Love & Dating
Commended by BerkaZerka on 9/21/2019 9:17:33 AM
, #9 for
played 9,607 times (finished 329)
"no possible way to lose"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.
It doesn't matter what they say...
I can just imagine the angry puritans from the church, all gathering outside the poor men's house with torches and pitch forks, chanting, "It's Mork and Mindy, not Mirk and Mondy!"
Got to say, I was very surprised by the twist at the end. I congratulate you for giving End a run for his money in terms of edginess... Still, I found the relationship between the two men to be very sweet, and for some reason I couldn't really think badly of Mirk, even at the end. Poor little bugger. :(
Also, incredibly impressed with Mirk's stamina, since at the beginning, you have the option to just repeatedly make love to Mondy as many times as you like in a row without stopping... I guess when you love someone that much, your passion just goes on forever. (Also, very impressed with how well he was... "preserved"... Both inside and out. They must be some potent embalming oils.) ^_^
I think my favourite part what the abandoned building in the woods... By the third time I had to click on it, I was practically ripping my hair out with anticipation. I was like... "What? What's in there? What happened? This had better be fucking good!" ... And it was. I definitely didn't see that coming.
Reading through the comments has got me having second thoughts about the whole story now. I mean originally, I assumed the church and the mother turned against Mirk and Mondy's relationship because "God hates fags" and all that... But now I'm wondering what order everything happened in... I mean, after your son brings his recently embalmed lover over for Sunday dinner, even the most understanding mother is going to raise an eyebrow. :p
Any way, to sum up... Not exactly sure if it's what you intended, but this was a really sweet love story... I mean, yeah, it was incredibly fucked up, yet still, while the relationship wasn't described in a massive amount of detail, it came across very nicely just how happy the two of them were together... And I'm sure Mondy would have appreciated knowing that their love was strong enough to transcended even death itself. ^_^
on 8/6/2019 9:54:53 AM with a score of 0
Wow, this story was...something else. And I mean that in a good way. Okay, so where do I start?
This story was much more sad than creepy in my opinion. Mirk was a broken man who had sacrificed everything for the man he loved. His home, his business, his friends, his family, his very life. He sacrificed it all for Mondy but it wasn't enough. He couldn't bear to accept that his whole life, Mondy, was gone. So he acted like he wasn't. It is really tragic to see, and I think you managed to portray such hopeless denial in a wonderful way. I really felt bad for the guy.
Now, on to the big reveal. I think it was written in a pretty good way. There were many subtle hints throughout the story. Some good ones were the wivesmaids refusing to let Mondy in particular into the communal house despite enjoying his company previously, our mother telling us to let Mondy go after he got sick despite being happy for us earlier, and the fly landing on Mondy's eye. I think these were sufficiently subtle hints towards Mondy's deceased status. You didn't feel the need to bash the reader over the head with it which is always appreciated.
Now, as for the writing itself. This was a very well written piece. I don't think I saw a single grammar or spelling mistake. The descriptive writing was also spot on. You really managed to build a world and scenery with nothing more than a few words. All the dialogue, despite being understandably one sided, was well written and portrayed just how hard Mirk was trying to delude himself. It was an all around beautifully written story.
My only real issue with the story is that the gay sex scene in the opening sentence was a bit jarring and made me double take a bit. But, well, that could have been intentional. It just felt a bit odd considering how the rest of the story was written. But thats just my opinion, no reason to put much stock into it.
All in all this was a wonderful story. Beautifully written characters, great scenery, fantastic use of descriptive writing, good foreshadowing, and no spelling or grammar mistakes. I expected a great story from you and you provided one and then some. Fantastic work Mizal.
on 8/5/2019 11:46:34 PM with a score of 0
"This was not a game I would have picked up had I known the high sexual needs shown by the characters before."
This was my opinion during the first two pages on the story game. However, being honest, it's not so the case anymore.
I guess the start did put me on edge about the nature of the story, making me wonder if it was the same old kind of story about two people being madly, desperately in love, come what may (no offense to that theme either, but it's just not my cup of tea). However, I'm glad and proud to say this that the author has put my former opinion down big time. And I love it. This story, for me, was not what it seemed so at the start. It is much deeper, and much more developed, both character and plot wise.
