a Sci-Fi Adventure by Mystic_Warrior

Commended by mizal on 8/25/2020 3:35:13 PM

Player Rating5.69/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 13 ratings since 08/16/2020
played 296 times (finished 13)

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length7/8

"It keeps going and going"

Maturity Level3/8

"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.

Beneath the seas, hidden from the Ones Above, our society goes about our normal, routinely lives. I cannot help but feel bored with all that is going on, until I find the letter. A letter that sends me on a journey to deliver a magical item to the group of people that have been villainized over the years, the letter that challenges everything I thought I knew. But which side is on the side of good? How can I break out of the only world I have ever known? Should I join the heroic villains or the villanous hero? I have finally gotten the adventure I always needed, but not exactly the one I wanted.




























Note: This game was created for Camelon's break contest. During the part where a specialist is assigned to the breakers, there are three different paths (Lawbreaker, Breaker of People and Breaker and Enterer). Due to time constraints, for those who would like to know, Breaker of People is the longest path, followed by Lawbreaker and Breaker and Enterer, but aside from the epilogues, it all leads to the same chapter 5. As before, feel free to comment or message me if you encounter any issues or problems that I should fix.

Player Comments

Rarely does a story handle variables, items, scripting, and writing with success. This one excels in all categories. It's the perfect blend of story and game. And it gets better: the storygame itself is large enough to warrant use of the aforementioned things. Mystic's exploded onto the scene with two large stories published recently. I'm looking forward to whatever she puts out next.
-- ninjapitka on 8/23/2020 12:30:23 PM with a score of 0
This is a very well-conceived storygame! Enjoyable and well-written!

Although the story is built off a well-known framework -- the young person on the verge of adulthood bored at the prospects being offered to her, wishing for something more exciting to happen -- the world in which "Breakers" is set is unique, and the tale is engaging.

To be sure, this is a long story, with a lengthy prologue and five chapters. It took me several hours to read it to the end, spread out over several sessions. But it struck me as a good YA-oriented interactive novel, far above average in terms of quality for stories on CYS.

I rated this an 8, simply because the writing was good and story clearly took much effort to create. But is it perfect? There are a few minor things I'll point out, mostly on a writer-to-writer basis.

In the prologue, which was very action-packed, there was a tendency to rely on the phrase "all of the sudden" a bit too much. This is a perfectly valid phrase, I suppose, but also cliched -- all the more so when it appears on the same page multiple times. I encourage MW to develop a more unique way to introduce a quick, unexpected action. Happily, I don't recall seeing "all of the sudden" anywhere else in the story.

Th puzzles in Chapter 1 were easy but engaging. However, once I advanced to Ch. 2 it was a bit of a let-down to simply roam the museum and library without given much a mission. This is where a lot of the world-building occurs, although the reader has to be self-motivated to seek out the information. It might have been better if Emeza and Lindy had to go to these venues to seek out clues on how to locate the Breakers.

Ch. 3 has its fair share of action, although it begins quite slowly -- basically, going step-by-step through the school day before the fun stuff occurred.

Ch. 4 seems to be building up to a final showdown in Ch. 5... but when you get there, you... well, I won't spoil anything, but Ch. 5 might've been a victim of the contest deadline.

Nevertheless this is a good story, somewhat off the charts in terms of a typical storygame on CYS. I hope it finds an audience and achieves great success!
-- Bill_Ingersoll on 8/19/2020 7:27:21 PM with a score of 0
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