Love & Dating
Commended by BerkaZerka on 9/21/2019 9:17:33 AM
, #6 for
played 11,456 times (finished 368)
"no possible way to lose"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.
It doesn't matter what they say...
The following sums up what the core of the story is: ... warm memories of the time you had together flood your brain. You take them with you when you go.
Visiting the detailed locations in the story's setting, each location told a story of its own and you can appreciate the detail that went into crafting how each piece fit together to form the whole.
The search mechanic rewards the player by allowing them to discover even more in each location and this is a good devise to impart the little details that make such exploration worthwhile.
I do think the story would benefit by having the ability to circle back around each location, in case the player wants to revisit some of the warm and caring memories that all come together in the end.
If I had to go negative, it would be that I wanted more. More about the procedure done, more about the debt collectors and more about the special relationship between mother and son-in-law.
This might have made the story a bit larger, so I realize this suggestion may be out of the scope for its intended audience.
on 2/22/2020 3:54:24 AM with a score of 0
I can just imagine the angry puritans from the church, all gathering outside the poor men's house with torches and pitch forks, chanting, "It's Mork and Mindy, not Mirk and Mondy!"
Got to say, I was very surprised by the twist at the end. I congratulate you for giving End a run for his money in terms of edginess... Still, I found the relationship between the two men to be very sweet, and for some reason I couldn't really think badly of Mirk, even at the end. Poor little bugger. :(
Also, incredibly impressed with Mirk's stamina, since at the beginning, you have the option to just repeatedly make love to Mondy as many times as you like in a row without stopping... I guess when you love someone that much, your passion just goes on forever. (Also, very impressed with how well he was... "preserved"... Both inside and out. They must be some potent embalming oils.) ^_^
I think my favourite part what the abandoned building in the woods... By the third time I had to click on it, I was practically ripping my hair out with anticipation. I was like... "What? What's in there? What happened? This had better be fucking good!" ... And it was. I definitely didn't see that coming.
Reading through the comments has got me having second thoughts about the whole story now. I mean originally, I assumed the church and the mother turned against Mirk and Mondy's relationship because "God hates fags" and all that... But now I'm wondering what order everything happened in... I mean, after your son brings his recently embalmed lover over for Sunday dinner, even the most understanding mother is going to raise an eyebrow. :p
Any way, to sum up... Not exactly sure if it's what you intended, but this was a really sweet love story... I mean, yeah, it was incredibly fucked up, yet still, while the relationship wasn't described in a massive amount of detail, it came across very nicely just how happy the two of them were together... And I'm sure Mondy would have appreciated knowing that their love was strong enough to transcended even death itself. ^_^
on 8/6/2019 9:54:53 AM with a score of 0
Wow, this story was...something else. And I mean that in a good way. Okay, so where do I start?
This story was much more sad than creepy in my opinion. Mirk was a broken man who had sacrificed everything for the man he loved. His home, his business, his friends, his family, his very life. He sacrificed it all for Mondy but it wasn't enough. He couldn't bear to accept that his whole life, Mondy, was gone. So he acted like he wasn't. It is really tragic to see, and I think you managed to portray such hopeless denial in a wonderful way. I really felt bad for the guy.
Now, on to the big reveal. I think it was written in a pretty good way. There were many subtle hints throughout the story. Some good ones were the wivesmaids refusing to let Mondy in particular into the communal house despite enjoying his company previously, our mother telling us to let Mondy go after he got sick despite being happy for us earlier, and the fly landing on Mondy's eye. I think these were sufficiently subtle hints towards Mondy's deceased status. You didn't feel the need to bash the reader over the head with it which is always appreciated.
Now, as for the writing itself. This was a very well written piece. I don't think I saw a single grammar or spelling mistake. The descriptive writing was also spot on. You really managed to build a world and scenery with nothing more than a few words. All the dialogue, despite being understandably one sided, was well written and portrayed just how hard Mirk was trying to delude himself. It was an all around beautifully written story.
My only real issue with the story is that the gay sex scene in the opening sentence was a bit jarring and made me double take a bit. But, well, that could have been intentional. It just felt a bit odd considering how the rest of the story was written. But thats just my opinion, no reason to put much stock into it.
All in all this was a wonderful story. Beautifully written characters, great scenery, fantastic use of descriptive writing, good foreshadowing, and no spelling or grammar mistakes. I expected a great story from you and you provided one and then some. Fantastic work Mizal.
on 8/5/2019 11:46:34 PM with a score of 0
its okay, if your bored
-- idk on 11/2/2020 4:00:48 PM with a score of 0
this is beautiful.
on 9/19/2020 2:22:41 PM with a score of 0
I didn't understand it really
on 5/2/2020 9:11:26 AM with a score of 0
It’s ok, but it’s short
-- Hi on 2/15/2020 5:37:59 PM with a score of 0
holy crap dude...idek what to say...just, wow
-- jolie on 1/31/2020 11:54:14 AM with a score of 0
The story, in the beginning, was very sweet. I really felt for the love between these two characters. And I really wanted them to be happy, I truly did. I really wanted them to overcome the unfair prejudice that they were faced with. I wanted them to be happy, in the face of all the horrors they had seen. Of course, simply by reading the summary, you can tell that there probably won't be any happy endings to the story. (I suppose, in a way, you could choose 'staying in the cottage' to be the happiest ending of the bunch.)
The writing was very atmospheric. Even though I knew there would be some sort of twist in the end (I read through the first few lines of one of the comments), I still didn't see that coming until after the protagonist entered the little old house at the end of the lane. It was well-foreshadowed, if you think about some of the comments made by the protagonist to Mondy while in the cottage.
I would've liked to know a little bit more backstory about what caused the sickness, and what the nature of it was. I also felt like clicking on 'search' three times while in the different places in the village was a bit repetitive - perhaps some of these could've been added to the room descriptions themselves. Also, sometimes we are told that we take items (e.g. the blanket, the food) that we do not actually pick up, even though the poem materialized as a physical item.
Overall, this atmospheric horror piece is a good read for anyone with ten - fifteen minutes on their hands.
on 1/16/2020 5:40:20 AM with a score of 0
-- and nope on 10/1/2019 1:16:46 PM with a score of 0
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