, #65 for
played 689 times (finished 100)
"march in the swamp"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.
It is your 6209th day on earth (17th birthday)!
Break down your paragraphs;
Write dialogue correctly;
Make a legitimate reason for the confusion that I just read (explain how anything could've happened instead of it just happening. I was so confused :<).
on 12/11/2016 11:35:04 AM
It wasn't exactly a bad first try at making a game, but it was ... kinda random, it requires polishing, and I can also say that my suspension of disbelief was broken pretty easily.
You had some formatting issues and errors: You need to break up your chunks of text into paragraphs and in the future, please spell-check your work (for example, it is spelled "immediately" not "imediatly" and "whisper" not "wisper." The editor did tell you this because it spell-checks your work, but I'm assuming you didn't notice.)
As for breaking my suspension of disbelief ... there are a lot of real-life, logical ways a person can be driven to commit murder. I have yet to see one that solely involves injecting someone with a serum. =\ Still, it's interesting.
on 11/22/2014 2:22:09 PM
I really enjoyed it, but it's a little bit too short for my liking. Maybe with more elaboration, this story would be 8/8, but for now it's 4/8.
on 4/14/2019 6:48:37 PM
Your story is eh on the nomnom scale. You almost count for a yuk! Your story seems like a prologue and isn't a polished piece of granite yet... Oh also it's seems kind of random? But good effort.
on 1/29/2019 2:44:38 PM
This story was ok but it wasn't very long. It didn't have very many choices or much plot. I would like to see a longer version with more story and more choices.
on 1/29/2019 12:16:50 PM
I did not understand any of this. Not even good to poop on. Just please, don't play
on 4/24/2017 3:35:16 PM
What the hell is happening?
on 4/16/2017 11:00:27 PM
interesting but rather disturbing but i like it though
-- Trouble on 1/25/2017 8:36:57 AM
Why not continue the story? I would like to read more. :)
on 1/23/2017 2:33:07 PM
Short and very linear. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors. There is potential here but you need more details or a backstory, something that would help explain why he is doing what he is doing.
on 11/25/2016 9:21:18 AM
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