Player Comments on Inseparable
Well, I think this story was a very mixed bag. The writing was of the usual high quality we can expect to see from Mizal, and there's no real problems there. I especially liked the way the old house was done, I thought it was fantastic at setting the tone and giving the story as a whole a very eery vibe that set it out from the rest of the story.
However, the story was far from without its flaws. I thought it was really, really obvious from the get-go what the situation with Monty was, and I realized it almost immediately into the story, which kind of took a lot of the "oompfh" that the story relies pretty heavily on.
As well as this, I'd kind of had this whole thing done before. There was a creepypasta called Mason that's pretty popular, where similar things happen, a love story about a sick and dying boy where in the end it's revealed the protagonist still loves them "even as the maggots begin to eat through his flesh", and I'm pretty sure they were even gay in that, or at least the narrator was gay, so I didn't really find much new to enjoy here in the whole twist this is based on.
Another issue here was the lack of choices. Besides twp final choices at the ending, both of which just lead to a epilogue, the game was lacking entirely of any choice whatsoever. You just kind of explored, which while cool, wasn't really enough to carry the game as a whole, and was a serious drawback for a medium based on choice.
As well as this, and this is a small thing, the lovers' names were really off-putting. It was weird, I don't know why you chose them.
Ultimately, while the story was of top writing quality, that's kind of to be expected from Mizal at that point, and ultimately while it's an interesting and good game, I think it's kind of overrated, given its rave reviews, and I'm not entirely sure it deserves its feature spot, especially since I know you could do far better given what you've shown.
Despite all that, it's still a very good game and was enjoyable to play, and compared to the average shit we see it absolutely shines. Well done on your storygame, it was a pleasure to play through.
on 6/17/2018 9:04:54 PM with a score of 0
I read (and commented) on this storygame two weeks ago, but my mind keeps on coming back to it. The reason may not be what the author expects, for I absolutely love the narrative delivery especially for a shorter storygame.
Initially, the driver of the plot is the reason for the two's isolation. I wanted to know what happened and why it happened. It seemed to be a pretty standard occurrence. In the town, I was confronted with memories from a time long ago that were both sweet and bitter for the protagonist. I started piecing together the plot in what felt to be a very organic manner.
That is what I liked about this storygame so much. I was just wandering around a town looking for some supplies, but it used non-linear narration to fuel my desire to continue reading. I could feel the loneliness and the cold (both in the literal and metaphorical sense). Never once did I find anything that seemed forced upon by the author.
As for improvements, I can't point out much. There's no grammar or spelling error (an easy way for me to normally criticize). There's no plot-points that make no sense or "lol random" moments. Heck, there's no instance where I slogged my way through a section that drug on for too long. I can't even criticize it for being linear, for I do have choice as the reader along with not being shoehorned into a path.
Anyway, this is a great storygame that might even be worthy of a featured position.
on 11/18/2017 12:07:02 PM with a score of 0
Mizal, I have to say that this story had me choked up. The way you wrote this book had a delicate somewhat feel to the book, and I loved how intricate it was, and the plot was really touching. Mondy is indeed like a porcelain doll.
I loved the serious feel to it, and I'm actually glad that you didn't write it for comedic purposes. I commend you on this game as it was beautiful and extremely touching.
I didn't notice that many grammar mistakes or misuses, and I'm quite relieved. As Alekos had stated, "the vagueness of Mondy and the entire village is amazing," is quite true.
You wrote the most heartbreaking and beautiful story which I have ever read by you. It was serious, tragic and it was filled with romance, and I adored it. Fantastic job, 8/8.
on 11/6/2017 8:21:05 AM with a score of 0
Like Bob before me, I gotta admit, this was pretty gay.
on 6/19/2018 4:04:44 PM with a score of 0
Kinda Gay 7/8
-- Bob on 6/13/2018 1:37:41 PM with a score of 0
Unusual as storygames go. It's more of a meditation on a relationship than a drama built heavily on conflict. There is conflict, but it's mostly in the past. Almost a kind of interactive tone poem. Interesting as a form of experimental fiction.
-- ThomasLaHomme on 6/4/2018 2:48:15 PM with a score of 0
eh its ok
-- ccd on 5/31/2018 10:26:54 PM with a score of 0
this... blew my mind. near the end is when i realised what had happened... it was such a sad realisation. beautifully written game!
-- Evan on 2/20/2018 1:34:43 PM with a score of 0
LIKE THE ENDINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on 2/15/2018 4:06:49 PM with a score of 0
Nice story. You did a good job conveying the emotions of the character.
-- Alex on 1/21/2018 11:29:13 PM with a score of 0
:O woah - this was freaking amazing
on 1/2/2018 8:41:44 AM with a score of 0
I was honestly going to give this a 5 when I read the first page, but then it got all sappy and sweet, and I couldn't help but making my rating higher. The tone reminds me of Snow. One ending made me happy. Another made me sad. Another made me feel bad. Also, at first, I was worried that I would HAVE to pick the "make love with Mondy" link.
Nice one, mizal.
on 12/11/2017 9:48:17 PM with a score of 0
A beautiful and eerie piece that leaves much to the reader's imagination. I'm only sad that it wasn't a bit longer. The sense of loneliness and madness is evocatively portrayed and isn't held back by bad grammar and spelling.
on 12/7/2017 12:49:40 AM with a score of 0
I was blown away by the caliber of this tale. Your excellent choice of words delivered a compact and gripping story. I can't wait to read more of your work.
on 12/4/2017 3:17:42 PM with a score of 0
on 11/23/2017 4:58:54 PM with a score of 0
Edit: nevermind that last part, after reading some of the comments it seems apparent he is some sort of doll oops
on 11/7/2017 8:39:10 PM with a score of 0
It was kinda short but I feel that the substance of the story makes up for it. It was well written and you set up the scenes and places with a good amount of description.
It seemed to take quite the turn at the end, but it makes sense to me. While I can't be absolutely sure I'm pretty sure a certain somebody is probably a cold, stiff, corpse or something lmao.
on 11/7/2017 8:37:05 PM with a score of 0
I saw the ending coming, but I rather liked the story (for reasons most likely different than Dini).
I was very fond of the middle. The tone and "feel" was somber and cold.
on 11/6/2017 12:36:55 PM with a score of 0
I like the way how the story progresses throughout, and how you're slowly revealing the history of the protagonist and the overall setting. Though that story took a quite different turn than expected. I feel like I need a shower..
on 11/6/2017 9:16:23 AM with a score of 0
The vagueness of Mondy and the entire village is amazing. It is almost like Mondy is a doll, since almost everything the main character does for him seems so. But he is sick...so yeah. Good stuff Mizal!
on 11/5/2017 7:37:01 AM with a score of 0