paths and outcomes when in reality you are essentially just told, "You don't actually get magic because some guy said you don't actually need it." The story needed to be longer with more impactful choices. However, your spelling and grammar were good (although Dragonborn is one word not two) so I will give you props for that.

I just won the game in 4 clicks...

This "story" is way to short, and is as linear as a book.

This has potential

ok, way to short. its good. . . but. . . to short.

*click*

*click*

*click*

"Congrats! You win!!"

...what??

Too Short

I enjoyed this, being a huge fan of Skyrim, but it is very lacking in content. Also, you can die incredibly easily. I do understand that Skyrim is a MASSIVE game and that to make a storygame out of it is pretty much impossible in terms of content. A good effort nevertheless.

Cut a bit short. If you even try to make another story, make it longer.

I.LOVE.SKYRIM.

Wish it could be longer

Good. But needs to be longer, very very longer.

Way too short. I finished this in less than 30 seconds and 3 clicks.

Far too linear, misleading concept. It's far less of an adventure and much more of a turtoil. Also... It's either "select correctly or die"

Well,I won in less than 10 seconds

Great Job, but if you are doing skyrim, make it longer.

This would be one of the better stories if it was longer

Great but could be longer :/

Kinda short but good.

The story had potential, and the writing was decent. I would agree, however, that it was far too short. It could have been much better, had you put more time into it.

why is it so short

Needs to be longer and maybe the reader gets to be the dragonborn

It started off well, but you'll eventually end up in the same place. You should develop the story and make it branch out.

I feel that this was not true to Skyrim. In the beginning of the game the Dragon Born literally starts with nothing and, having personally played using only fists as weapons, I can say that it is possible to kill bandits even with little to no skill.

I like it, but it should of had at least a bit more action to it.

It was nicely written, but I was extremely disappointed with how short it was. Your game has a lot of potential.

I personally enjoy skyrim, but this was crap. wasnt even like the real deal, and soooooooo short

Very very short

Make it longer....

You only do one adventure? You might as well just play Skyrim which I have so why am I reading this?

<i>Pruzah</i>! It's a nice, simple game. The main drawback is how teasingly short it is, but I still enjoyed playing it.

Its a terrible story, You can only pick one option and its sooooooo short

Umm... it seems kinda ... short for a Skyrim game.

its no elder scrolls 5 thats 4 shore

The whole thing was too short. And the ending comes down to one choice. Their should be more choices, more quests, and overall a more interactive experience.

i win

... Wait, it's over? >_> What?

why so short :(

Mehh

With a massive open game like Skyrim, this story in comparison was very linear and extremely short. The ending seemed rushed and there was so much missed potential in this story that if only the author had put more effort into thinking the story through, it would have been a truly great choose-your-own-adventure story that reflected the nature of the original game.

too short a story with no replay value.

Great, I would just make it longer. :3

Good start......but it is so incredibly short that you just barely get started and it ends. :'( It seems like it has a lot of potential though..

Make it longer.

Eh.. I hope for better in the future! :D

The descriptions here are pretty good, but the choices could use some work. As has already been pointed out, you can spend gold at every opportunity and never run out, so you might want to make sure your variables are working properly on that one. The story is also both short and linear; your choices don't matter much, as there are no real branching paths.

First of all, short story.
Second, Skyrim is a province, Tamriel is the continent.

Even if you use gold at every opportunity possible, you still will not run out of gold.

Aside from that, this was quite...short?