Player Comments on Kingdom Conquest
The grammar in this was terrible but just barely good enough where I knew what was going on and was able to usually know what should have been written. That may be worse than having grammar that’s incomprehensible because it means I couldn’t just skip everything and say, “Thx for the free point lol.”
Well, I suppose I could have, but then I would have been annoyed at myself.
There were so many words used incorrectly. “There” instead of “their,” “ring” instead of “wring,” “no” instead of “know” … Many sentences were not capitalized either, and the tense change between thoughts and narration was confusing, because there wasn’t actually anything marking what the thoughts were a good portion of the time.
Probably most of the sentences were run-ons, and the author seems to have an aversion to using double quotes to mark dialogue.
I don’t know how good the writing would have been if these and all the other grammar issues were fixed. I was too distracted to pay much attention.
A lot of the ends are exactly the same, and many paths have multiple ways to reach them. Still, branching was definitely existent. That’s really the best thing I can say about this.
I’ve seen worse, but this was bad. You faggots who read reviews before stories should just skip this one.
on 1/21/2020 1:30:33 PM with a score of 0
Oh boy, this intro sounds exciting! This is the way to create an intro authors – it is quick, to-the-point, and it makes people want to read the story. The story itself was lots of fun, too. There were lots of options and different ways to take the story. Your choices really did have an effect on the story, and that’s a big key to an effective CYS story. It only took me a few tries to become king and rule for a long, long time, so that was fun. It was also fun seeing the different endings and other ways to NOT end up as king.
There were a few different typos, so as another commenter mentioned, a little editing and proofreading could help, but they didn’t really take too much away from the story. There wasn’t a lot of description, but there was a lot of action and I really felt like I was in the story and that the story really drove me forward with the action – excellent job with the pacing of the story. Overall, this is a really nice story, thank you for sharing it with the site.
on 8/7/2018 7:09:49 PM with a score of 0
It was very engaging and I defiantly recommend it to anyone who has a fascination with stuff like kings,war,and other things like that.
-- Sam West on 1/26/2020 11:39:34 PM with a score of 0
I'm the king baby
on 5/16/2018 5:47:29 PM with a score of 0
-- Luke the Nuke on 1/24/2018 6:59:38 PM with a score of 0
"Remaining as King for many years, You reigned until your own death at the Age of 72. Your reign was filled with conquests and invasions But also with honor and glory, your legacy will go down in history as one of the greatest kings of the realm.
In the month after your death your son Arcadias was crowned king and your dynasty lasted a thousand years.
So will there ever be a sequel for this game?
on 1/14/2018 10:19:01 PM with a score of 0
Well that was easy.
on 11/23/2016 7:43:52 PM with a score of 0
Well done. While this game wasn't the longest of it's genre, it was quite enjoyable, as each choice required a certain degree of strategy to overcome others for the throne. I couldn't help but notice some mistakes with grammar however, but that didn't detract too much from the overall experience of this game.
on 10/25/2016 4:22:53 PM with a score of 0
In the end it wasn't as much of a CYOA as a story. Good idea though.
-- Morganis on 9/5/2016 8:12:07 PM with a score of 0
so. I found Lucius, but where was Draco, or Harry?
on 4/5/2016 3:51:14 PM with a score of 0
too easy, became king 1st try
-- reader73 on 2/29/2016 5:05:53 PM with a score of 0
Omg it waz fun but vary easy if you make a new oen make it a bit harder please
-- Charlieboy on 11/25/2015 4:05:41 PM with a score of 0
This was good, a lot of choices. And I like how the ending recapped and showed you what kind of King you were. And proves that there weren't many fake choices. The only thing is there are quite a bit of grammatical errors and typos in the story. I reccomend getting it proofread. 4/8 average.
on 10/5/2015 10:39:54 AM with a score of 0
I'm the king, motherfuckers. First try.
on 9/4/2015 2:21:15 PM with a score of 0
Muahahaha! A successful bid for power on the first try!
on 5/22/2015 8:53:44 AM with a score of 0
I am King Romulus
on 5/18/2015 7:14:52 PM with a score of 0
-- takogreece on 4/24/2015 1:50:20 AM with a score of 0
I would've liked to see some more meat to it, some more of a backstory on some of these characters, especially on Romulus. That, and the grammer was kinda bad, could have used some work.
on 3/11/2015 1:28:56 AM with a score of 0
An enjoyable little game :)
on 2/12/2015 12:51:15 PM with a score of 0
I liked it.
on 9/28/2014 10:38:18 AM with a score of 0
The grammar made my eyes bleed ("could of" for example was especially painful).
I also had no backstory, who are these characters? Are they friend or foe? What on God's Earth is going on?
on 8/26/2014 11:45:17 AM with a score of 0
I noticed quite a bit of spelling and grammatical errors. For instance, in one of the links, you spelled "know" as "no". Also, I was rather confused by the dialogue with the guard, at the beginning of the game. Still, it was a good game with a significant amount of meaning choices.
on 8/12/2014 1:45:43 PM with a score of 0
It was good but I think it should be longer. It would be good if you made a sequel to it.
on 5/31/2014 11:09:02 AM with a score of 0
I found that a lot of the time there was only one place I could go
on 1/2/2014 7:51:02 PM with a score of 0
Super forward hard to lose.
on 1/1/2014 2:25:44 PM with a score of 0
Enjoyed it, but could be longer.
on 12/9/2013 5:56:05 PM with a score of 0
Pretty good aside from the barrage of grammatical errors, a bit too short for my tastes though
on 12/2/2013 5:32:19 AM with a score of 0
I like stories like this. I would have given it a 6 if there were no grammar/proofreading errors. I would have given it a 7 if it were deeper developed and had more interesting bells and whistles or more epic.
on 11/28/2013 5:05:56 PM with a score of 0
Quite short. I'd like to see more of everything. Decent plot, decent grammar.
on 11/28/2013 3:57:35 AM with a score of 0
Not bad, A bit short.
on 11/27/2013 7:57:41 PM with a score of 0
Better than my first storygame.
on 11/27/2013 7:02:22 PM with a score of 0