Dragon Rider - Lost Memory

Player Rating2.44/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 68 ratings since
played times (finished )

Story Difficulty3/8

"trek through the forest"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level4/8

"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.

At first, I must say I am a young polish girl, and sometimes I use Google Translate and polish punctuation in sentences. If I write something wrong please tell me.

This is my first game, and I think it's sometimes funny, sometimes serious... You know what I mean. You could say that it is vague. Please. In this game, do what you would do in the real world.

Red statements are yours, blue as well, but it's your thoughts. Every character has own colour.

Player Comments

Having to use a translator to write some of the story makes things very difficult and I believe I can see where you struggled, however I could always followed the intended meaning.

Setting things like grammar aside (Due to it being a second language) you made a clear attempt at some character development and hooking the reader into the story which was good. The bad would be the length (Very short) and lack of real choices (Pick the right one or 'insta-death').

As you get more confident and skilled with English, writing these should become easier so do keep it up and keep practicing.
-- FeanorOnForge on 10/21/2016 1:34:42 PM
There's this word I learned in my AP English class back in high school. It's Oxymoron. It is a word that contradicts itself. An example of this would be "Big shrimp" because big means "huge!" and shrimp means "tiny".

When reading this story, the oxymoron that comes to mind is plain fantasy. How can a fantasy world with so much be so plain?

First off, I must say that your English translation is pretty good. Great job for effort!

The story itself; however, is not up to par when it comes to quality and length. Your character wakes up with no recollection of how they came to be in the forest. As the story continues on, there's no regained memories, no process of change.

There are several characters that help the narrator, but it's really hard to follow what they are saying. Thank you for the color coated responses, otherwise this story would've been completely unreadable.

Overall, this story could've been a lot better. It's missing a lot of potential. I would recommend unpublishing it to add more information about the characters, the process of regaining memory, and being more descriptive about the fantasy world that you have created.
-- AppDude27 on 9/10/2015 3:55:05 PM
It's a cool idea, it seems like there's a neat fantasy world behind the story.
Things you might want to consider improving:
-Using the different colors with no attribution was incredibly difficult to understand. Okay, green is talking now- which person was green again?
At first I thought maybe it intended to complement "I have amnesia and I don't know who anyone is" but even so it's too confusing.
-A choice-based story needs to have actual choices, a branching storyline. From what I saw the only options were "right choice continues" "wrong choice leads to game over."
-there's a lot of awkward phrasing, which I suppose is because it's translated. I bet if you asked, someone would volunteer to proofread it.
Overall: it seems like a decent fantasy, but (mostly because of the dialogue format) it's very hard to understand what's happening.
-- Sethaniel on 8/28/2015 9:10:48 AM
Cool! The CYOA was very gripping. It could be improved if it was fleshed out more.
Yay Poland!
-- Morganis on 10/1/2016 6:48:53 PM
I killed my enemy and got a really happy ending!! :)
-- Kate on 5/26/2016 9:25:00 PM
The colors are killing me. Also, you should add more plot and detail. I mean, I literally spared my rival's life, and asked if he wanted to become my friend and he KILLS ME?!?!?
-- CurseOfTime on 2/16/2016 5:23:53 PM
Your English is good, but the way you arranged the dialogue so that everybody spoke with a different colour was really confusing. You should just write dialogue normally where the spoken words are in speech marks and you say who said the words after, like so:
"I'm hungry," said Bob.
-- Briar_Rose on 2/1/2016 5:40:58 AM
Half present-tense, half past-tense.
-- TheBossWriter on 12/16/2015 3:25:04 PM
This game is way too short, and the endings are too abrupt. It's just like: You died. The end. I recommend using more detail. Also, I know that your polish and all, but the way everything is spelled just KILLS me!

The colored text is worse. I thought that the colored text was for communication and/or thought, and just that confused me. But then they were talking in the color black. Anyone else confused? Also, some colors, it was hard to see.
-- Sophaderp on 10/5/2015 2:22:16 AM
I'm not a huge fan of colored text all over the place but, It wasn't terrible.
-- _Zomby_ on 9/17/2015 1:02:49 PM
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