Player Rating5.92/8

"#117 overall, #7 for 2016"
based on 113 ratings since 10/30/2016
played 2,257 times (finished 137)

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length7/8

"It keeps going and going"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

Take control of Samuel, a young man thrust into a world of bloodthirsty creatures of the night, howling beasts cursed by the moon, horrifying demons and worse.

This is our entry for Bucky's 2016 Halloween Contest. Enjoy!

Player Comments

There are obviously some flaws here; both of you were too busy blowing each other to proofread (or whatever "rushing" for the "deadline" is supposed to be a euphemism for...) and there's the issues with how linear it is. But I know you're both aware of all this already so I don't see any reason to go on about it.

(And to be fair 'linearity' only gets brought up due to the nature of the contest. Taking the story as a whole there are two major, completely separate paths here, perfectly respectable for a CYOA even if there's not a lot of variation once you're on them.)

Really, none of the issues were distracting enough to take away from the fact this was an entertaining, action packed story that did some very cool things with the subject matter. Vampires are almost as bad as zombies sometimes in the way they're overused and abused by pop culture, but you guys gave them their dignity back here.

Steve's path reminded me in some ways of Path of Death, though Count Grey is a far eviler fuck than the necromancer ever was. The linearity was there, but disguised well with lots of ways to screw up and die. (Which does make a certain amount of sense given the character's line of work...) I was told what the choice in the beginning would be before I started reading, but the choice was written here in a way that made a lot more sense for the character than I thought possible.

Malk's suffered a little more obviously from being written in a hurry with the sparsity of choices, but what's there is so unique and cool. I am seriously in love with this setting. Malk, if you're not all vampired out by now I would love to see this or something similar expanded into a longer story to do some of these ideas justice.
-- mizal on 11/7/2016 12:34:03 AM with a score of 0
Well, this is certainty the best of the contest entries, but it might be because there is only two. :(
First, the two writing styles really are quite different between Steve and Malk, though a very prominent similarity would be the linear nature of both stories. Nonetheless, the deadline caused this (and the lack of a thorough proofreading as well).
As for the story, I liked Steve's section more. (It is the one where you are with the vampire.) The only blaring problem was that: A. I have to serve the vampire who murdered my family. B. I'm forced to be a murderous arse to live. Most of my concern is with B actually. He murders in order to live (since vampires need blood). I murder to stay alive (since he'll kill me if I don't do what he says). Of course, I could refuse and die, but I want to continue with the story. Nonetheless, I have no more sympathy for the protagonist, for he is now a vampire in all but name.
However, the assault on the castle/fine battle in Steve's storyline. It was quite exhilarating. I don't want to spoil it, but it's essentially a chaotic melee with more than one faction.
My favorite aspect of Malk's storyline was his concept. After seeing his family murdered in front of his eyes, he becomes a vampire killer. The writing was strong though unpolished in comparison to Steve's, but Steve is one of the site's most successful authors (which means you did better than almost anyone else, Malk).
Anyway, I hope you publish more storygames, Malk. Steve, I look foreword to your next endeavor. :)
-- WouldntItBeNice on 11/2/2016 11:28:14 PM with a score of 0
clearly rushed
-- Comply on 12/16/2017 7:40:05 PM with a score of 0
I've always been a sucker for classic vampire stories! I'm excited to explore more of this experience. My first attempt was distracted and I really want to see the other ways this can play out for the protagonist. A coincidental side note is that I've also used the term Blooded for vampires in my stories. I suppose nothing truly is new under the sun? Ok, ok, I'm sorry about the puns.
-- carlianwhately on 12/6/2017 8:02:56 PM with a score of 0
It was good while it lasted but im kinda disappointed in how short it was especially the vampire ending i just felt like there was so much more you could of done with the story you provided
-- Hawk on 10/28/2017 5:16:25 PM with a score of 0
Great. Wish it was longer.
-- Oberon on 10/25/2017 3:43:00 PM with a score of 0
Good story, intersting, and fun. Ovrall Great Work!
-- Nobody on 9/21/2017 4:38:09 PM with a score of 0
very good
-- ekkiller17 on 9/18/2017 11:55:29 AM with a score of 0
So the obvious difference in styles is rather obvious. The one criticism I have is the same one you've probably heard 5,000 times. There are some issues with linearity. In Steve's portion of the story, I never really felt like I had any agency until the end. Unless you're a good little slave, you're going to get murdered. I understand that you were going for this "You're trapped as his servant and you do what you can to survive" deal. The issue I take with that is the very first choice shows you willing to lay down your life to protect what is important in the ultimate act of defiance. I would have liked a couple things. One, the ability to resist the Count in secret. Possibly even conspire against him. Two, if the protagonist is going to be broken, have him struggle with it. I would have liked to see him have to force himself to fall as much as the vampire was. You did a great job of that with the murder of the girl, but I felt like the transition from boy whose father was murdered to complete vampire thrall was too fast. Onto what was done well. Despite my complaints about linearity, you handled bad choices well in some instance. This makes me think that the linearity was more an issue of time than imagination. I loved how some choices would come back and bite you in the ass later on rather than the constant instant death choices. In many cases, deaths were actually logical consequences of choices I made. There were some that seemed to stretch the limits of my suspension of disbelief and made me green with rage, but not enough to send me over the top. The last sequence was everything I hoped the story would be from the start. Choices galore! Each one of them had a profound impact. While some did lead to death, even then it seemed satisfying. You tied events in the end with events in the beginning for people who were observant. I applaud this effort.

In looking at Malkalack's portion, I can't help but notice the differences in the way the world is described. It definitely seems rushed, but there is a charm to the world that draws you you in. There is an odd levity in this macabre setting that is ultimately appealing. The world that's painted is a hellish one where humans are at the mercy of vampires, but also one where the human spirit shows its resilience. Not in this grave "We have to save the world and band together" mentality but almost as if hunting vampires is a common profession and the extraordinary are mundane and routine. It defies expectations and I definitely hope you can revisit this setting or concept in the future.

I look forward to more stories from both of you.
-- Tyrannosaurusrex on 9/8/2017 7:09:48 PM with a score of 0
This was an awesome story, good work.
-- corgi213 on 9/3/2017 4:36:39 AM with a score of 0
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