I'll be honest, as mentioned before, the conception framed by the starting lines did set me off initially and I was uneasy reading ahead. But that really lasted two pages at the most. As you read ahead you realise the story has so much more to offer than two men going at it with each other (yes, sorry. It's not the gay which was a trouble for me, but just the concept of love making, in general. Anyway. It's irrelevant). Walking across the village, visiting different places from the past, the church, everything--that was the point where the story really took my attention. Reading about the disease and all other hardships faced was a real eye-opener and made me understand the intensity of the protagonist's loyalty to his loved one. Talking about love and loyalty, reading the bits about the mother inflicted a pang of hurt. It was almost like you could feel the hurt and betrayal felt by the protagonist and Mondy.
Mondy. The numb, stiff, dead as a log lover. Beautifully narrated. It was only towards the end that I was finally able to really understand the suffering faced by them. The protagonist's regret of not visiting the healer soon, of Mondy's almost death, the dilemma between choosing to stay or walking up the hill in the village, it all felt too real and too chaotic. The author really did hit the nail at the best spot towards the end in the part about going out in the snow. The part where he leaves Mondy and runs away to the church and later hangs himself was my personal favourite. I don't have an explanation besides the fact that it tugged at my heart the most. That and the other choice of staying in the cold together and dying were both nice. These two sort of add towards my opinion of the relationship stuff being shit, but honestly, the author has successfully managed to also make me consider the purity of emotions displayed.
Summing it up, it was an extremely well written and narrated story. However, that's to be expected considering it's Mizal. If you knew Mizal, you'd know that she's really not likely to add any dumb stuff in any of her works. It was completely worth the time and read. A great work. Plus it's always good to try out newer themes and genres, especially if it's from authors like Mizal.
on 4/30/2019 3:33:19 PM with a score of 0
The story, in the beginning, was very sweet. I really felt for the love between these two characters. And I really wanted them to be happy, I truly did. I really wanted them to overcome the unfair prejudice that they were faced with. I wanted them to be happy, in the face of all the horrors they had seen. Of course, simply by reading the summary, you can tell that there probably won't be any happy endings to the story. (I suppose, in a way, you could choose 'staying in the cottage' to be the happiest ending of the bunch.)
The writing was very atmospheric. Even though I knew there would be some sort of twist in the end (I read through the first few lines of one of the comments), I still didn't see that coming until after the protagonist entered the little old house at the end of the lane. It was well-foreshadowed, if you think about some of the comments made by the protagonist to Mondy while in the cottage.
I would've liked to know a little bit more backstory about what caused the sickness, and what the nature of it was. I also felt like clicking on 'search' three times while in the different places in the village was a bit repetitive - perhaps some of these could've been added to the room descriptions themselves. Also, sometimes we are told that we take items (e.g. the blanket, the food) that we do not actually pick up, even though the poem materialized as a physical item.
Overall, this atmospheric horror piece is a good read for anyone with ten - fifteen minutes on their hands.
on 1/16/2020 5:40:20 AM with a score of 0
-- and nope on 10/1/2019 1:16:46 PM with a score of 0
Well, reading this was quite an experience.
The overall storytelling here was well-written, and I liked how it progressively gets darker as the story continues, becoming disturbing and really sad at the end. As you explore your surroundings, you slowly learn more about past events regarding the setting and the characters, and while hints were cleverly left in throughout the story, the reveal at the end was jarring. All in all, the eerie storytelling and subtle hints leading up to the twist resulted in a truly haunting story.
Even with minimal details, you can see what the characters are like, and you can see how the characters - particularly the playable character - are effected
on 8/6/2019 11:53:47 AM with a score of 0
Mirk and Mondy... just one vowel swap away from being Mork and Mindy? Tell me I'm not the only person who saw this!
I used to know a guy named Norman Bates who would've loved this story... both he AND his Mother.
on 6/3/2019 12:00:30 AM with a score of 0
Took me a while to comprehend what was really going on..
on 5/29/2019 12:36:43 PM with a score of 0
Chilling. I wasn't sure exactly where the story was going, but once it got there, it was very effective. However, I feel the story could have been a little longer, and there could have been more forshadowing. But, I liked a lot!
-- Sarah on 5/28/2019 9:43:28 PM with a score of 0
Too short not romantic
-- Hali on 4/27/2019 4:24:58 PM with a score of 0
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