First Adventure!

Player Rating3.30/8

"#436 overall, #21 for 2016"
based on 102 ratings since 03/03/2016
played 854 times (finished 117)

Story Difficulty1/8

"no possible way to lose"

Play Length3/8

"A nice jog down the driveway"

Maturity Level3/8

"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.

This is just a test game.

First adventure, first game.


It's short, but I tried to keep it funny. Maybe you should try and see what's your First Adventure is going to look like!

Also, I'm Brazilian, so excuse me for my bad English... I think it's readable.

Player Comments

Not the best...

I noticed a lot of randomness in this storygame, suck as arguing with the narrator, killing the narrator, etc. I understand that kind of humor can be funny sometimes, but it can only take you so far when it comes to writing.

I spotted a few grammar issues as I played, but nothing that can't be fixed with a little bit of proofreading. Remember to spend time on your storygames checking grammar and spelling, because that'll mark down your ratings a bit.

There wasn't very much character development here, but here and there I spotted a little bit of personality developing in the characters, but the storygame was too short for it to be completely fleshed out and let me feel emotion for the characters.

In this storygame, humor seemed to be a replacement for detail and plot development, which I didn't like :(

I'll say 3/8, please spend more time on storygames and understand that random humor can only take you a few steps in the miles of land to cover in story writing.
-- MinnieKing on 3/21/2017 1:04:12 AM
This is pretty good despite the lack or sense in the story. It's really easy to win/lose/end game, but if you go through the story knowing its supposed to be funny and light-hearted, it's quite enjoyable.

Again, there's some grammar issues, but I didn't really notice them because I was more focused the humor.

There are little fantasy elements, and I think that could be more expanded, as it is a "fantasy storygame". Other than that, the story is good to go as a humor one.
-- Crescentstar on 12/3/2016 7:20:19 PM
Ah, yes. For a first attempt at a storygame, especially for someone whose mother language isn't English, this game was far better than what I went in expecting. There are, admittedly, several blips with grammar and spelling sprinkled throughout, but the story was coherent and readable enough.

What really saves this is the humor. There's a lot of fourth wall breaking, lampshading the limitations of the basic editor, poking fun at CYOA conventions, and a dry sarcasm that made the narration quite fun to read.

Although this game still has a lot of flaws, I was thoroughly amused. I would love to see what you can do with more time, more experience, and the advanced editor (which has variables and whatnot). If this is what you can do in a day, while you're still learning the ropes, I'll be looking forward to what you can produce if you really put your all into it.
-- the_quiller on 3/4/2016 6:14:54 PM
I chose the quickest death ending first and I really enjoyed the game. You are a great writer, and your humor is rare. I do have one suggestion, though. Try to add a few more details in some areas that lack, such as 'how can you tell the ogre is a child' (maybe include a joke about age here) and try to give the character morals so that when we kill him we feel bad about it (ex: should we steal from the kid because our parents were killed by goblins? Are we committed to righteous action? If not, why do our actions vary so drastically on the moral scale? Are we diseased? Mentally unstable? Or simply very grumpy?
See? The more we know about the character's feelings, the more we feel when we make a decision that contrasts the decision we would normally make. Because his mother has his working for a grumpster, I'm thinking that is the reason he is so grumpy himself. To avoid confusion, I would emphasize the fact that those are the reasons he is making poor decisions.
In short, I suggest a bit of editing in certain areas, but it was very enjoyable overall. You have an interesting, humorous voice, and you are quite the talented writer (especially considering English is not your first language).
Also, I would be happy to help you edit out the grammar mistakes. If you would like the help, feel free to leave me a private message on my account.
Thank you and well done,
Squatting Pigeon
-- SquattingPigeon on 1/29/2018 8:49:32 AM
Some of the writing was quirky, and there's some budding, nascent humor here. If you expanded it, and wrote in a little more detail, this would be a passable game. And a bit of brushing up on the technical side of writing would help also.
-- Mynoris on 12/24/2017 1:36:10 PM
that was no quest
-- Emmanuella on 5/4/2017 2:50:04 PM
i killed a the narrator... *grins evilly*
-- thebigE on 7/2/2016 3:16:46 PM
Poor narrator x3
-- Seto on 6/20/2016 10:52:17 AM
Well, it's pretty short. However, your story has great humour, something that's very refreshing to see. And, while it wasn't perfect, I was thoroughly amused all the way through! Your english was also very good.

Ah, e pode ficar tranquilo, você não é o único brasileiro por aqui não! hahaha
-- Crazyfi on 5/30/2016 8:46:33 PM
i honest to god didnt cheat against the dragon
-- thebigE on 4/26/2016 6:18:21 PM
Show All Comments